Just before begining to write this I did check to make sure that my buddy Nuke had not started his post. I was visiting when we got into the subject of “who owns your facebook wall.” I think he will have an interesting post about the subject and I am really looking forward to commenting on what he writes. This did spark a long discussion and a lot of thoughts in my head.

I started blogging back in 2004 from Michigan. I still travelled back to Chicago quite a bit, and even though I did make an awesome friend in Michigan thanks to my blog locally, my best friend is all the way out in California. My blog did not really go local until I moved to Kansas City. I have met many of the commenters on my blog, followed a ton of new people and created awesome relationships outside of the internet world. I loved the KC bloggin community, it felt like a family. Then came twitter and it changed the landscape completely.

I like a lot of the people I met through twitter and it is a great place to find people to do stuff with on short notice. I do DM people more than actually tweet so its more like an overgrown rollodex for me. I do hear that people have discussions and chats with the site, but I have not really seen it as a platform and besides harrassing meesha, XO, Nuke and The D I really don’t seem to get much out of my miliage there.

Writting on a blog does not only take inspiration, it takes actual effort. The time it takes to type an entry here I could have tweeted all about how many times I pooped today and how all of a sudden I have more regular bowel movements. Yeap, some people tweet that crap… literally. As amusing as it is, I don’t feel like I own my twitter account and have gone back and forth between open and closed to only friends.

With facebook it has never been a question for me, its a communication tool for those people I know. My soapbox has always been my blog. Facebook is more like my livingroom. Facebook merges not only the world of my friends and family with internet buddies, but also people I met via twitter. Linkedin has been kept mostly business and I might connect with you in linkedin but not friend you.

My facebook has always been about foodporn mostly because I know it annoys some of my friends, and it makes others hungry. Its fun to taunt people with food the have had but have no immediate access to. I don’t get too political in there, and really don’t anywhere anymore. I do feel like I own my wall and my connections. If I don’t like what you are posting (hate related stuff mostly) my connection to you is severed. I do like debate and civil conversation, but the moment that something becomes about namecalling or hate I really don’t want it there. Just like I would not want it in the livingroom of my home. I like my wall to feel like a place of safe exchange, not a place to take dumps.

I know I don’t own my wall, facebook owns it. I do own this blog, the domain and the content here. I don’t often delete comments here unless I don’t like you or your message. Careful though, don’t assume that just because you have an opposing view I don’t like you. I do like intelligent debate. Sheeple, not so much.

Facebook Sheeple

This weekend visiting the KC Ethnic Festival I felt amazing. It was not just the company of my awesome nurse, which does make things that much more fun. It was the feeling that human can find things to relate with each other (awesome food) rather than things that separate us (the never ending hateful posts on facebook recently.) That feeling of how many people can come together and share something is what I felt in the bloggin community here in KC.

I know this is going around in many circles, but it does have a point or common theme. I miss the debate that blogs used to create, I miss the exchange of ideas, but most of all I miss the sense of community. The bloogsphere here in KC used to feel like a nice hangout and facebook used to feel like it had the potential to continue that. Today as their stuck plummets facebook reminds me more of myspace than it should.

In the world of the internet we all know that we seldom go backwards. Not sure if we can get back to blogs or not but it is a nice dream isn’t it.


As my world seems to explode with political ads, I cannot simply be excited by the implosion of the republican party that now stands for nothing but whatever they think will get them elected. Obamacare being the evil that it is, specially coming from that no carrying illegal Muslim of a president we have. Bigotry seems to be the high fashion these days. It matters not that I studied for the constitution exam when becoming a citizen. “No siree(, Bob)!” my “brown” complexion makes me an automatic Mexican; better yet, if I go to Arizona I might even be deported to my country of “origin.”

I promise to hold back on the quotes… as “hard” as it might be.

I am just tired of how diluted our world becomes every day when we look for common denominators on things that really don’t matter. We ignore what is really going on around us and can unite us and go for those things that separate us. What do I have in common with a multimillionaire that pays little taxes? Nothing. What do I have in common with many other Americans struggling to make their house payments? A lot more. Yet, I see people every day supporting ideologies that people that they have nothing in common with (besides some rhetoric.) Ideologies sometimes as dangerous as ones that support that inequality that should have been abolished long ago. Equality only applies to the opportunity to make money, not to anything else.

This is not just about eating some crappy chicken either.

When the ads on TV do nothing but attack candidates it makes it clear that they are not trying to convey a message, they are just trying to win a race. They are not trying to win your support, they are trying to make the other guy lose more support. Political parties seem to now have a checklist to determine if you are now in line what with they believe or not. We don’t vote for individuals, we vote for clones that fit the current molds the best. The thing we are losing though is respect. Self respect.

Instead of discussing politics and trying to build on each other’s ideas we have do spend tons of time a day tuning out the same garbage over and over. Instead of talking of solutions we talk about how we can undo what the other person is doing. Nobody respects ideas anymore unless they are the same one as our own.

If you want to eat chicken from a place that does not support gay marriage, do so.

I personally have always been for gay marriage. I have debated that topic in the past before and the conclusion for me at least is that if you believe it is a choice to be gay, there is no reason for me to talk to you about the subject any longer. It’s something I have made my mind up about. A gay person’s choice of not being gay anymore is as easy as me trying to stop being brown by bleaching my skin and shaving my head to be something I am not. I could chose to pretend I am not something, but when you are what you are there is really no choice. The choice is on the behavior side of things not on what the person is.

We live in a world that seems to want to remind us of labels constantly instead of wanting to judge us for our deeds. I hope that changes. I chose to look at people for who they are and what their actions are, not for what label society wants to put on them. If you are not capable of that, good luck with your life deprived of the browns and the gays and possibly the non bigot pasty people too.

Boston, the Float and 50 Shades of Crap

So much to talk about, so little time to actually do it. To say that I have been busy lately is to say that DaVinci had a little talent. Life is full right now, but in a good way. The only negative at the moment is that my uncle is close to the end… but that is a post that I don’t want to elaborate on right now.

I just got back from Boston and then right after headed down to southern MO for some river madness. Before getting into those two I want to get into something that I cannot stay quiet about.

So, remember how creepy it was that 40 year old women were lusting over “Edward” and “Jacob.” Yeap, just as creepy as a 40 year old dude lusting over a teenager. So one of those crazy ladies wrote a fanfiction about how cool it would be if an “Edward” type character was all grown up… and well, lets add some misguided view of the BDSM world and voila… we have crap literature. There is plenty of good smut out in the internet, not just pr0n but actual written stories about BDSM that are far better written and not so absurd.

I wish I was more connected with the BDSM world so I could be more pissed, but everything that I have heard about this gem of a book has made me want to vomit. It pains me to know that there are people out there reading this and thinking that it is in any way a representation of that world. It is just as bad as when people think that Colombia is a place where you fly to accompanied by chickens and pigs. I guess the world is becoming a place where you forget what fiction means and take everything you read as reality. I guess we can thank the news for creating more and more sheep every day. Then I read recently that they are going to make a movie… and I really needed a barf bag.

So switching gears from something I am begining to hate to something I had hated for a while, lets talk about the outdoors.

I am not a camping kind of guy. I belive that we have evolved so we don’t have to sleep on the ground anymore. So when a “float” trip was looming in the horizon I was so not looking forward to being in the outdoors. I was put at easy when running water and indoor plumbing were included in the plans. The whole pooping in the woods is just not for me.

I was dreading heading that far south because with the proximity to ARkansas I was afraid of some misguided minuteman that might want to catch themselves and illegal. Deliverance images flashed through my head as I drove down there and was almost ready to turn around and drive right back to civilization. I will leave some of the details out for a future post, I did save a life while going down the river… but let me tell you that I might become more of an outdoor person now.

The place we stayed at was fantastic. Beautiful scenary, very nice people, long chats by the campfire. I really enjoyed the time spent down there (where I was not fearing that someone was going to drown). It really cemented my future plan of some day owning some lakefront property in the future.

Last but not least I visited Boston for business. I got to see the green monster and ate plenty of seafood. The city is pretty and I wish I can spend some time there and walk around… however, NEVER DRIVE THERE!!! its ridiculous to have to wait 2 hours to go 20 miles. This is all I have for now, I promise that I will try to start writing more soon. Love being back in KC, and looking forward to traveling a little more.

Jealous People

This weekend I am texting back and forth with Nuke. The all of a sudden he switches gear and starts talking about a “mail” bikini. It was not mail, it was actually scale armor, but I digress.

Eventually the pictures of such bikini surfaced and one of the comments on the picture made me go, wtf.

Facebook comments often times make me go WTF, but this one took the cake this week for me.

… without giving out the who, well, I kind of did in some ways already … the comment went something like, “You still got it, when are you going to get middle age and fat already?”

I have no clue who the person that made the comment is. For all I know they are good friends and joke like this all the time, but it really made me wonder why some woman say stuff like that to each other. Was it a joke or a truly jealous comment?

I am not that interested in getting to the bottom of that one, but it did make me thing about jealousy. Mostly about jealous people.

It has to suck to want what others have but you can’t have. I thank my Mom for bringing me up to never really want something simply because someone else had it. My self-worth is not attached to my personal possessions or how I look. That is not to say that I don’t want to have nice things, or be in shape… but I don’t see Brad Pitt and say, I hate that guy for having that body.

Jealousy sometimes is simply masked insecurity. It is not something easy to conquer in every situation, but it can really derail things in an emotional level. I guess the only way to combat it is to be self-assured or satisfied with what you have.

Stupid Arguments

In recent years, thanks to a lot of very frank conversations with my wife I have found out a little more about the relationship dance. Often times it is not the action that is important, it is the intent and how you communicate that intent. We don’t have to always guess exactly what our significant other wants, we just have to want to make them feel special.

One of the most famous arguments, and to me most frustrating is “What are we going to have for dinner?” We have tried so many different ways of settling that dumb argument, but in the end as long as I continue to be both flexible, loving and not frustrated with her inability to just know what she wants (or me guess what she wants before she knows it herself) we are O.K.

I am the master of taking things personal. Using that same example I would see it as a competition. Hey I am “better” because I will eat whatever, I am the flexible one, I win. In reality I was not being the best I husband I could be in that situation. I could have been providing choices and enjoying the whole experience of picking something together. I could have been decisive and say, this is what I want tonight, or I really have a taste for this. Instead many times I would just trow my arms up in frustration and just give up. Dumb right? But so are any arguments when communication breaks down.

I am a firm believer that we all have pressure valves. We never argued about much, but for a bit we seemed to argue about that dinner thing a lot. That was a way for us to get frustration out. There are more constructive ways of course, but nobody is perfect.

Everyone talks about communication but nobody really tells you what it means. I have a simple formula for it.

If there is anything that you tell a friend and you end with the sentence “but I cannot tell X to Y because they will get mad, or won’t understand, or never listen,” then you are not communicating.

We all seem to get into this routine of thinking we know a person completely and know their reactions to everything. It is almost like we are in a game show like the newlywed and lose if we don’t know all the answers.

Guess what, though? That’s wrong! The best part about a relationship is having the room for the other person to surprise you. Hey you might have been married to them forever and they hate spicy food, but then maybe the one hundred time you ask they might be like, “you know what, let me give it a go.”

I am not saying that you should push every button that you know the other person does not like. I am saying don’t always assume the same response, don’t always try to guess what they would say. You may know them well and know 90% of the responses and be right… but what about that other 10%. That is what communication is about. Letting yourself be surprised by that 10% that is different from the same response as always.

I have done things in life that I never though I would. I am learning things about myself every day. A lot of it thanks to my wife. Are we perfect? No way. We still have our communication problems. I think is important to keep on asking questions, never thinking we know everything about each other. That keeps it fun, keeps it fresh.

Most important of all, make sure that you do communicate those things you think you can’t. Make sure it is at the right time and in the right setting, but say them. Your partner in life should be that person that you can share everything with. If you don’t feel you can, there is something wrong and it should be addressed.

Trust me, you will have a way happier relationship if you ask what the other person is feeling or thinking instead of assuming you always know.