Politics and religion are taboo subjects for a lot of people, but thankfully the blogsphere is changing that. I seriously did not think that so many people would read and react (even though not directly on the comment box) to my Bad Sex post. I actually have about five different topics to be developed just from that post alone. That made me really start thinking about writing more on the subject. I am not a sex expert, but I have had sex. I have had bad sexual experiences as well as good ones. I have had problems in a relationship due to sex and also enjoy a happy sex life now. I also feel no shame when I talk about sex, but that does not mean that I am not familiar with what that feeling can do to sex.
One of my biggest problems with religion is that it separates a lot more than it unifies. First we have the people that believe in something bigger than just them and those that don’t. Then in the group of people that believe, we have more division and a lot more incentives to stay that way. Sex plays a big role on religion even if some people like to simplify it with the for procreation only banter. Sex made to be a dirty act negates our needs as humans.
Like the need to eat to survive, sex is something that is wired into our instincts. People that do not acknowledge that are as blind as those that think that living in a compound and giving up your 14 year old to a 40 year old to marry is all good because a leader said so. Sex is something that takes a lot of effort to suppress, but like an anorexic will tell you, it is suppressible none the less. So why does religion want to put a chastity belt on something that feels so good?
I believe it has something to do with the line that religion draws in the sand and likes to call perversion. While sex between two consenting adults should not be a matter of public scrutiny, religion likes to make it their business to tell them how they should have it. Some people might think it is crazy to let religion tell them what to eat, but they forget that some people do not drink caffeine, pork or beef because their religion tells them to.
I do not need religion to tell me the different between right and wrong because my own morals tell me that. I also do not need to them to tell me what music I should listen to and what food I should eat. I do not want them in my bedroom at all… however they have been there several times until I decided to drive them out.
There are many ramifications to this subject, but for today I would like to point out a common one. Sex before marriage.
While I respect people that stay pure until marriage I think it is a big mistake. It is a huge mistake when only one has experience and a bigger one if both are inexperienced. If you come from a very conservative household it is very likely that you have never discussed sex with anyone. If you are also surrounded by people that are also very conservative your sources for information become very limited and sometimes not the best.
Pornography for example is one of the worse places to look for sexual direction. It is not only unrealistic but also geared towards very specific audiences. If someone has never had sex before and they see a run of the mill porn movie they are going to buy immediately into the sex is dirty and anything but missionary position is a sin. It is like giving a ten course meal to someone that is starving, it will overwhelm them.
If you have never had sex with the lights on while trying different positions and speed you are missing out. It is like always having French Fries while they are cold, without salt and saggy. While you might not like spicy curly fries after you try them, you might love them hot and dipped in ketchup or maybe even mayo. The key is to give it a try.
So if you have never given yourself the chance and you are too ashamed to even admit it or scared to look in the net. There is this book called the Kamasutra which I believe is a good place to start. Pick up a copy of one that is not necessarily pornographic from your local book store and share it together. If you end up getting your partner to at least try one of the positions there you are taking what I think is a step in the right direction.