So much to write

So little time to edit and post. I have been writting a while over the past month, but not posted much. It seems like every single time that I sit to edit a post I end up either going in another direction or just making one paragraph a whole post on its own.

Summer is almost over and even though we did not travel around the country as much as I would liked, we die end up traveling internationally and that was awesome and well needed.

I have some extra help at work that is making things a lot easier, so hopefully I will be working less hours overall. It was getting crazy, and it will probably be crazy for a while with some big projects we are working on but I love a challenge.

I am hoping to finish up some posts this week and get back into a good posting routine now that the summer heat is leaving the fall start to set in. It seems writting with the cool weather and the leaves changing is a lot easier.

Hope you all had an awesome labor day weekend.

Selfish

“One of the greatest diseases is to be nobody to anybody.”
-Mother Teresa

I think that envy is one of the worst feelings in the world. I think selfishness and envy can feed of each other and corrupt people to their core.

Growing up I went to a private school. Even though my Dad had a good job and he could afford a good education for me, we did not have enough for me to compete on the ratrace that some of my other classmates used to partake on. I could not get the latest Reeboks or Levis, I had to wear knock offs that were often made fun of. Back then I used to hate that, but it taught me a lot of life lessons.

We are not what we wear, what we drive or how much money we have in the bank.

I consider myself a very giving person. I really don’t get too attached to personal possesions (*excluding the ones that have personal sentimental value like the gold necklace that my Mom gave to me.) I have been in sutations where I either had no money, or lost a lot of personal posessions. That also taught me that you don’t need things, and little by litte I understood the difference between the need and the want.

Being sucessful matters little if you don’t have anyone to celebrate that success with.

I constantly see how people are very attached to “things” to the point that they forget about the really important thing, which is people. The fact that we can share both accomplishments and things with others is what makes them really sweet. I will never understand a hermit. I believe that when we interact with other people with true freedom, envy never enters a relationship. We are then able to be truly happy for what others have or achieve.

The biggest lie that envy tells people is that they are above the person they feel jelous about.

Envy comes from feeling inferior to someone else… the problem with this starts when instead of feeling equat and trying to attain the same thing we desire, we start to look for flaws in that other person and try to put them bellow us. That is where I think people begin to give into selfishness. When you start feeling that inside of a community it creates issues, but more important, it messes with your inner peace. I guess I am a little crazy for thinking that strong relationships with other human beings is what makes me rich, rather than the money in the bank or the zip code I live in.

Mind Reader

One of my favorite coworkers is someone that I have only talked to a handful of times. This person is one of the most genuine I have met here and actually puts their defense down when they are having a conversation. They report to one of the managers that I took my management course with so it was funny when I bumped into them in the lunch room and they were talking about one of the projects I am working on. We had a small conversation and I moved on to consume my cafeteria food.

Today I saw that coworker in the elevator and I said, “Wow you have a lot in your mind.” Then she surprised the hell out of me by not trying to cover up her expression or totally put things our her mind to converse, she continued to be deep into thought and smiled. She smiled and said, “you are totally right, but there is always tons of things going on at the same time here. (pointing to her head)”

Non verbal communication and facial expressions are very easy for me to read. The people I know the best or interact with the most are the ones that I can read the best, and for the most part they hate it. From my wife not being able to hide that she is super worried about something or annoyed with me, from my Mom’s or sister’s faces when they have not told me about something.

I had a long conversation with a friend I have not talked to for 15 years. We went to high school together and he got kicked out of school a year before I left. We lost touch and we never really used to hang out at school. I was friends with him because his grandma live across the street from us, and I was good friends with one of his cousins. At school he hang out with another “clique” one of the members being one of my biggest bullies. The bully did come up during our conversation but it had been from him not really talking or wanting friendship with the dude anymore after some bad business ventures they had engaged on after college.

Being bullied in high school made me very introspective. There had to be something wrong with me for people to want to pick on me so much. I found many answers, but the common theme of why I was being picked on (and even what my friend told me) was age. I was younger and while they were worried about screwing the brains out of their girlfriends I was still excited just the thought of getting to second base. It actually was nothing that I could really help, but still the source of much of my torment.

My fascination with non verbal communication was also due to loving being around grown ups. I always wanted to see if I could hold a conversation with someone way smarter than I was. I also loved talking to my grandpa and hearing his stories. It made me more aware of all the facial expressions and adults became easier to read with time. I knew which ones were just humoring me and which ones were actually talking to me. I still experience that feeling with the people that make small talk instead of having real conversations, that is the way that adults that don’t care much about kids talk to them. I have always found that if you talk to kids like a person they react way better in most situations.

During college I was made aware of things that I said too much. “you know” was and still is one of my sentence completion quirks. Also when I first lived in Michigan I could not shut up about Chicago. I was and still am very unaware of what I say sometimes, despite the fact that I try to watch what I say. Others can recognize those patterns a lot easier than we can.

Going back to my coworker. The first time we actually it was right after our cars almost crashed in our way to the parking lot. I was making a left turn and she got freaked out possibly because she was not paying attention to the road. We parked our cars and I apologized for startling her and she said no biggie. It turned out that I actually had to do something for her group the week following. Later I found out who she reported to and I’ve had to have a couple of conversations since the. She is always very relaxed and does not put on her poker face mask when engaging in conversation. I don’t know many people like that.

O Canada!

This weekend I witnessed one of the most exciting hockey games of my life.  I don’t even know half of the rules, I still think of soccer when I hear offside, but I enjoyed the game a lot. Maybe because some of the best players on either side are Blackhawks and it makes me think, this might be the year? But it was just a display of playing hard every single minute of the match.

I wanted to watch the game with my wife who wanted Canada to win, of course, but I wanted the U.S.A. to go all the way. I think the match was played a little more aggressively by the American team, and Canada played a superb defense. It ended in overtime after Parisi scored a last minute goal that made a whole country wonder if they had just seen the gold escape them.

In very Hollywood fashion Crosby came back to be the hero for the nation by scoring in during sudden death leaving the Americans with silver, which is no small accomplishment.

I am happy for Canada. Crosby and company got it done! Congratulations!

Spring Clean Up

Most people clean up their clutter during the spring. I personally don’t like to acquire stuff at all. I am not a pack rat, but I have a hard time getting rid of stuff. Thank God for my wife!

We are making progress on getting ready to move. Even though packing its going slow we are getting rid of stuff. We are almost done with the office which needed to be de-cluttered long ago, but I just could not do it. With her help we got ride of about 4 big large garbage bags worth of crap that I had stashed away in closet and about 4 boxes full of junk. I still kept a lot of the cables that I know will be useful and are expensive, but gone are the badly manually crimped cat5 cables that I kept just because.

I still had 3.5 diskettes that have not been inside of a computer for over 10 years. Most of it was from my college days when Travis would spend all night downloading the latest game from some sever in England… lol remember that. And then 14 disks later we were all playing GTA. Also my unreal collection of Zip disks that probably had every single build and fan made map of quake. While it would have been fun to find out what was in all those disks I would have never done it… I know because I tried before and quickly gave up. There was nothing on those old disks that I really need.

I think with our book, dvd and video game addition Bea and I have enough stuff to haul around. Getting rid of some of the stuff that was being kept for “sentimental” value felt liberating. Since I moved out of my parents house this will be the first time truly downsizing to a smaller place, and I have to say that being forced to get rid of stuff that I truly don’t need feels a lot better than I could ever have expected.

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