One of my friends is now divorced, some time has gone by and only a handful of very smart individuals can put the situation together with the person. He is not what I would call a close friend, but I have spent time in his house and knew his wife to be a good, hard working person. That was the image I got from my friend and it is what I remember about her. I never had a true conversation with her. I also had no clue that they were having marital problems… I don’t think many of us from that group of friends did.
Before it all went down I did notice several changes in his attitude, it was not just bad, it was almost mischievous. He was constantly poking some of the people in the group to start drama and seemed to always be looking for an argument. It got to the point that I talked with some of the people in the group about an intervention, but they told me that they had tried over the past couple of year and nothing seemed to work. I kind of let the situation be, and slowly distanced myself. Then BAM!, they were getting a divorce.
“Hindsight is 20/20″… that stupid quote is both true and annoying. I knew that there were money issues, but the now glaring beacon on the whole thing is the pr0n. I don’t dislike pr0n and have had my own collection at times, but in my experience its a cheap replacement for actual fun with your partner. If you partner and you enjoy it together, awesome… if its an escape once in a while, cool… if you spend more time with the digital version and only get analog with yourself, there is a problem.
Those are only signs of the distress behind the scenes, that now I wish I would have been able to identify… not to save a marriage (which can only be saved by the couple’s commitment to stay together) but at least to be there for him as a friend when it was going down the slide. I know he is happy now and building a new life, I don’t know much about her.
The thing that I find interesting is how the lack of control in the situation created so much frustration. The fact that it was handled by just trying to make others miserable seems to be pretty common. It has to be pretty hard not to be able to talk your emotions out loud with someone, or maybe even understand them. Situations where we feel out of control are probably the worst, because we look to regain control in places that probably don’t matter instead of facing the real situation and solving the real problems.
I am a firm believe that people that love to create drama hate their lives. When you are content with your situation, there is no reason for you to be poking others unless you are simply starved for attention. So be careful and try to recognize that when someone seems to just trying to be pissing everyone off, they might just be crying for help… they might just not know how.