Female to Male no Communication

I guess I will start with a disclaimer. What I say might come off as sexist, stupid or just plain wrong; but this is simply a brain dump from a couple of conversations and situations I have been dealing with lately. While some of it might also be related to my relationship with my wife, it is actually like 3 situations lately (from different couples) that has lead me to post this. I am hoping this is helpful to someone… and not just infuriating to the females that read this post.

The joke goes, there was a guy that figured out what women wanted… so what happened to him? He died laughing.

All joking aside, I have often said the following about women.

“Women want you to know what they want; not guess, but know. They will not tell you what they want because the moment they tell you, they don’t want it anymore.”

That sounds foreign to any male that reads it. Most of us don’t get that. We are almost not capable or rationalizing how someone can expect something without it being communicated. The female counterpart sees it completely different, they think their behavior, past experiences, Hollywood cheesy moves and “knowing” them should have made their wants completely clear to us, we are just too dumb to pick up on the “hints.”

I used to go crazy over that. I really did. It made no sense to me. So how do you fit a square peg into a round hole?

It turns out that most of the time it is delivery. How you deal with the situation might eventually make you seem pro at the game of life.

Women don’t necessarily want us to be able to forecast their every need… well at least the sensible ones. They want us to be able and willing to do those things out of our own accord and not because they asked us for them.

The first step is to discover how your significant other receives love. Is it gifts, is it words, is it physical affection, is it displays of compassion? What makes you endearing to them. Then do that often and not because you know they like it but because you enjoy doing it.

Let’s take getting flowers. If your woman loves flowers, enjoy the process. Get her flowers that mean something to her, or surprise her by getting her something in a color she likes. Maybe a flower that reminds her of a past trip or a past dinner. Maybe a flower that has an additional meaning or a little story. Being romantic is really not that complicated, just show some interest in the process and not just concentrate on the result.

The male is simple, we want food and sex. For the female it is way different. It goes beyond the physical fact that foreplay might prepare that area for action.

Sex to a woman is the cherry on top the ice cream, the ice cream is the dinner, or the phone call early in the day saying “Hey let’s get it on tonight.” To a guy, sex is the ice cream, the main event. We could give two craps about the cherry most of the time.

Finding that middle ground makes relationships a sundae or a banana split, LOL. Not making the effort in a relationship makes every time feel like you are eating McD’s soft serve.

I am not an expert, but I do think it is important to communicate. And well, this brain dump is what has helped me the most. I hope some of this helps others too navigate the weird dance that relationships can be.

Hard On

Even though some of my female readers would probably dissagree, I think males deal with hormones just as much as you do and not just during “that” time of the month. We are constantly charged with heavy doses of testosterone which makes us be prone to animalistic instincts like getting excited by the violence in the UFC or admire boobage wherever it presents itself.

Males spend most of their teenager years trying to learn how to handle erections. Its probably one of the toughest parts of going through puberty to have to deal with erections that we cannot either control nor take care of. This lead to one of the more weird instances of impromptu “sexual education” in my young life.

We were in Spanish class and the teacher was going on about his lecture. We were a particularly misbehaved group that was not only mean to each other, but also to the teachers. We got in our share of trouble and a lof of highschool was about who could do more mischief at one time or another. As the teacher continued with his lesson which sadly I cannot remember, one of my classmates yelled “Gonzalo (the teacher)” has a hardon.

Laughter ensued and even though all of us could relate since it was an all male school, the teacher was really disturbed by the acussation. His face changed and now that I remember the incident as an adult I can imagine how mortified he was. Back then I did not know the difference between a “shower” and a “grower.” Gonzalo got visually more upset and redder as the seconds continue to pass. Then he repeated the accusation trying to probably look for a reaction from the culprit but we had our “no snittching” rule in place for quite some time by then.

Then he went on a long tirade about how the penis multipies in size during an erection and seemed even close to just losing it during it. He looked so upset that we stopped laughin altogether and just listened about how if he had a hardon we would have “really” noticed it. He eventually cooled off and continued the lecture but it was an intersting reaction by an adult losing its cool over an obvious erroneous claim of “hard on.”

As adults we learn how to control erections and don’t walk around with a full flag pole salute unless we are about to perform; but during those teenage gears where if the wind hits just the right way we sported one it was a lot harder (lol pun) to conceal. Heavy books seemed to always be a good cover, but it was rather embarrasing when it was not Gonzalo that got called out for a “chubby” (not sure why but that word when referring to an erection still makes me giggle) but one of us. I certainly would not want to deal with aunt “flo” coming to visit every month, but uncontrolled erections were no fun to deal when during those years.

Fired because wife is a Porn Star

I am actually proud that one of my readers is an actual adult sex worker. I have never been in the position to use a sex worker, but I am not opposed to pr0n at all. I don’t find it to be something dirty or shameful. I also think that everyone has baggage when coming into a relationship and being an adult film star is no different to me than having had to work in McD’s. Two close friends have dated adult dancers in the past, and I would never think less of someone that did what they had to do to survive. It is party because I believe that people use sex in a marriage as currency are no different than prostitutes. I know some people’s morals are different, but what you did on your past and is not prosecuted by law and your spouse does not mind should not be anyone elses business.

How the city council in Fort Myers Beach, Florida came to the conclusion that their city manager’s wife’s past made him unfit to do his job is beyond me. Their reasoning was that it would bring attention and distraction to the city, and by them firing the dude it did just that.

We all have different things that are willing to compromise in a relationship, and if this dude can handle being married to a porn star, then good for him. To have him not be able to hold a job because of that reason is pretty ridiculous to me. We live in a society where someone that kills another human being while driving intoxicated can go ahead and continue to earn millions, but we don’t let someone that married a porn star work?

I wonder how the city council found out and if they had to verify it during their closed door meeting.

Same Sex Marriage

Sunday, Miss California might have thrown away the chance to become Miss USA. She certainly did not get “fabulous” Perez Hilton’s vote. While I could sit here and talk about the legitimacy of an event that uses Mr. Hilton as a judge, I do think the spectacle raised a good issue that seems to be getting hotter and hotter because now Iowa and Vermont have legalized same sex marriage.

I wrote about this topic a while ago and if anything my belief that we should allow two people to enter this kind of union regardless of sex is even stronger now.

To even enter this discussion I now ask people the following question. Do you believe that being gay is a choice or innate?

The gay people I have talked to have always told me how difficult a live as an openly gay person can be, and that many people would not chose that life. While there has to be exceptions to every rule, for me it is the way that you are born. From what I have read, science tends to back that up also. I have formed this opinion over years and friendships, however the thing that tipped the scale over was that most gay people I have talked to believed were born that way. People like Ted Haggard might believe that those “impulses” is something that can be “cured,” but I think it only leads to pain and deceit.

I believe that fighting to keep people from getting married is a waste of energy. Proclaiming that it should be only between a man and a woman is a pretty weak argument in today’s world. I understand that government sees the potential for children as the basis for the language in marriage law, but I certainly think that more and more people chose not to have children but still enter the covenant of marriage.

I think conservatives should really concentrate on how to keep marriages together before they start telling other people what to do or not to. Divorce to me is a way bigger problem than same sex marriage. The only marriage prevention I would like to see is letting people that are too young or unprepared for the commitment enter into marriage. Educating people before they get into marriage I think would prevent a lot of divorces, maybe even discourage some from even entering into them, but this is a topic for some other day.

Perez Hilton is someone I don’t particularly like and actually think he helps fuel the whole celebrity culture that swallowed what used to be pop culture. However, he does have a point when he says that Miss California should be trying to unite rather than to give her personal opinion when giving the Miss USA stage. Same sex marriage should be legal for many reasons, and we need to start making this a human issue and not a gay issue. Homosexuals are humans and should be allowed the same rights.

Watchmen (*)

If you are a fan of the graphic novel, under the age of 18 or offended by genitalia stop reading now. I went to see this movie as a complete virgin to the series. I had heard nothing about Watchmen, which surprised me because I thought I knew a little more about comics than your average person. I am not sure if reading the comic book before would have made this movie better, but I think that people that judge it with those eyes might be a little more kind. I don’t think so though, because even though I like Superman and Spider Man a lot, the most recent movies sucked.

If you are never going to watch this movie, then continue reading because I am about to tear it apart… along with probably some of the comic book and probably make a couple of enemies along the way… but hey, I voted for Obama and that already lost me friends, so what is another couple just because I thought a movie was completely ghey.

The superhero genre is getting a little over saturated. I think Dare Devil and Electra started to show us that, and well from then on we have seen a series of crap where the only golden nugget has been The Dark Knight. Everything else as movies has been a pile of crap, and Watchmen seriously felt like stepping on steaming poo.

I would like to start by what I did like. I think that Jackie Earle Haley as Walter Kovacs / Rorschach is impeccable. He kept the movie flowing and I was waiting to see what he was going to say next every single time that he appeared on screen. His character was the only one that seem to have not only depth but any type of likability. Even as a very flawed human being he was still able to be someone you wanted to survive, but he ended up getting blown to pieces because of the greater good.

For a second imagine a world where Superman does not put Lex Luthor in jail, but rather becomes his ally because he thinks humanity is so flawed that what is 15 million people’s death if billions can be saved in the future. In the same train of thought imagine that Batman is not as good of a detective he is, but more of an accountant type that can’t get it up for a beautiful woman, he has to first take the batwing for as spin to regain his manhood that was left hanging along with his cape. The joker is a rapist that is actually allowed to be part of the good guys. All over this comic we see caricatures of other beloved heroes. It is almost like their flaws are being inflated and the painted on top of a canvas mirroring our current paranoia and divisiveness. It is not that the heroes have gone bad, it is more like the heroes were never good.

I get the fact that people live violence and sex. I also think that there is such a thing as too much blood and violence. The blowing up of human bodies is just not something I enjoy seeing, along with attempted rape, bones broken and being exposed through skin and child dismemberment. It did not seem to add anything to the story and the fight scenes just seemed like an excuse to poor some more blood on the camera. In a world already so full of destruction I want to go see a movie that entertains me, not a movie that depresses me.

Every single character is flatter than the pages of the graphic novel that they came from. I am sure the true fans of the series would say that I am missing the point or the satire in the content, but trust me, the package it was delivered on was pretty horrible. Talking about packages, I never though i would see a movie where there would be 4 blue penises on the same frame. If you thought 300 was homoerotic, well there are about 300 frames of penises in this movie. When there was for I had to resist the urge to yell out loud, come on, enough of the blue penises. While there were a couple of bare breasts in the movie, they did not make up for the penis overload, not even one vajajay.

The special effects throughout the movie felt wrong. The camera angles tried too hard to be comic book frames. When the most believable part of an alternate universe is that Nixon stayed in power for three terms, you have serious issues. To me the movie was pretty bad, and it was only somewhat entertaining. I would not even consider this a rental unless you enjoy looking at mans buttocks and full frontal over and over and over.

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