Prepared to die

We spend a lot of time in our lives getting ready for events. Expectations are always high before a big date on the calendar, a trip, a graduation even a birth. Not many know the day they are going to leave this earth, and the thought of knowing has always made me a little unease. Would it be cool to put your affairs in order and say goodbye, or would it be better to just go out with a big bang.

Today we lost another person close to us. This time was the nurse’s family. Her Aunt passed away quietly after she had her last breakfast and did a little craft work in the nursing home she had been residing in. She was a person that was always felt. In one way or another her opinions were strong and she made sure they were heard. She liked me for whatever reason she had, she did not know me very well, but she said I was a keeper.

I don’t know how to deal with the feelings and emotions of death. I spent a lot of time with my uncle before he passed. I made the decision to not fly back for the funeral because I did happen to be by his side the day he lost his life. I have always felt that putting someone in the ground is not something that should be as ceremonious as it is. Sure it is cool to see a military funeral if you never experienced it, but a funeral is just not somewhere you look forward to being.

I say that I want a happy funeral, remembering the good times and playing many of the silly dance songs I love. If I happen to outlive my friends I would want them to remember the good times and not be sad at the fact that I am gone.

Religion spends lots of time preparing us to die. The promise of heaven sounds very good on paper. To most the fact that we could see loved ones that passed away before us is also enticing. I don’t know how prepared I am to die because in all reality I love life. I love my life right now and I want to live it.

I am tired of putting my grandparent’s generation to rest, I can only dread the time when it is my parent’s generation that will be the ones taking the turn. Death is something that we don’t really know now to handle well. I know how to say I’m sorry for your loss and give condolences, but the relationship with that person is really more than the flesh is what will be missed the most.

A lot of what I have seen recently with death is that it seems to bring to the surface feelings good and bad and sometimes amplify them. Not to get to sappy about the whole thing, but I do think it is important to tell those you love just how you feel about them, often, all the time really. While our elderly passing on is not sudden or a surprise it still hurts and leaves a void.

I really hope there are no more funerals in my future.

One Response to Prepared to die

  1. So sorry to hear that GB’s aunt passed away. Death is really hard to deal with; we just don’t have to handle it everyday. Instead of having a funeral, have a memorial and leave your body out of it. But obviously, it’s hard for those you’ve left behind to be happy you’ve left. Grieving together helps people deal with their feelings of loss. Just know that everyone’s days are numbered, so make the most of them. Hugs to you and your family.

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