- Logtar's Blog -

- Two ramblings back to back.
- Have to give the people what they want.
- Whitney Houston is dead.
- They are saying prescription pill + alcohol.
- But she could have also drowned in the hot-tub.
- So much talent lost in part to substance abuse.
- Being famous seems to not be for everyone.
- I am sadder about her death than Michale Jackson.
- In a way they died to the same thing, trying to numb the pain.
- I think we are all addicted to something in some degree.
- I am addicted to caffeine for sure.
- Not sure why but I always found Whitney way more talented than Celine.
- It could have been Titanic, that murdered Celine for me.
- NEEEEEEAAAR, FAAAAAR, Gah! make it stop.
- I have never seen the Body Guard.
- Maybe it is not a good idea to see it.
- I don’t want to end up “I will always love you.”

No relationship in life is perfect and most take tons of work. The people around me know how much of a pain in the ass I really am. I have the horrible habit of never closing cupboards and love making walls of empty cans next to my desk. I have more quirks that should be allowed and my wife still loves it.

The worst quirk of them all is that I think I am funny. I say stupid things all the time, dance to the end of every TV show closing credits, mock any male singer that sounds like he is trying too hard to cry with his voice. She laughs at all that crap and finds it endearing.

She has seen more of her share of sorrow in her life, losing her father and brothers is not something I wish on anyone. Still she put all that stuff behind and was by my side inside of the funeral home when I know it was extremely difficult for her to even be in the same room with a coffin.

She is beautiful, sweet and compassionate. She is way better with words than I am, but I a sure I could not spend a whole afternoon and still not able to finish describing all the cool things she is.

Today is her birthday, and even though we already started celebrating this weekend I wanted to write about it once again.

She recently posted a picture of an older couple walking hand in hand. I think what makes our relationship special is that I look forward to experiencing my life with her. I actually look forward to growing old with her.

Happy Birthday my Love I hope you have an awesome day and I am looking forward to a lifetime with you. At least I know someone will laugh at all my bad jokes.

Both Logtar.com and Betizuka.com are moving host! So, if you get to see this, it means the name servers have not updated yet… once it is moved, you will see some information on the awesome new host!

I used the line a “a child stuck in adulthood” as my blog tagline for quite some time. What many people never understood about it is that I had to do a lot of adult level decisions when I was very young. Not many 16 year old have to talk to a landlord about renting an apartment for their family.

I hated feeling like an adult back then, and even more so now. Before I hit 30 it was easy to just dismiss it as a joke and move on. I have never been able to related maturity with adulthood because of how many people older than me acting like children, and so many kids acting more responsible than they should be for their age.

Coming of age movies always interested me in many levels, also the cultural differences when determining what makes someone a grown up. That is until I recently started to realize that I am an adult. When the grown ups in my life start looking at me for answer, options, and comfort. It really sucks. I don’t want to be an adult.

I don’t think anyone in my family expected my Grandfather to pass away for another 10 year or so. He comes from a very resilient family. One of his older sisters still has a head of full hair and is still very active, probably with many years still to leave in front of her.

This past week was really rough for my whole family. Funerals are very expensive, and funeral homes can treat the process in a very aggressive way. I am not buying a car sir, I am trying to lay my loved one to rest.

The cost was almost 10K by the time it will all be said and done. Nobody had planned for it, because remember, he was going to be with us for at least 10 years.

Most people don’t even like to bring up that conversation at all. Even in the face of what is going on, some people won’t decide if they want to be buried in the ground or cremated. Yes, both of those options have dollar signs attached to them.

Our family was able to pull together and take care of the costs. We also had many generous friends pitch in. It does make me think about my future, mortality and the costs associated with it.

Nobody likes to think about it, but it is something we should all plan for.

On a side note, being in a hospital in the middle of the night with no cash is not a good idea… specially when the change machine had coins jammed inside it.

I’m not a Justin Beiber fan (XO Appearently is), but I don’t want to beat up the kid either. I find it interesting that he started on YouTube and that he may not end up as crazy as BSpears did. This post is about my own baby-making. If you follow the wife you know by now that we have started the fertility doctor process.

The first visit was one of the best experiences at a doctor I have ever had. The dude was friendly and maybe because it is kind of a business, we want what he is selling.

Kids have been kind of weird subject for me. I grew up around kids my whole life. I love the kids in my family, and I even have a high tolerance for them. They do drive me nuts when they are at potential of hurting themselves and parents kind of let them be… kind of like the whole, oh they will break their head and get up again, they are kids. I have no clue if I will be like that, or if I will be a total nut that will turn my future kid into a bubble girl or boy… who knows.

What we do know is that we are not going to let this process ruin our relationship or bankrupt us. We are aware of the monetary involvement and adoption is an awesome option. We are both open to it and want a chance at being parents either way.

I was a step-parent for a period of time, and let me tell you that it was an amazing experience. I will never forget the day that a teacher actually approached me and told me that thanks to my involvement the kid was better at school. Looking back, that was the only reason that I stayed in a bad relationship for so long… and the pain is mostly about disappointing a little guy more than anything else.

I was 50/50 with kids before that. I knew what the whole “I want a baby now craze” can do to a relationship. I also knew what a divorce, and before that an unhappy marriage can do to kids as well. I was almost ready to never have kids until I met Bea.

You see, Bea is not just the sweetest person in the world (if you meet her, you cannot disagree with me), but also the most nurturing. We started our relationship without the pressure or pretense that kids had to complete it, but that we would let time dictate things.

We are now at a place where we both feel that kids are something we need to get working on before we get any older. It was amazing to be given some hope, but in the end we knew that if that does not work, there are plenty of kids that would love to be adopted. Either way we are on our way to being parents. Be afraid world, be very afraid!