Being Single is OK!

That coming from someone that is currently married and has not been single for very much in his life sounds hypocritical, but a lot of the happiness that I have found in my relationship comes from that part. I am ok with being alone. I chose to be with my wife and share our life together.

I have written many love letters to my wife both public and private. The strands of our relationship include a lot of admiration for her, she is brave, she is extremely intelligent, eyes that I could stare at forever and smells wonderful… I wake her up in the middle of the night when I crawl into bed after gaming and love to just hug her. Yea, it would suck not to be able to do that, but before we were together I had to be ok with. I had to learn that when you live alone and have a big bed, picking a side sucks so sleeping in the middle is better.

I had to be ok with having a meal on my own, or learning to cook just for one. I had to learn to take care of my own clothes and rebuild my finances. I had to learn about independence both emotionally and in the real world. There is nothing wrong with being dependent in a relationship, but there is a certain power that comes from knowing that you are doing it as a choice and not because you feel you have to.

Dates like today make for great conversation. They are often hard for those without a significant other (or those that have lost one forever.) because the “ghost” limb effect is right there more than ever. I am not one to celebrate this or other “hallmark” holidays, but there is almost no choice. All around you there will be flowers, pink, red and cake.

So if you are single, call you friends, call your family and tell them that you love them. It is never a bad time to do so. Also, when you are single; remember you are not alone. Sometimes having good friends is more therapeutic than any other thing you can do.

Relationships are hard work, and even failed ones come with tons of lessons that will with time make your life better. So hang in there single people, eventually you will find someone that puts up with your bad jokes, your inability to put stuff away, your geekyness and love you for it.

Oh BTW, Bea got a new domain, she still will blog personal stuff in Betizuka.com, but her diabetes related stuff is now over at CrankyPancreas.com.

Whitney Rambling

- Two ramblings back to back.
- Have to give the people what they want.
- Whitney Houston is dead.
- They are saying prescription pill + alcohol.
- But she could have also drowned in the hot-tub.
- So much talent lost in part to substance abuse.
- Being famous seems to not be for everyone.
- I am sadder about her death than Michale Jackson.
- In a way they died to the same thing, trying to numb the pain.
- I think we are all addicted to something in some degree.
- I am addicted to caffeine for sure.
- Not sure why but I always found Whitney way more talented than Celine.
- It could have been Titanic, that murdered Celine for me.
- NEEEEEEAAAR, FAAAAAR, Gah! make it stop.
- I have never seen the Body Guard.
- Maybe it is not a good idea to see it.
- I don’t want to end up “I will always love you.”

Word Rambling

- I find it interesting that people see humor as one dimensional.
- Offensive is subjective and one size does not fit all.
- I am not a jerk, that is why I don’t try to offend people not because I worry about “readership.”
- To care about hits/followers/friends numbers when you don’t make money is silly.
- Brian has made some great comments on my religion post.
- I thought I know the line between honesty and personal.
- I am blessed by having people that challenge me to be a better person.
- I wish people would see that Travis and I have been friends since college and have inside jokes.
- I wish people would judge less and try to understand someones point of view.
- Smart people don’t try to say you are wrong, they try to make you see a point of view.
- Is the future of corporate America, do the job of as many people as possible to drive profitability?
- We killed Deathwing while I was drinking from his cup!
- Why is mainstream now thinking that electronic music is cool like its new?
- I have been working out in a very passive way with kettle bells.
- I might be upgrading to really pumping iron at the gym again.
- I wish I loved to run, but I hate it.
- I can take go up 7 floors now without being winded… the last 2 still a work in progress.
- I was so busy this week that 2 out of 3 days I did not get to fill my big water container.
- I think I am starting to get tired of the cafeteria food.
- I still enjoy their salads, the soups not so much.
- Colombian food is evil… too good.
- I have not played basketball in 4 maybe 5 years.
- I have not played soccer in almost as long.
- I have not looked for a martial arts dojo either.
- Read a short perspective from a Catholic on gay marriage, you might be surprised.
- Marriage is not what it used to be.
- I posted about race, but it was not the aspect of it I really wanted to discuss.
- It was more about marrying outside your race.
- After discussions with a couple of friends I think I need to let the subject stew a bit more.
- I am very lucky to have found my wife.
- I hope everyone that is married feels as luck as I do, it is a great feeling.
- I feel sad for the people that read that and think I am trying to minimize what they have or lack.
- Jealousy is something most don’t understand and therefore live with it constantly.
- Most problems in relationships are born out of jealousy.
- I sometimes wonder if social media is based on that, and not on connecting people.
- Do people really care that much about what other do or have?
- Do people really attempt to show others that their life is better?
- I guess I am even sadder for those people.
- I knew that we would pay for the good weather days we had, snow is coming!
- I want spring here already.
- I would like to start playing more chess, but I think I need a more physically active hobby.
- I hate cat litter.
- I think whoever came up with it is genius and making so much money.
- I think both of my cats would be easily trained to use the toilet.
- Having a cat poop in the same toilet as you still freaks me out.
- It would same money on litter though.
- I wonder if the hard part would be to teach them how to flush.
- I know that it is not part of the training, but one can dream.
- This year is going to be awesome, I have a feeling.

I talk to the cleaning lady

Obama
I am Colombian, I am also Latino. I don’t get offended if I am called Latin or Spanish and most of the time don’t feel a need to correct people. I do get a little offended when someone tries to call me Juan or if someone insist that I speak Mexican. That is not because I mind being identified as a Mexican, its more my anger towards the stupid perception that if you are any shade of brown you must have been born a Jose or Juan. As Latinos we do face a lot of ignorance, but a little known fact is that even inside our “ethnic” group there is still a lot of division.

The first Latino social group that I was introduced to in high school was predominantly Mexican, and I was not readily accepted. Coming from a middle class background from “tropical” country put me in an interesting position. I could not relate to an immigrant that came from a very small farming village. I also could not relate to the kids of Mexican descent that grew up here.

I was lucky, I made friends with a Puerto Rican kid that kinda looked like me but was double my size. That provided both protection from the gangs and also entry to his social group. Smaller than most, but still a safe heaven for me. I fit in, but my Latino identity really did not have a shape. In some ways it still does not. I am a Colombian by birth and Latino by label of this country.

I love talking to people, and if their only means of communication is Spanish (or they like to default to it) I use it. I know some people are threatened by the use of another language around them, but I can assure you that most of the time the conversation is not about you. I am sure it is an American thing since for example in Europe there are often times different languages spoken inside a single country.

Spanish is a lot more accepted now and a lot of people now even try to speak it even if its not in their background. Even though I think most people should be learning Portuguese, Spanish is not as scary as it might have been before. I know the people from my family from the previous generation put a high emphasis on the importance of speaking English with no, or as little accent as possible. I know professionally it has been the same thing, if someone detects an accent they seem to associate it with intelligence.

Its bizarre to me how someone that is speaking two languages can be looked down upon by someone that knows only one… but it happens over and over.

There was a feeling inside of me that I could not explain and then I read this article.

Most everyone that I spoke with had had the experience of having complete strangers casually ask them, “What are you?” Another question I have never been asked. Although I had lived most of my life acutely aware of what I felt were disadvantages assigned to my dark skin–especially growing up in New Orleans–it wasn’t until I began having these conversations that I came to realize some of the privileges my dark skin carries; the most profound of which is its ability to clearly communicate my racial identity, not only to other people, but to other black people.

I am light skinned. Yes I am a Latino and other Latinos can recognize me easily and maybe even pick out my country of origin, but overall I am considered very light for a “brown” person. In fact, many Latinos have in the past completely ignored my ethnicity and went onto believing that I was white. My wife experiences similar things since she is even more fair skinned than I can.

Unless you are very close with a group of black people you don’t get to learn about “light skin.” I have had conversations with my black friends about it, and learned quite a bit from one of Malcom Gladwell books and his mixed background. I am personally a collection of races, from very Caucasian blue eyed blondes to up in the mountain native Americans. No like seriously, one of my ancestors was from a small village in the mountains.

It is really a challenge to establish a racial identity in this country when you never really had to belong to a race growing up. I still to some extent consider myself Colombian first, American second and Latino third. Sometimes though it feels like I should put Latino first. I just don’t know how to do that.

I have experienced reverse racism quite a bit. From someone looking at me like I was on the wrong side of the counter at an expensive restaurant, to someone telling me that I was too “white” because of the way I spoke English. Its hard to identify yourself with something that wants to already reject you for who you are. I don’t pretend to be anything, I am who I am.

Still I identify myself with my ethnicity and get annoyed when someone asks for chips and salsa in a Cuban restaurant… If you did not know, Chips and Salsa is a Tex-Mex thing, its not even Mexican… neither are burritos.

I am an American Latino though, I can dance Salsa, Cumbia, Merengue, Bachata and Quebradita. I eat Mofongo, Pupusas, Mole and Ropa Vieja. I can tell you the difference between tamales, empanadas, and arepas and how you probably only had one kind. I do want to learn more about being Latino in the US and get a different perspective on that… I still think mine is too narrow at times.

I make every attempt at connecting with other Latinos at work in all levels of the company. I make it a point to talk to the cleaning lady, in Spanish. I don’t mind if someone is listening to me ask for my salad “sin cebolla.” It might not be much of an identity but I want other Latinos to know that I do speak the language fluently and don’t care what floor I work on, I am still one of them.

Continue Rambling

- I was going to post about race today.
- The post has been brewing for years even, but I read some cool stuff lately.
- However Brian posted on my religion post and I would like to see if anyone else has some thoughts.
- My wife believes I hate apostrophes.
- I don’t hate them, I am just trying to make up for all the wasted characters I typed while double spacing after periods.
- I do dislike granola bars.
- Not because of how they taste, but because I feel like I should brush after every bite.
- No it is not because I would mind being called granola breath.
- I do hate hippies.
- No you are not a hippie.
- Hippie to me is the alter ego I built of my best friend where he is everything that is wrong.
- It is almost like a third persona in the relationship… is it like a trinity?
- Yes I am being blasphemous… darn heathens!
- The Lint Lizard Frolics in the Savanna while bitching at everything in its path.
- Yes that is an inside joke.
- No I am not going to explain it.
- Yes, a comma would have been nice, but I am trying to annoy the grammar Nazis.
- Yes, that is you, and you too, but not your or you’re.
- I wonder if Tim Teabow is pissed that God loves Eli Manning more than him.
- I wonder if Tim Teabow is like a Ken doll and not anatomically correct.
- I am betting he is a robot made by the makers of Kyle XY.
- I know you hate yourself a little if you got my last reference.
- That is like 4 I’s in a row.
- My wife’s sanity was kidnapped by Pinterest.
- I am afraid to go rescue her because they might convert me to that cult.
- Actually, I think we should all join a cult at least once… just have to have an escape plan.
- I cannot believe that people actually read and like this way of posting.
- I need another creative outlet.
- Drawing supplies bought 8 years ago are still somewhere.
- I want to travel this year but don’t have much vacation.
- I want to go to KC, Puerto Rico, Sonoma County, Tampa Bay and InDiana.
- Yes I say IN Diana in conversation as well.
- I was never IN Diana.
- I am looking forward to posting about race.
- It will be controversial for some… funny to others… maybe not.
- I had an awesome birthday!
- If you search for birthday in the blog you can read some interesting stories.
- My Mom informed me that my love of meatloaf could be prenatal and caused by her.
- She was craving meatloaf the day before I was born.
- I LOVE MEATLOAF! MOM THE MEATLOAF!
- My first cartoon character was named Peppy.
- He might retire before he ever becomes famous.
- The next one might be name Clint the Fat Lizard or Clint the Fit Lizard.
- He has eyebrows.
- Partly to annoy my wife the biologist.
- Yes I love her!
- No you cannot see him yet, he is still being “born.”
- You might never see him.

Go to top