Hit Coffee is one of my favorite blogs because of how many subject it covers, even though will can at times very private, he is also very introspective in his writing. Posts there have inspired me quite a bit, and recently he was written a lot about dating and being a geek. It got me thinking about attraction and intelligence.
Intellect is a catch all term that covers a lot of different aspects of thinking, reasoning and even the capability of learning. It is a topic that most people don’t like to talk about because most see it as a rating, like IQ, when in reality you can be smart about a lot of things and different things. I value intelligent conversation in relationships, but also think being able to laugh at a stupid joke just as important. Common sense and street smarts are also things to value and would make a person interesting in my eyes.
What separates us from animals is our mind. We all have instincts to be enticed by simply the visual and the physical aspect of looking at an “attractive” person. What floats my boat might set yours on fire. When around guys I am just as capable of being a pig as any other, but when it comes to relationships and love I have always placed intellect higher than just looks. Chemistry has to be there first, attraction has to be there, but the other side of the relationships has to be interesting or I personally will move on.
I have talked to many smart woman in my life and most of them at one point or another have suppressed their smarts so they can actually date. Many have told me that they let the guy feel smarter simply because relationships seem to end very quickly if the guy realizes that they are more educated or money savvy. When watching transformers there was more drool than popcorn on the floor, but would she be just as hot if she was not “smoking hot” and still able to wrench a car?
I am personally not intimidated by a smart woman, in fact I find my wife to be smarter than me in many subjects. She is way more educated than I am, has read a lot more and dominates 3 languages. I love those things as much as I love looking at her beautiful eyes. I could have never dated Jessica Simpson, even if her “ditsiness” is all a a front, and I am not that attracted to blonds anyway. I get the swimsuit edition of Sports illustrated and enjoy looking at beautiful woman, but I find their life story or personality to be more interesting.
Beauty wears off, intellect keeps on being build. We are all getting older every day and when it comes to a long lasting relationship the important thing is to find each other’s jokes funny and conversations engaging. Attraction and sex are very important but we spend more time interacting with one another in a relationship than awake under the sheets. When looking for a mate you truly want an intellectual partner or the relationship will face issues.
I have always been surprised by couples that call the other person “dumb” behind their backs. My first assumption is that there is some type of insecurity or control issue going on, but I have never gotten very deep down that road because I find people like that not very interesting to being with. I would love to hear your thoughts on this topic, and if you don’t feel comfortable posting your name, go ahead and use Anon. Have you dated (or married) someone less intelligent than you in every way? Do you currently dumb yourself down for your partner?