Confused friends

I am still laughing, I did not think that yesterday’s post was going to make so many people think it was about them.

I have a history with my close friends of being one of the people that they come to for venting. I do not have problem with any of that and I did not want to single out the person that the post was about… it was more of a general rant of sorts towards the people that love Drama.

The entry was sparked because I find one of my ex-online friends way too much of a Drama lover… while I know I am going against my better judgment here and posting (which would make that person feel important) I have to clarify. The post was only about one person and well, the argument we have been having has been outside of the blog world, at least from my side.

Online drama is pretty funny, because well, we are all a little self important if we have a blog. However, blogs are such a small part of who we are, at least for me and most of the people that I keep friendships with that blog. I know Daniel more from our conversations over the phone and chats than from his blog, Michael and I talk more via MySpace and on the phone than through our comments, I know Mike more from the times we went out for food than from his blog… etc, etc.

If you read my blog and have never met me, there is a lot more to know about me than what you might read here. If you know me and read my blog, you kind of get a different perspective on what you know. In the end only those close to me know what is really going on with my life and how much fun I have when I am not working (which has been tons lately, at least an hour every night besides the time in the office.) If you only read here, which at times I use as a venting tool, you would think I am freaking spastic. LOL

So, take the last post as a rant that I just had to get off my chest and not a do not come to me with your problems post! I still want to hear about your problems. 😉

Drop the bags

I went to Cancun for 7 days with only a backpack; I can pack quite a bit into just one bag. As much as I dislike carrying bags I dislike carrying emotional baggage. I seem to be a magnet for people that love to use profanity to get their views across. In forums and real life alike I seem to offend people by just telling them what I think. People have a hard time telling the difference between someone’s opinion and their reality. It seems that so many out there have gotten used to not hearing the truth from people, that as soon as someone talks they think argument instead of discussion.

For someone that dislikes drama as much as I do, I seem to be constantly be trapped in it. Maybe because of drama following me is that I have gotten to the point that I just laugh at people’s stupidity sometimes. Everyone has different priorities in their lives, and if I rank high enough on their lives for me to be such a source of discontent I feel very sorry for them. Please people move on already, I truly have more important things to do with my life and I hope you do too.

Baggage sucks, especially the emotional kind. I have tried to always be very open in my relationships with others. I don’t think that if you ever come in contact with me you would ever be left wondering what I thought about you. I guess I am one of those rare people who say what they mean and truly mean what they say. Experience has taught me that I need to really watch what I say to people, but I am still just as honest with my feelings as I have always been.

If you are a source of drama, you will be cut off from my life. Simple as that. Would you eat a cake after it has been sprinkled with cow manure? I certainly refuse to. Take your chill pill, talk to your shrink, take a break and let go of that baggage… no matter how hard you try I am not going to carry it. Now back to my tasty breakfast!

Exorcism!

I will be in the Windy City this weekend and I cannot wait! The only bad thing is that I do not get to see as many of my friends as I would like to. The main reason to head out there is a baby shower… I know it takes a real man to admit that I am heading there for a baby shower, but thankfully I will have someone to bring the present in for me. We are both looking forward to hanging out in the Windy City at least for the 3 days we are going to get to spend there. Besides the baby shower will be a semi-private party where my girlfriend and ex-wife(Gwen) are going to meet… I will let you guys know how that goes. If you are in Chicago, email me for the details on the party.

For those of you that are scratching their heads going… what? Here is a little cliff notes.

I was married for 4 years to Gwen, we got divorced in 2004 just as I started this blog. Gwen and I are still really good friends. She was actually one of the many friends that was there for me for what happened next. I dated someone for about a year an a half and we ended up getting married again. It ended pretty horribly after only a few months, but because of the nasty things that happened it is not something up for discussion. She truly became “She who must not be named”. Thankfully, because it was a very short marriage it was annulled and I have very much moved on.

I am now in love and very happy with someone else, however the last relationship left a black mark on my blog that I am cleaning now. So call this the exorcism of the blog. I used to blog about how great things were, but never about the bad things got. When the nasty stuff did spill over a couple of times it was more about airing out dirty laundry than really having a personal weblog. Believe it or not, even the blog was at times a source of disagreement. Even though this space was completely mine, it became somewhere where I felt I could not truly express myself anymore. I would not let that happen again, so I have decided to really not talk about that part of my life. Sometimes I am troubled by the fact that I do not feel comfortable talking about my love life here, so who knows, maybe this exorcism is what will let me post about how truly happy I am.

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Lo Que Pasó, Pasó…

Even though in English the play on words is not the same… what happened, happened! as in “it already passed” is a powerful statment. One of the most painful things in my life has been that a lot of people around me have not been able to see what they have until they lose it. At times I have felt like I am trapped in a bad psychological sci-fi thriller where I am the only one that can see reality and everyone else is still plugged to the machines. That can also mean that I am crazy and live in a alternate reality of my own… but thankfully I have found other people that are unplugged and have made me feel somewhat sane. At least as sane as they are.

Life is a beautiful thing that needs to be enjoyed. Living in the past is something that many people fall pray of, not realizing that by carrying the past, they clutter the present and don’t leave room for the future. The living in the future can be just as dangerous… wondering what will I do if this happened, how would I react if that happens… While planning is not a bad thing, we never know what tomorrow brings, enjoy the present already!

The past has the power to define who we are, but we still have that whole “free will” option. People think that fortune telling has no power, but wait until you hear something someone tells you in one of those sessions and a lot of times we make those things happen. I believe we can change who we become even with a dark past. Bad things happen to good people, but bad circumstances should not make bad people. Change is difficult but possible, and the fist step towards a clean future is to cut ties with the past.

I hate regret and try to avoid it… I was taught a hard lesson not too long ago and learned the meaning of the word regret for the first time. If I could go back in time, there is now something that I would take back… it does not matter how much I learned, it does not matter how much I grew because of the experiece, it does not matter how much I want to be positive about it… I want that time back… I learned about regret.

I wonder if having failed relationships makes you a better person in the end. I wonder how jaded you become, and how much that truly affects your ability to love. Learning about what to do and not to do in a relationship, does that require pain and heartbreak? Learning to trust your instincts, learning what trust is, learning who deserves trust; does that require your trust being broke? I wonder, is getting married to your highschool sweetheart better than dating a couple of satan’s daughters before you meet the woman of your dreams? Are we going to be able to appreciate the right person when they enter our lives? Do we take for granted our highschool sweet heart if that is only person we have only dated as adults? Is the question, “where have you been all my life” even valid?

Here I am, trying to drink my own koolaid and chocking on it. Maybe this is one of those lessons in life that teaches me about fear. I had feared regret and that is why I had avoided it so much; now I can say that I have experienced regret and can live with it. I can actually say that knowing about regret makes me a better person and lets me know what to do and not to do. It also teaches me not to take anyone for granted… including myself. You would think that a big regret will make you change who you are… in the end, at least for me, it solidified everything that I had believed. It all comes with the territory, being a positive cynic and all!

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