Reason, Season or Lifetime
I wrote a post about poetry that I have not posted yet. I actually enjoy writing poetry even though I personally don’t think I am all that good at it. The first time I read a poem about friendship and the words reason, season or lifetime; I thought it was famous and well known. Later some google research showed me that it is actually something that has been used by many people in different ways and I truly have never again found the poem that I originally read. I have found some very long ones, but the one I read was short and sweet… I wish I would have memorized it. I will never forget what it actually meant to me. I’ll do my best to capture the essence of the poem.
Some friends come into your life for a reason, they come into your life and teach you a lesson but they exit your life in such a way that the lesson is learned and they seldom cross your path again.
Some friends come into your life for a season, they make your life better, but time or death leave you only with the great memories you shared.
Some friends come into your life a lifetime, they make your soul dance of joy every time you see each other and even through distance you stay close. Those are the ones you should cherish and hold very close to your heart.
I grew up thinking that most relationships were experiences that lasted a lifetime. I was rudely awakened when my best friend growing up died in a horrible car accident a year after I moved to the U.S. She was one of two people that ever wrote me while I was new here. Back in 1994 there was no internet everywhere and an international phone call was not something I could do all the time. Another post that I have written but never posted is one titled, my best friend was a girl. It is painful to even begin to think of the loss because when she died, a lot of my innocence died with her. I have no doubt we would have been friends for a lifetime.
When I encountered the poem I was still not completely aware that relationships could end as abruptly as some of them have ended for me. I thought that once you called someone a friend or a lover those people would never go away from your life. Even when relationships had ended I had amicable relationships with many people in my past. Then divorce comes through and taught me the lesson that some friendships were just there for a season. You learn, you live, you move on. Hard to swallow, but simple to understand.
The poem made sense to me back then, but I had not fully grasped what it really meant knowing someone for a reason. Sure, while you are with someone for a season you learn lessons, also a friend for a lifetime will make you a better person. I really did not understand the concept of having someone change you, but at the same time make you realize that they don’t need to be a part of your life, in fact some of them are toxic enough to be only approached with a radioactive suit on.
Enter Voldemort. I don’t talk about one of the worst experiences of my life very often here. I always believe that people should not be trashed online without the ability to defend themselves. What I will say about that relationship though is that it is the first time the reason part of the poem clicked. I learned so much about myself during that period of time in my life that I will never be the same person. One of the most important lessons is that you have to really evaluate what people bring into your life, and if it is at all cancerous you need to remove it before it takes hold in your life. Life is short.
Wait though, this is not a sad story…
Finding my life partner was not an easy feat. I went from thinking that relationships were a constant struggle to defeat many demons to finding that those demons are cute little bunnies that are fun to cook together. She will probably disagree with the animal slaughter part, but that is what is great, we disagree on many subjects and still love each other more every day. The kicker is that what unite us is so strong, the reasons that make us laugh so many, the inside jokes so numerous that I think I have laughed harder and more in the years I have been with Bea than the rest of my whole life combined.
Second is that this past week I received news for my best friend’s Mother and siblings and they are all doing well. I have not seen pictures of them in years and it was nice to see them and also the faces of the people that died in that car crash of the survivors. My best friend’s Mom happens to be one of my Mom’s best friends.
The third part is that I now have expanded my circle of friends (or gang as Average Jane calls it) so much it almost feels like a big family, even with little dysfunctions here and there, but overall it has enhanced our life quite a bit.
Last but not least is that I used to think I had no best friends anymore, and that the only way to have one was to grow up with one… it was sad to think that my best friend had died in a car crash… but then this year my best out of town friends visited me; Travis, Mike and Daniel bring happiness to my life, and the only regret is that we don’t live in the same town to see each other more often. Then here locally its Mark who is the little brother I never knew I wanted; lol. Nuke who every time someone says I am a nice person I want to finish the sentence with, well that is because you don’t know Nuke, lol… and last but not least is my most recent BFF, John who this past weekend sentenced me as his best friend and told me I cannot move back to Colombia, ever. I don’t know if to be happy or scared because this dude can actually crush my skull. A lot to get off my chest, thanks for reading!