If you think that the power of knowing what people really think about you would be an awesome one, think again. Most people that you meet never tell you how they really feel. Some people don’t want to know how you really feel either. Some don’t know how to express their feelings, some just simply don’t want to, some are just kites left the winds of change and whatever is popular or accepted by their current group to follow is what they do.
A recent conversation with someone was really eye opening for me. I personally try to get to know people before judging them, and if at all possible I try to converse about things before making assumptions. If you have ever ran a bulletin board you might be familiar with the concept of backrooms, a place where the moderators talk about issues that is only seen by them. Sometimes there are conversations about a person you are bringing into the moderator group, and you “clean up” those post if that person makes it in.
What happens when someone does not clean up those conversations before you get a new moderator in? Lets call it over-sharing.
I won’t go into the mess that it can create. It is at best amusing at worst hurtful, but through the situation I got to learn something that had someone calling me naive. Funny enough this was not the first time that I had seen similar situations both online and in real life. I have been in a motorcycle message board for years as part of the backroom and also seen situations when others find out what is said behind their back about them.
One thing about me is that I do like being a happy person all the time. It might not be sustainable forever or in every situation but I sure as heck try. The thing about it is that one of the things that it entails is thinking the best of people and try not to become jaded. I don’t expect for people to psychoanalyze each other without conversation first, and when it does happen that you try to figure someone out or come to a conclusion about them, I think it is important to discuss it with that person. The issue arises (at least in my experience) when the person that you talk about is not part of the conversation.
Granted when you are choosing a new moderator that person is not part of the conversation, but then the conversation should be cleaned up, burned or whatever. People online seem to have a persona, what they put out there, but it is often quite different from who the person really is. It is worse when the conversation might make insinuate that someone has no depth to them.
I guess I am in the minority once more when I think that you can only get to really know people through conversation and that assumptions about them are best checked well, with them. I guess it is naive of me to want to get to know people before I assume I know them, but it seems to be common practice. I am not sure if this is purely cultural or not. I guess this society grows up putting people in the jock, chess geeks, cheerleader and outcast groups.
So are you a person that gets to know people and check your assumptions with them? or do you draw conclusions based on first impressions or the “group” you think they fall under. Its weird that it sounds exhausting to people to get to know others, I think that is the fun of human interaction. Every person is a world and there is lots to learn about them. I guess I am as naive when I did know for a fact that the biggest issue with not having cleaned up a backroom was to left evidence of assuming someone is one dimensional.