Female to Male no Communication

I guess I will start with a disclaimer. What I say might come off as sexist, stupid or just plain wrong; but this is simply a brain dump from a couple of conversations and situations I have been dealing with lately. While some of it might also be related to my relationship with my wife, it is actually like 3 situations lately (from different couples) that has lead me to post this. I am hoping this is helpful to someone… and not just infuriating to the females that read this post.

The joke goes, there was a guy that figured out what women wanted… so what happened to him? He died laughing.

All joking aside, I have often said the following about women.

“Women want you to know what they want; not guess, but know. They will not tell you what they want because the moment they tell you, they don’t want it anymore.”

That sounds foreign to any male that reads it. Most of us don’t get that. We are almost not capable or rationalizing how someone can expect something without it being communicated. The female counterpart sees it completely different, they think their behavior, past experiences, Hollywood cheesy moves and “knowing” them should have made their wants completely clear to us, we are just too dumb to pick up on the “hints.”

I used to go crazy over that. I really did. It made no sense to me. So how do you fit a square peg into a round hole?

It turns out that most of the time it is delivery. How you deal with the situation might eventually make you seem pro at the game of life.

Women don’t necessarily want us to be able to forecast their every need… well at least the sensible ones. They want us to be able and willing to do those things out of our own accord and not because they asked us for them.

The first step is to discover how your significant other receives love. Is it gifts, is it words, is it physical affection, is it displays of compassion? What makes you endearing to them. Then do that often and not because you know they like it but because you enjoy doing it.

Let’s take getting flowers. If your woman loves flowers, enjoy the process. Get her flowers that mean something to her, or surprise her by getting her something in a color she likes. Maybe a flower that reminds her of a past trip or a past dinner. Maybe a flower that has an additional meaning or a little story. Being romantic is really not that complicated, just show some interest in the process and not just concentrate on the result.

The male is simple, we want food and sex. For the female it is way different. It goes beyond the physical fact that foreplay might prepare that area for action.

Sex to a woman is the cherry on top the ice cream, the ice cream is the dinner, or the phone call early in the day saying “Hey let’s get it on tonight.” To a guy, sex is the ice cream, the main event. We could give two craps about the cherry most of the time.

Finding that middle ground makes relationships a sundae or a banana split, LOL. Not making the effort in a relationship makes every time feel like you are eating McD’s soft serve.

I am not an expert, but I do think it is important to communicate. And well, this brain dump is what has helped me the most. I hope some of this helps others too navigate the weird dance that relationships can be.

9 Responses to Female to Male no Communication

  1. I started reading then skipped the middle and ended with your last sentence and while it’s not offensive (at all) it brings to mind how any female/male being interacts (human or not) and the dance is sometimes what is the deciding factor. It’s not about us not wanting it anymore once they’ve guessed or done it…it’s because the task is complete. Why do we still want it if you already gave it to us?

    Above all, this is where you actually nail it. You get it: “The first step is to discover how your significant other receives love…” This goes with any gender. Males are tricky humans as well you can’t love everyone of them the same. Communication is key, it’s not a guessing game. If you aren’t open and honest about your needs/wants then you cannot blame anyone but yourself if those needs aren’t met.

  2. I would argue that we are not that complicated. Keep us feed and screwed and we are all good.

    Obviously the post has many generalizations for the sake of argument, but the consensus in my experience in past relationships is that not many women are clear about what they want. Some I would go as far as to say they don’t know what they want.

    Its the whole guessing game that most people get stuck on. I think that one is highly destructive and will be writing about it soon :)

  3. I laughed twice while reading this. Favorite line: We could give two craps about the cherry most of the time. I think your analogy is spot-on, and I hadn’t considered it that way until you said it. Sex for guys is pretty big, and for most women, sex is great but means so much more to us if we have the emotional stuff that goes with it. And for that connection, there should be communication. Nice post.

  4. Interesting post. I also really appreciate Itchickie and Melinda responding with a woman’s point of view.

    Each relationship of meaning we have in our life, whether intimate or not, has its own set of communication skills. Nobody can possibly have ALL those skills, but it’s important to try and have some of the basics.

  5. True, not every woman/man/animal is the same, once we truly listen and communicate our needs and ask others for theirs I think that things should run smoother. I am not afraid to explain EXACTLY what I need and I merit myself with never asking anything from another without knowing I could do the same and would do the same in return. I believe in fairness. If I can’t do my part in a relationship then I deserve to be questioned and negotiated with for an overhaul and vice versa. Bitching does no good. You really have to just say I need this: or I would like this: Women who expect men to know – truly aren’t women, they are girls still finding their seasoning.

  6. That sounds good on paper, but girls deal with a different kind of hormones than we do. Sometimes those hormones make it so that they don’t know what they want but they want something (most of the time chocolate is the answer, lol)

    Testosterone is a bitch to deal with too. We are constantly wanting some, we think about it all the time. Its just freaking biology.

    I used to think on those terms too ITchickie, with fairness and equality. One day I realized that it is ok to change your mind sometimes and be flexible. Also allow for the other person to change their mind. It keep things interesting, as long as there is communication and mutual understanding.

  7. I should have been born a man. I hate chocolate and always want some (not chocolate). *shrug* I was born of a different mold than anything you speak of. Probably why I am single and remain an enigma.

    Good luck to you dear! :D

  8. LoL, my wife say that because she gets along better with guys than with other girls… but I think is a maturity thing like you pointed out as well. I dislike chocolate too.

    It took me a long time to find the right person though, and well my divorce was really a learning experience. Finding love was awesome, this post was not about me persay, it was more about some of my ideas on things.

    I am sure my wife will eventually chime in and she can tell you that we don’t have any issues communicating, in any way ;)

  9. Believe me, I think about this every day. I’m a woman, but I do think it’s really stupid for us to pretend men read our minds. Thank you for making me communicate with you! <3

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