Ham Not Welcome
I want to begin this post like every single good post begins with, a disclaimer. I don’t have to worry about where my next meal is coming from, or if I can afford groceries. I am very thankful and aware of how lucky I am for that. I am also in no way being ungrateful for the holiday gift that I received that is compiled in this post. This post is for entertainment purposes only and even though it is true, details have been left out to protect the innocent.
When we lived in Kansas City, besides our cats, it was just Bea and I. None of our animals eat table scraps, so Bea and I were the sole consumers of food in the house. For the holidays, someone higher up in the company where I used to work was nice enough to send us a Honey Baked Ham as a holiday gift. It was a nice token of appreciation.
The problem is that it’s just Bea and I, and we had a close to 20lb ham. I remember Bea saying, isn’t that a little big? I said, well, we’ll make sandwiches.
We knew there was a package coming because we were asked if someone would be home to sign for a it. We said yes and it arrived. I did not get to say hello to our new family member until I got home and it started taking up half of the fridge on that lovely day. The honey made it smell wonderful, the glaze was crispy and delicious. Bea had never seen a spiral one before and I said no fear this is cool, took a couple of big pieces of Ham for dinner. I think we even got fancy and made side dishes. It was a glorious moment.
Ham Sandwiches are AWESOME
I even had ham for breakfast, it was so good. I came home for lunch and had a nice ham sandwich and planned on even having it for dinner. The thought of possible gout did not even cross my mind.
Even though we had been eating ham for two days, we were not making a dent on that monster. It was laughing at our consumption levels. Our attitude was, hey it won’t go bad for a while.
We decided to just not eat ham for a couple of days. We figured that we were just working on the big side of the thing, that as the with got smaller we would do better progress.
What’s for Dinner
Mustard. Yes, that’s right. If you put enough mustard on ham it will not taste like ham. I am also coming to the realization that bees are evil and their honey is just some weird serum that tastes nasty.
We can chop the ham and make it into other food. We can make all types of potato salads and other good tasty dishes. We won’t taste the ham! It won’t be bad. Oh yes it will, I can still taste that darn honey.
We are going to have a party! If enough people come, we should be able to get rid of it all. Bea found the perfect recipe to make these little tasty sandwiches that tasted delicious to everyone, but we could barely stomach because of their ham content.
Even after hosting a party for over 10 people we still had almost half of the darn ham. Would it be bad if we just dump pounds worth of meat? None of our friends want to take any home. We don’t have family here to have another sandwich party.
The ham mocks us. It laughs at us every time we open the fridge. I think even the milk tastes like honey ham for being stuck in there with the monstrosity. We wish it could be donated. We cannot possibly just dump it, can we?
Bea did not want to witness it, I did not want to do it, but we had to let it go. There was still a considerable amount of ham left, but the honey ham smell was almost repulsive to us now. I took the final piece and dumped it. It was gone, to never return again. So if you ever want to give us something eatable for X-mas, cookies, pop corn are cool. NEVER HAM!