Somewhat Personal

Everyone feels pain in a different way, and I think part of the human condition is to think that your pain is greater than what others are feeling. Then you see someone in a worse position that you are mentally, physically or financially and you are grateful for what you have. At least I am… at least I try to be that way. I used to try to entice some conversation by bringing up a topic that I thought needed exploring and further understanding. I even at times resorted to “trollin” a bit for fun, then a good friend called me out on it and made me realize that truly you don’t gain anything (not even entertainment value) from the practice. True and honest communication is more important.

I lost my dog Friday night. I have been separated from a beloved pet before by someone else taking it, or having to move to another country or just the proverbial toilet flush of a dead fish that you had for years… but this week for the first time I lost my dog. Lucy had been the first animal to give me this level of unconditional love, ever. Sure my cat Shayla is still around and it will be hard to deal with when she is not since she has been with me for now 13 years… but she is a cat. She does give a crap sometimes but most of the time she is just, well, a cat. Lucy was not like that. We lost our other dog earlier this year and he liked me… well he kind of tolerated me and was not at all cool with me being the new alpha. He accepted it but did not have to like it. Lucy even though she was the biggest dog and capable of probably ripping anything to shreds in her path was gentle. She was always happy to see me, she was always looking for a chance to lick my elbow (I think she knew I hated that) and was content with simply just laying down close to me by the couch or in the office.

We don’t know what took her away from us… the vet has theories, but no real answers. She did not whimper, she did not cry out, she just went to sleep forever very peacefully right next to my side of the bed.

There is a post that I drafted years ago and never posted. It has to do with pets and pet ownership. I probably will never post it because it is in a way a form of trying to entice people to a conversation on pet ownership.

I hate having pets. Mostly because they are a huge responsibility in a world already full of those. I am also highly allergic to them (touch a cat, then touch my eye and yea watch them puff up.) I hate getting close to them and the fact that in American life we (see I said we) value more the life of an animal right next to us than other human beings. I hate the fact that there are so many irresponsible pet owners out there. I hate the fact that we create connections with these animals and at times those are stronger bonds we have with other humans.

In the end I love Lucy because of the unconditional love she provided to me during at times some very difficult moments. Life changes, I have a lot to be happy about right now… but it truly sucks that I lost my dog.


1.unusual; not typical.
“crimes of exceptional callousness and cruelty”
synonyms: unusual, uncommon, abnormal, atypical, extraordinary, out of the ordinary, rare, unprecedented, unexpected, surprising; strange, odd, freakish, anomalous, peculiar, weird;
“the drought was exceptional”

I have a huge chip on my shoulder. Every time someone that has never been outside of the U.S. of A. and they call ‘Murrica the best country in the world, it irks me. Not because I think that Colombia is the best country in the world (even though I think it is a happier nation.) but because I think to call something the best you at least have to have something to compare it to. I also discount military that have been “off base” during their duties because like tourists they probably never “lived” in those countries. For a country so set on assimilation and propagating democracy, this country does little to get to know anyone else. So again, unless you have lived in another country and has actually tried to learn a little about their culture you have no business calling America the best country in the world.

That said, America is great and exceptional. Careful though, exceptional does not mean necessarily better. If you did have the chance to read what Putin addressed to us “A Plea for Caution” it is quite a well crafted piece. I’ve had some time to digest it now and while I don’t dismiss it as propaganda I do see it as somewhat of a slap in the face. Not of America, not even of Obama, but it is a slap on the “World Police” mentality. The UN is or was supposed to be that… but are they?

What Putin wrote bothers me. It bothers me not because some of what he says is correct, heck most of what he says is correct… but how can a piece that ends up being somewhat arrogant calls the US arrogant. The part that bothers me the most is the “exceptional” comment. The US is exceptional in many ways, it is not a perfect country and I am quite critical of it and its society at times, but it is the land of opportunity. It is the land of inequality, just hidden a little better than in other places.

You have to understand that even though I was born in another country and sometimes feel more part of the “Fifth Estate” than anything else, I am American. I finished my schooling here, I have worked most of my life here, I continue to shape who I am as a human being here. I am an American. While I do dream of retiring somewhere else, I will always be grateful for the opportunities this exceptional country gave me and still gives me.

So to Mr. Putin (I almost called you “Pootie Poot” which is what we call him in our household) while I am not against the notion that we are all created equal under God, this country houses a lot of different people, and yes different does things out of the ordinary. This is an exceptional nation, and while maybe not the best or better than any other country in many respects This is still America and we will continue trucking on.

Before the month ends!

It has been difficult to create content lately, not because there is a lack of stuff I want to talk about but because the blog format is simply not lending itself to me right now. I do have some good news though, a group of friends and I have started to work on a podcast. Episode one should be coming soon, but I think we might wait until we are in about the third one to actually start really spreading the word. Call it proof of concept for now.

Surprisingly enough I think that doing the podcast might make it so I blog more. I think being able to explore topics that I talk about in a podcast format might make me want to expand on them… maybe even blog before the podcast so that I get my ideas in order. Not sure if I am just hanging on to a dead medium or not… but hey sentimentalism is not a horrible thing now is it?

Horrible segue coming,

Not truly a dead blog, but a dead person talking to us from beyond. “A local sportswriter blogs about committing suicide.” I had heard about this story the day that it happened from a local radio station that basically figured it might be a hoax… it was not. The website he left is truly haunting in many respects. Not the least haunting is that I know people that think like the guy does. As some of you might know I have had to deal with death quite a bit lately… loss sucks… it is hard to get over, but it also gives us an opportunity to appreciate life.

I had a very informal conversation with someone after a business trip. I was not a fan of the place I had just visited for many reasons, I did not feel safe, I did not like the food, etc. The person responded with the ‘MURRICA is the greatest. I really hate that point of view, even more so when it comes from a person that has never traveled outside of ‘MURRICA. That coupled with death got me thinking more and more about retirement and getting old in this country.

I really don’t want to spend my “golden years” here. I think there are plenty of better places to retire at and I lean towards Colombia being a possible destination just because of familiarity. Trust me it is not the violence ridden nation it used to be back in the 90s, and while it is not a perfect place, no place in the world is. Getting old here in the US sucks because this society sees everything as disposable, including people.

It might sound like I am depressed but I am really not. I am not saddened by the thought of getting old, in fact I look forward to be able to do some things in my later years. Who knows I might even be in the kid making business still. I do want to be realistic about the future and about retiring. Maybe it is just wishful thinking about making it to old age.

* If you are thinking about suicide, there is help!

About Once a Month

That is the schedule that seems to be working out for me to actually blog. I still have the itch to produce content, but that back scratch-er seems to be out of reach. I have been wanting to share this podcast with you for a while, but their topics have always been kind of specific and I did not want you to get lost in the topic but rather get to know the guys doing a wonderful podcast. The current one talks about something that we all should care about in some level. The NSA getting all up in our digital business. Go listen to the Super Number One, I’ll wait.

Ok, even if you did not listen the discussion is what really makes me like these two guys. They have a conversation about it. Explore the subject with their own opinion and devil’s advocacy skills as well. I don’t always agree with what they say but they are always on point when it comes to diving a little deeper and having a true discussion. This topic of the NSA listening is an interesting one because it comes to us when a lot of people think of the digital divide as something that separates those from access to the internet vs those that don’t.

Don’t get me wrong, that does exist just as much as the divide between those people that have a bank account and those that just cash their paycheck every week. There are tons of lines that divide us and in cases dissecting our society can be quite complex. This NSA leak business though makes things a lot more complicated.

When was the last time that you saw that both political parties are dancing to the same song?

Why did this dude run to China? I know most of you guys are probably not interested but in the security community there have been a lot of noise about hacking and China lately. It is not new for the people that follow security, the new thing has been that it has been all over the financial news, and even the government wanted to start working on gathering information about attacks.

I work indirectly with security. I do however know analysts both professionally and personally. In fact about a couple of months back I had a conversation with one about this subject of social engineering and China just really hammering the US lately. Then this guy goes running to China with the whole Metadata scandal. If you did not listen to the podcast one of the things said that resonates with me the most (because it was my first comment after the news came out…) it is that this is not new information and basically the patriot act and carnivore were just earlier versions. Prism is really a 1.0 type of thing. My fictional mind says that maybe we are in version 5.0 somewhere underground.

Data without context means nothing and it can be dangerous. I wish I had an opinion on this but in reality we have really no data. We don’t know enough to be pissed about it, scared or feel safe. Can we really ever feel safe? When was the last time that a TSA check made you feel safer while flying?

The government listening to us makes me no more afraid than a corporation like facebook having so much demographic information on us. Or twitter, or this blog, or playing candy crush. Everything we do now has the potential to leave a trail. Whether that trail is used to sell us something or put us in jail when it becomes illegal to drink too much coffee, who knows.

One Friend Less

I see when I mess up in English, I was actually having a conversation about languages this week at work and saying how sometimes this language really limits me in expressing how I feel. There are words that simply don’t exist in this language (I have been writing a post about that one for a while.) One of my favorite examples is “Saudade.”

This week I also talked a lot about my blog to someone that does not blog. I explained how it was something I used a lot more back in the day but have since stopped using for various reasons. I do miss it, but today I got a chance to be motivated enough to actually post something. I was “unfriended” on facebook. Since the conversation was removed and probably nobody that knows the participants in the conversation even saw the exchange I figured, lets preserve the exchange without the authors… except for me. One disclaimer though, I do realize that people, conversation and context don’t exist on the internet and for the person that unfriended me this was probably the short end of the stick in the sense that it escalated without proper background. The person that unfriended me was someone that I was already questioning even having as someone that I read. They did survive several cullings (I love doing that on facebook for some reason) which is an activity that brings me almost as much inner peace as detailing my car.

Some more context. I am starting to hate facebook. It has amazing ways of viewing other people’s life unfold and it makes you almost feel part of things that happen oh so far away. It also lets you hear what I call “facebook prayers” which makes me wonder if some people just never talk to any other humans. The part I am tired of is the constant regurgitation of talking head points about racist, sexist, and just plain ignorant things. Some people seem so conditioned to it that at every slight opportunity ignorance comes out, and then the diatribe of the topic already regurgitated several times comes pouring out like a river that smells like the streets of New York. Aside – (Someone needs to come up with a true New York Perfume that smells like sidewalk piss.) Long week in New York… too much work not enough play I guess. After spending time there where the language you hear the least is English I come home to this little discussion.

Original Status – Heavily Redacted
Person 1
Carpet guys are here and I’m getting an education on country music. Apparently “country boys and girls getting down on the farm” is worth singing about. I also have become aware that there are women who thinks trucks are sexy. #TheMoreYouKnow
3 people like this.

Funny, witty, entertaining. The reason this person survived multiple cullings.

Person 2
Let me know if they are any good. I’m always on the lookout for good flooring guys. Just be thankful they speak English!

Person 1
They’re from XXXX XXXXX. Super polite. One of the guys is an apprentice and I can hear the older guy teaching him along the way.

Nothing to see right? Simple exchange. Well, not for me. My facebook feed feels inundated with this type of crap, not just by Person 2 but many other friends of friends that say just ignorant stuff without realizing it. I stay quiet and say nothing 99% of the time, but maybe because the topic had NOTHING to do with English speaking in the first place, or because I saw so many NON English speakers living and working in New York which for you geography buffs is part of ‘Murrica!

I’m curious Person 2, what does speaking English have to do with any of what Person 1 said? Furthermore, if they did not speak English and were contracted and did a great job why would it matter if they performed and maybe educated Person 1 on some Latin music? How many languages do you speak again Person 2?

I know. I am wrong… I opened up the door, you could even say I baited… but this was my hope. Maybe, people can see that jumping to the whole “SPEAK ENGLISH PEDRO!” BS is kind of offensive and most first generation naturalized Americans are tired of hearing that. Maybe people will stop assuming that every worker in this country that does something construction related does not speak English. In fact, if you talk to contractors in some areas of the country they will tell you that skilled labor left, to the point that they are poaching framers from each other’s jobs. I digress though. I just did not see where the whole, “be glad they speak English fits.” What kind of people do I associate with when they are glad that their ‘Murrica speaks only English? Assimilation complete at all. So here is where it gets very interested.

Person 2
It is VERY difficult for people to communicate with people who don’t speak English. I work with MANY hispanics, some from Mexico, some from El Salvador (and even guys from Eastern Europe). ALL of them speak English! It is a requirement because my guys have lots of interaction with homeowners. I also listen to a lot of latin “Polka sounding” music when around my guys. Not sure I like it any less than country music! I speak only one language, English.

I figured Person 2, but your comment is really offensive because the conversation had nothing to do with speaking English at all. Thank you though, I now know where not to take my business. I work in a environment where many of the people I interact with don’t know just one language, and English is not even close to being their primary language. I kind of chuckle at your VERY difficult, try to understand the word “Policy” in a legal environment where the meaning translation is “Politica”, which does not match with the literal translation. Its ok though Person 2 I am sure communicating with people from all over the world is can be very difficult when all you know is English. I like to communicate via food, but that is just me.

Here is where it kind of got surprising, one of the reasons that Person 1 was considered for previous culling was that I figured the antagonistic stuff came from a place of intelligence and not close mindedness.

Person 1
So (for the sake of being a dick because I’m bored) – if I move to Colombia I should just expect to speak English?

Person 2
I respect your opinion, John. I’ve heard countless stories of customers asking a worker a question about their specific project only to get either a blank stare or an “ok” from the worker. It has nothing to do with the quality of their work, but customer service. I’ve made a conscious effort to employ skilled people no matter where they are from! They must be legal to work in the US (no matter where they are from) and be checked through E-Verify. They must also be able to communicate with my homeowners. Heck, some of my hispanic guys do a better job of that than my American guys!

So now its a tag team!

Funny that you bring that up, many Americans actually do and live in closed communities sending their kinds to English only schools. That’s ok though Person 1, I now know what I am dealing with.

Person 2
If you move to Colombia (not Missouri!) you should expect to learn the language and assimilate into that culture.

Person 2
Those folks can attend the English only schools, that’s their prerogative. But don’t expect the locals to go out of their way to accommodate it!

Person 2 By the way, Person 1, I love it when you call yourself a dick!

I should have known better and stepped away after the flirting started, that should be private but it is facebook right?

People that take every opportunity to shine the light on topics that are not theirs but that a talking head gave them to discuss and use. It is really sad that a post that has nothing to do with “Speaking English” was taken there. I thought pointing that out would make it stop and maybe open a mind but I see that immediately where I a from is being questioned and now the word assimilation is brought up. I am as America as you two are.

Person 2
I never asked where you were from, nor does it really matter to me.

Person 1
You’re not making sense. What talking head? What topic that is “not mine”?

Person 2
It must be “Offend me Friday” or something.

What does your post have to do with speaking English? which is the first thing that Person 2 brought up. What does me being from another country have anything to do with pointing out that it is ignorant to bring up “people that don’t speak English” in a topic that had nothing to do with it.

I said it is offensive, not that I am offended. It does make me sad when I see this kind of ignorance though.

Person 1
This is done.

Topic deleted, Logtar was unfriended. I thought about posting the actual screen grab or posting it to lamebook for other people to comment on, but I figured I would use my little corner of the internet for my rant.

This is the thing. I am tired of being around people that are semi racist and intolerant of others but when called out on it they simply shrug and say, I am not racist. I am from another country and I personally can be racist in some situations. We don’t even want to do it but our brain is trained to… how, by being exposed to images and writing that is racist or intolerant. You might not think anything of it, but constantly being bombarded with, people should speak English, and undocumented workers are taking our jobs, and bla bla bla eventually becomes what everyone goes to when anything remotely related to the topic comes up. Why do I have to explain to people that even though I am from another country and speak more than one language I am American… BUT that does not make me one of the “good” ones or in any was assimilated, if anything I infect people with as much food and culture from other places in the world as I can. It is almost like my mission to make people see that communication is not just about language and that 20 seconds trying to look up what you are trying to say in a dictionary is not going to kill you but maybe teach you a thing or two. Tell the people of New York that they have to all speak English and be assimilated and they will laugh in your face, or a good portion not even understand you. I seriously thought that xenophobia was on the decline in this country. I guess it is alive and well.

Btw, I was not remotely offended by any of it. I was just more sad that I was right about the level of some people’s quick response to a topic that to me is much, much broader than just! “Learn English Pedro! You are in ‘Murrica!” Then again, the original post had nothing to do with it… that was my only point.

Go to top