Female to Male no Communication

I guess I will start with a disclaimer. What I say might come off as sexist, stupid or just plain wrong; but this is simply a brain dump from a couple of conversations and situations I have been dealing with lately. While some of it might also be related to my relationship with my wife, it is actually like 3 situations lately (from different couples) that has lead me to post this. I am hoping this is helpful to someone… and not just infuriating to the females that read this post.

The joke goes, there was a guy that figured out what women wanted… so what happened to him? He died laughing.

All joking aside, I have often said the following about women.

“Women want you to know what they want; not guess, but know. They will not tell you what they want because the moment they tell you, they don’t want it anymore.”

That sounds foreign to any male that reads it. Most of us don’t get that. We are almost not capable or rationalizing how someone can expect something without it being communicated. The female counterpart sees it completely different, they think their behavior, past experiences, Hollywood cheesy moves and “knowing” them should have made their wants completely clear to us, we are just too dumb to pick up on the “hints.”

I used to go crazy over that. I really did. It made no sense to me. So how do you fit a square peg into a round hole?

It turns out that most of the time it is delivery. How you deal with the situation might eventually make you seem pro at the game of life.

Women don’t necessarily want us to be able to forecast their every need… well at least the sensible ones. They want us to be able and willing to do those things out of our own accord and not because they asked us for them.

The first step is to discover how your significant other receives love. Is it gifts, is it words, is it physical affection, is it displays of compassion? What makes you endearing to them. Then do that often and not because you know they like it but because you enjoy doing it.

Let’s take getting flowers. If your woman loves flowers, enjoy the process. Get her flowers that mean something to her, or surprise her by getting her something in a color she likes. Maybe a flower that reminds her of a past trip or a past dinner. Maybe a flower that has an additional meaning or a little story. Being romantic is really not that complicated, just show some interest in the process and not just concentrate on the result.

The male is simple, we want food and sex. For the female it is way different. It goes beyond the physical fact that foreplay might prepare that area for action.

Sex to a woman is the cherry on top the ice cream, the ice cream is the dinner, or the phone call early in the day saying “Hey let’s get it on tonight.” To a guy, sex is the ice cream, the main event. We could give two craps about the cherry most of the time.

Finding that middle ground makes relationships a sundae or a banana split, LOL. Not making the effort in a relationship makes every time feel like you are eating McD’s soft serve.

I am not an expert, but I do think it is important to communicate. And well, this brain dump is what has helped me the most. I hope some of this helps others too navigate the weird dance that relationships can be.

Monday Ramble

– Today does not feel like a Monday.
– It feels more like a really weird Wednesday.
– I think a lot of people took the day off.
– The weekend seemed to have gone by way too fast.
– Trying another Indian Restaurant failed again.
– The bar is maybe set too high from our favorite place back in KC.
– I keep on saying that its the service, but that is not true.
– Food should not make you sick after you eat it.
– We are spoiled having a Colombian bakery to make up for bad food.
– Old posts seem to be getting comments lately.
– I want to revisit some of those posts.
– I make tons of simple mistakes when writing because I write too fast.
– I try to edit every post before I hit publish.
– If i edited everything to perfection I would never post anything.
– I actually have a day off mid week!
– Looking forward to the break in the middle of the week.
– I never realized how much I miss my good dentist in Michigan.
– At least we found an awesome ophthalmologist.
– KU graduate nonetheless.
– I did not set an alarm for this morning and still woke up in time.
– I went to bed kind of late too.
– I am still concerned that we might have to pay for the nice weather.
– I love being able to feel the sun on my face in the morning.
– I have not listened to podcasts in a couple of weeks.
– I guess it is time to start my podcast with DeGuia then.
– Thanks to him I am reading The Game of Thrones.
– So far so good.
– The Hunger Games movies comes out in March.
– My little niece wants to see it.
– It is interesting that she is old enough to enjoy things I like.
– She had no clue who Madonna was.
– We got into an e-mail war over Lady Gaga > Madonna.
– Madonna is def the chicken with Lady Gaga being the egg.
– Per DeGuia, Lil Kim is the chicken, Nicky (Manige?) is the egg.
– The older I get the more I like some country pop music.
– Dam you DeGuia, I also love me some Rockabilly.
– Nuke and I agree that youth is wasted on the young.

Word Rambling

– I find it interesting that people see humor as one dimensional.
– Offensive is subjective and one size does not fit all.
– I am not a jerk, that is why I don’t try to offend people not because I worry about “readership.”
– To care about hits/followers/friends numbers when you don’t make money is silly.
– Brian has made some great comments on my religion post.
– I thought I know the line between honesty and personal.
– I am blessed by having people that challenge me to be a better person.
– I wish people would see that Travis and I have been friends since college and have inside jokes.
– I wish people would judge less and try to understand someones point of view.
– Smart people don’t try to say you are wrong, they try to make you see a point of view.
– Is the future of corporate America, do the job of as many people as possible to drive profitability?
– We killed Deathwing while I was drinking from his cup!
– Why is mainstream now thinking that electronic music is cool like its new?
– I have been working out in a very passive way with kettle bells.
– I might be upgrading to really pumping iron at the gym again.
– I wish I loved to run, but I hate it.
– I can take go up 7 floors now without being winded… the last 2 still a work in progress.
– I was so busy this week that 2 out of 3 days I did not get to fill my big water container.
– I think I am starting to get tired of the cafeteria food.
– I still enjoy their salads, the soups not so much.
– Colombian food is evil… too good.
– I have not played basketball in 4 maybe 5 years.
– I have not played soccer in almost as long.
– I have not looked for a martial arts dojo either.
– Read a short perspective from a Catholic on gay marriage, you might be surprised.
– Marriage is not what it used to be.
– I posted about race, but it was not the aspect of it I really wanted to discuss.
– It was more about marrying outside your race.
– After discussions with a couple of friends I think I need to let the subject stew a bit more.
– I am very lucky to have found my wife.
– I hope everyone that is married feels as luck as I do, it is a great feeling.
– I feel sad for the people that read that and think I am trying to minimize what they have or lack.
– Jealousy is something most don’t understand and therefore live with it constantly.
– Most problems in relationships are born out of jealousy.
– I sometimes wonder if social media is based on that, and not on connecting people.
– Do people really care that much about what other do or have?
– Do people really attempt to show others that their life is better?
– I guess I am even sadder for those people.
– I knew that we would pay for the good weather days we had, snow is coming!
– I want spring here already.
– I would like to start playing more chess, but I think I need a more physically active hobby.
– I hate cat litter.
– I think whoever came up with it is genius and making so much money.
– I think both of my cats would be easily trained to use the toilet.
– Having a cat poop in the same toilet as you still freaks me out.
– It would same money on litter though.
– I wonder if the hard part would be to teach them how to flush.
– I know that it is not part of the training, but one can dream.
– This year is going to be awesome, I have a feeling.

Continue Rambling

– I was going to post about race today.
– The post has been brewing for years even, but I read some cool stuff lately.
– However Brian posted on my religion post and I would like to see if anyone else has some thoughts.
– My wife believes I hate apostrophes.
– I don’t hate them, I am just trying to make up for all the wasted characters I typed while double spacing after periods.
– I do dislike granola bars.
– Not because of how they taste, but because I feel like I should brush after every bite.
– No it is not because I would mind being called granola breath.
– I do hate hippies.
– No you are not a hippie.
– Hippie to me is the alter ego I built of my best friend where he is everything that is wrong.
– It is almost like a third persona in the relationship… is it like a trinity?
– Yes I am being blasphemous… darn heathens!
– The Lint Lizard Frolics in the Savanna while bitching at everything in its path.
– Yes that is an inside joke.
– No I am not going to explain it.
– Yes, a comma would have been nice, but I am trying to annoy the grammar Nazis.
– Yes, that is you, and you too, but not your or you’re.
– I wonder if Tim Teabow is pissed that God loves Eli Manning more than him.
– I wonder if Tim Teabow is like a Ken doll and not anatomically correct.
– I am betting he is a robot made by the makers of Kyle XY.
– I know you hate yourself a little if you got my last reference.
– That is like 4 I’s in a row.
– My wife’s sanity was kidnapped by Pinterest.
– I am afraid to go rescue her because they might convert me to that cult.
– Actually, I think we should all join a cult at least once… just have to have an escape plan.
– I cannot believe that people actually read and like this way of posting.
– I need another creative outlet.
– Drawing supplies bought 8 years ago are still somewhere.
– I want to travel this year but don’t have much vacation.
– I want to go to KC, Puerto Rico, Sonoma County, Tampa Bay and InDiana.
– Yes I say IN Diana in conversation as well.
– I was never IN Diana.
– I am looking forward to posting about race.
– It will be controversial for some… funny to others… maybe not.
– I had an awesome birthday!
– If you search for birthday in the blog you can read some interesting stories.
– My Mom informed me that my love of meatloaf could be prenatal and caused by her.
– She was craving meatloaf the day before I was born.
– I LOVE MEATLOAF! MOM THE MEATLOAF!
– My first cartoon character was named Peppy.
– He might retire before he ever becomes famous.
– The next one might be name Clint the Fat Lizard or Clint the Fit Lizard.
– He has eyebrows.
– Partly to annoy my wife the biologist.
– Yes I love her!
– No you cannot see him yet, he is still being “born.”
– You might never see him.

Ramblings

– I might start a new post method to use when I don’t feel like really writing.
– We’ll call it ramblings.
– I have done it before on various forms.
– I like the name, Ramblings I think I will create a category.
– This weekend was sucky. My uncle’s ALS is progressing to the last stage.
– It scares the crap out of me to someday be in his shoes.
– The rest of the weekend was great, but the sadness did linger with me.
– I hate situations where there is nothing I can do.
– Bea and I will be looking for a house this year.
– Settling in Chicago is a big decision, makes me almost feel grownup.
– I still miss my Kansas City people… I also miss my California people.
– They should all move to Chicago and hate winter with me.
– I don’t think I will ever stop hating winter.
– If humans were meant to live in the winter weather we would have thick fur.
– I am reconnecting with the motorcycle community.
– 2012 will probably be the year that I get a bike again.
– It will probably not be a sportbike.
– I think Bea would have a heart attack if I actually got into a race track.
– We will be going to Colombia in a couple of Months.
– I still think about moving down there permanently.
– I would love to live in weather that was not as extreme as it is here.
– Also fresh fruit available all year around.
– No you cannot get fresh fruit in a supermarket, trust me.
– There are several varieties of mangoes and bananas that most people in the US have never tasted.
– I wish winter was over already.
– I have started to dislike raw onions in my salad.
– I mix two kinds of soup to break the monotony in the cafeteria.
– Most of the soups have way too much salt.
– Eating healthy is easier when bad food starts to taste like crap.
– Taco Hell for some reason still does not taste like crap.
– I think they put more of whatever addictive thing fast food has.
– Taco Hell is still a guilty pleasure some days.
– I never though I would not miss red meat.
– I still consume it from time to time, but I don’t crave it.
– I think I need to go to Fogo de Chao and maybe restart that addiction.
– I am surrounded by cyclical eaters.
– People that love something for a period and then want to eat something else.
– I can eat most food I like every day without getting sick of it.
– Except PB&J and Popcorn.
– Maybe I am a cyclical eater too, but I have a longer que time.
– I wonder of this is annoying someone.
– It makes me smile that someone might be annoyed by it and still reading this far down.
– I am having too much fun with this, but I think it should top soon.
– I am not writing all the comes to my mind.
– By the time I finish one, 3 different trains of thoughts have gone in 3 different directions.
– Spam e-mail seems to interrupt my train of thought the most.
– Spam is annoying, its almost like internet littering.
– We should have Spam cleaning crews.
– Apple and google should pay for them.
– As as service back to the internet community.
– Ok, enough for one day.