Jealous People

This weekend I am texting back and forth with Nuke. The all of a sudden he switches gear and starts talking about a “mail” bikini. It was not mail, it was actually scale armor, but I digress.

Eventually the pictures of such bikini surfaced and one of the comments on the picture made me go, wtf.

Facebook comments often times make me go WTF, but this one took the cake this week for me.

… without giving out the who, well, I kind of did in some ways already … the comment went something like, “You still got it, when are you going to get middle age and fat already?”

I have no clue who the person that made the comment is. For all I know they are good friends and joke like this all the time, but it really made me wonder why some woman say stuff like that to each other. Was it a joke or a truly jealous comment?

I am not that interested in getting to the bottom of that one, but it did make me thing about jealousy. Mostly about jealous people.

It has to suck to want what others have but you can’t have. I thank my Mom for bringing me up to never really want something simply because someone else had it. My self-worth is not attached to my personal possessions or how I look. That is not to say that I don’t want to have nice things, or be in shape… but I don’t see Brad Pitt and say, I hate that guy for having that body.

Jealousy sometimes is simply masked insecurity. It is not something easy to conquer in every situation, but it can really derail things in an emotional level. I guess the only way to combat it is to be self-assured or satisfied with what you have.

Stupid Arguments

In recent years, thanks to a lot of very frank conversations with my wife I have found out a little more about the relationship dance. Often times it is not the action that is important, it is the intent and how you communicate that intent. We don’t have to always guess exactly what our significant other wants, we just have to want to make them feel special.

One of the most famous arguments, and to me most frustrating is “What are we going to have for dinner?” We have tried so many different ways of settling that dumb argument, but in the end as long as I continue to be both flexible, loving and not frustrated with her inability to just know what she wants (or me guess what she wants before she knows it herself) we are O.K.

I am the master of taking things personal. Using that same example I would see it as a competition. Hey I am “better” because I will eat whatever, I am the flexible one, I win. In reality I was not being the best I husband I could be in that situation. I could have been providing choices and enjoying the whole experience of picking something together. I could have been decisive and say, this is what I want tonight, or I really have a taste for this. Instead many times I would just trow my arms up in frustration and just give up. Dumb right? But so are any arguments when communication breaks down.

I am a firm believer that we all have pressure valves. We never argued about much, but for a bit we seemed to argue about that dinner thing a lot. That was a way for us to get frustration out. There are more constructive ways of course, but nobody is perfect.

Everyone talks about communication but nobody really tells you what it means. I have a simple formula for it.

If there is anything that you tell a friend and you end with the sentence “but I cannot tell X to Y because they will get mad, or won’t understand, or never listen,” then you are not communicating.

We all seem to get into this routine of thinking we know a person completely and know their reactions to everything. It is almost like we are in a game show like the newlywed and lose if we don’t know all the answers.

Guess what, though? That’s wrong! The best part about a relationship is having the room for the other person to surprise you. Hey you might have been married to them forever and they hate spicy food, but then maybe the one hundred time you ask they might be like, “you know what, let me give it a go.”

I am not saying that you should push every button that you know the other person does not like. I am saying don’t always assume the same response, don’t always try to guess what they would say. You may know them well and know 90% of the responses and be right… but what about that other 10%. That is what communication is about. Letting yourself be surprised by that 10% that is different from the same response as always.

I have done things in life that I never though I would. I am learning things about myself every day. A lot of it thanks to my wife. Are we perfect? No way. We still have our communication problems. I think is important to keep on asking questions, never thinking we know everything about each other. That keeps it fun, keeps it fresh.

Most important of all, make sure that you do communicate those things you think you can’t. Make sure it is at the right time and in the right setting, but say them. Your partner in life should be that person that you can share everything with. If you don’t feel you can, there is something wrong and it should be addressed.

Trust me, you will have a way happier relationship if you ask what the other person is feeling or thinking instead of assuming you always know.

The Day Has Come

F@ck ME!

So, for a long time I’ve had the feeling that knowing as many people as I do would get out of hand. I knew I would eventually forget who someone is and where I know them from. That has happened a lot since I turned 30 and having lived in 3 different states and all. 90% of the time they are from the motorcycle scene but I can place them pretty quickly even if I don’t remember their name.

Today was the ultimate though. On the elevator on my way down to lunch I went in with a couple of people. I recognized the voice of one of them. I know him from somewhere, but cannot remember from where. I remember the voice, I remember the face, but I cannot place him at all. Don’t know his name, don’t know exactly if it was from college days, consulting days… NO FREAKING CLUE!

Besides the fact that I feel old, not XO old, but still old… I have the tingling sensation that we would see each other a lot. We work on the same floor and even though it is different departments, I see people from that department all the time.

We did not get a chance to talk but he did recognize me and said, hey we should catch up. F@CK.

He was going to lunch with one of the “stoic Eastern European” people that work here. You cannot read them, they never smile… so I don’t have any way of getting information on what he does for the company.

I have pictures from our graduation and he was not in there, I know each one of the people there… including the guy that we never learned his name but we just called him Jeff.

Getting old sucks. I remember his voice clearly though, so it has to be someone that I spent time with either in class or at work. My brain just simply can’t place him.

The only other good thing is that he could be a friend of a friend or something. WHY CAN’T I REMEMBER?

Accused of Ignorance

I honestly don’t mind being called ignorant, in fact I love it when someone does it because 9/10 times they have no clue what they are talking about so it makes it ironic and amusing. There are plenty of things I am clueless about, but I love to learn when the opportunity presents itself. I sometimes forget about posts that caused “controversy” but a nice comment today reminded me of one of my favorites.

Look people…You need to get a life! If you don’t like the exhibit then don’t go, problem solved! Stop trying to get people to boycott or shut down the exhibit just because you don’t approve. That is completely ignorant! So to all of you out there that think this is in humane Grow Up and get over yourselves.

As one of the people posted, our boycott was not successful. The company is alive and traveling the country. It makes me sad that some people can put aside the fact that some of those bodies were not donated to science, but someone is commercializing what can be described as organ trafficking. Yeap, stolen bodies! that is what you are going to go “learn” from.

So to reply to my latest poster Samantha!

First, lets see… I need to get a life. Dam it Samantha! you got me, I have no life! I play video games so I am constantly told that I need to get one. Where can I buy a life? Please help me Samantha. I long for a life. The fact that I have a job and a twitter account does not count for a life. I guess maybe I will be lucky enough to some day have Samantha come back and tell me how I get a life. At least she did not call me a loser.

Second, I did not go Samantha… and neither did most of my lazy blogger friends (thanks Burro) because we took a moral stance against something most of us found disgusting and just plain evil to profit from someone’s remains which are sacred to a lot of people. Even if I was atheist, which Tim Teabow might accomplish, I still would not be ok with someone’s remains being displayed like this against their will. So Samantha, I had already solved my one problem.

Third! the definition of a boycott

“A boycott is an act of voluntarily abstaining from using, buying, or dealing with a person, organization, or country as an expression of protest, usually for political reasons. It can be a form of consumer activism.”

so sorry, but as much as you are within your right to go see prisoners plastiniced, I am in my right to try to spread the message that people should not. I find it deplorable that so many people hide behind the whole “science” and something that was just available to the “few” before can now be seen by ALL! OMG now I can be just like that celebrity scientist!

There are WAY better educational routes, and even the 1% of me that thinks that Burro made a great point saying that some kid might be inspired by seeing this is quickly overruled by the reality of how the bodies were obtained.

FOURTH! and the most important part of this whole thing… how is me wanting to boycott something that I don’t believing ignorant? I guess my inferior intellect is keeping me from understanding the magnitude that Bodies Revealed has as an intellectual tool… screw the iPad, screw google, screw computers and 3D models, screw MEDICINE… bodies revealed is all I need not be ignorant! group rates available.

Cinco! “in humane” is right, IN went the polymer into the dudes from that Chinese prison.

So Samantha, I am not against science or the study of the human body. I personally find some of this grotesque even though have seen and held human tissue in my hands for educational purposes. Ok that sounded like I was self sex educating myself, but no, what I was trying to say is that I have handled the organs of a dead body. Oh wait that sounds even worse. Ok, lets try again. I did take a physiology “honors-woot” class which included seeing a dissected human body and handling some of the preserved organs. Those bodies were donated to science and were a great educational tool. Now if those people would have been ok with being put through plastination, AWESOME… but I still find deplorable that a company uses Chinese prisoners bodies to make money in the name of science.

In conclusion, no I am not going to get over myself! I am still in love with myself and want to stay that way. I am not breaking up with myself just for you Samantha! so please quite patronizing me and tell all your friends to come read this! better yet, post it on facebook and tell them how mean I am. The more people that learn where those bodies come from the better.

Lets Talk Religion

“Religion is an insult to human dignity. With or without it, you’d have good people doing good things and evil people doing bad things, but for good people to do bad things, it takes religion.”
Steven Weinberg

Not too long ago I started the conversation about faith. From the comments and conversations that followed we came to the same fork on the road. Religion.

I actually don’t talk about religion as much as I would like to in here because I don’t truly like to alienate people based on my views of it. If you have never met me I will give you a little bit of my background with religion.

I grew up in a Catholic household with both parents being churchgoers at different times in their lives. Church was not a family affair. I also went to a Catholic high school which kind of gave me a different view on going to church and religion. Religion IS a subject down in Colombia for even non parochial schools. I have never been married in the Catholic church even though I would not mind it. I identify with the cultural aspect of Catholicism because it is very familiar to me. I have also explored other faiths specially in the protestant side of things.

I have attended protestant or “Born Again christian” churches for months with various degrees of creepiness at the end. They have always ended up the same way. First is the push for me to take more of an outreach position when they see that I can speak in front of people without much issue. Then when I decline and want to be just a member it seems like I become “one of those that doesn’t want to spread the message.” The moment I started to ask too many questions that challenged leadership in any way steps are taken to make me either follow in line or be labeled as an “outsider.” The chronology is different depending on the church but it has happened twice now.

I have always ended up in a protestant church thanks to a friend that thinks it will be good for me. I love the singing and bible studies. I love talking ideas, good, bad, salvation, sin. I love the volunteer work. The problem is that I was brought up by Franciscans and some of them taught me that religion is not what is important, that true understanding comes from questioning things. Faith is not something that you can give to others, they have to feel it themselves… its like trying to make someone happy, you can only “try” for so long. It has to come from within.

(Well known mathematician Freeman Dyson has criticized Weinberg’s remark: “And for bad people to do good things—that [also] takes religion.”)

A Franciscan monk is the one that pointed out that our history books in school left a lot of stuff out.

The problem with taking advice about religion from others is that for people like me it is a journey. If you would have asked me 10 years ago, I would have one answer. If you would have asked me during the Bears vs Broncos game, I would have another. If you ask me 10 years from now, I might have another one.

I don’t think I lack faith. I just don’t like to rely on intangibles for things to happen. That said, I have leaned on praying before to get me through tough times. Probably the reason that I could not become a full atheist because when the ship was sinking I would be asking for God. My brain, my debates with others, the books I read, all make me question the validity of both faith and religion. I don’t need it to get through my daily life, but faith is a powerful thing… like love.

The bible is a cool book, Jesus was a cool man… but there are other books and there are other great men.

A lot of horrible things have been done in the name of religion. Also a lot of good is done in the same name. I think in the end everything with an arterial motive goes back to human weakness. All tools can be used for good or evil, it depends a lot on who’s hands is holding them.

Things get a lot more complicated when you are the “Godfather” to 3 kids!

I love the honor that comes with the title. I also want to make sure that if I am ever called to answer questions about it I will have good answers. Note I did not say the “right” answer, but a good one.