Scared

Last week my nephew had an accident. He is still a toddler and have been learning to walk. Unfortunately curiosity and his still new skill made him pick up a broken mop and then trip and actually managed to hurt his eye. Thankfully it appears that it was not too serious and there was no permanent damage, but my sister went through a lot.

When a mother says “I have never heard him cry like that before” it teared my heart apart. I know she was concerned, I know she went through infinity of emotions and scenarios of her little one losing an eye. Once we knew more about the situation and knew he was going to heal, I told my sister. We sometime worry about stupid things like, “oh he has such pretty light green eyes”, when the reality is that as long as he is healthy and able to see is all that matters.

My whole life I have been made fun of by the way I look, either because I am chubby or because of my big ears. I really learned not to pay too much attention, but today my big ears are in the center of my brain’s turmoil.

When I was a kid I had two very bad things happen to my left ear. The first one was that a bug got stuck in there and it was trying to scratch its way out the wrong way. After a very painful night my parent finally believed that I had something in my ear and took me to the hospital to take a little bright green grasshopper looking thing out.

The second one was a very right ear infection. Swimmers ear they call it, and well, I did was a swimmer both in Colombia and here. The two incidents left me with partial hearing loss in one ear.

About a couple of months ago my wife started telling me that I listened to the TV too loud. More so than even before. I also started to have a hard time hearing people in normal conversation. It seems to have gotten worse and worse. So today I went to the doctor to have it checked out.

I love my doctor, she talks to me as a friend and remembers me and my wife. I have had good doctors in the past, but she is the best. Today she came in and was very upbeat about the whole check up and while she was diagnosing was chit chatting with me. Then her face started to change.

I am a people watcher. I watch for facial expressions all the time, it is how I read people from the first moment I meet them, specially around the eyes.

She told me my ears were very clean, she had initially mentioned that I could just have a build up of wax. Then she rubbed her fingers together right next to each ear and I heard it. So far so good, but her face will contort a little more.

She pulled out a device and placed it right next to my left ear, the bad one. I heard nothing. Then she placed it right next to my right ear and still nothing. She looked concerned and told me she would be right back. I was very scared, what did it mean?

She told me that the best thing to do is to go see an audiologist. Tomorrow afternoon I have my appointment with one. I am scared. I do not want to go through a self diagnosis phase so I am just going to wait until tomorrow but the prospect of going deaf is not without a lot of concerns… I guess we just have to wait and see.

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