He is just not that into you
While this could be a movie review, its not going to be. I will quickly tell you that the movie is pretty good even though it is mostly from a very female perspective of things. The acting was as great as the ensemble cast, and it seems like (I never read the book) they did a good job interweaving several stories that were independent short ones in the book. A pretty great date movie if you ask me.
Bea and I talked a lot during this movie. We have both been in bad relationships and have learned lots from them. I don’t consider myself a relationship expert because I know what to do in a relationship, however, I do think I am above average in that department because I have learned what not to do.
I am a very frank person. As I get older I see how the world as a whole does not work on direct communication but rather lots of “spare feelings” and “political correctness.” Why is telling the truth such a hard thing? Why is over analyzing a situation or trying to guess what someone is thinking the norm?
Human beings are very complex, even the people that claim to be simple people. Motives are not always nefarious, and good intentions can have adverse consequences. I personally used to fall prey of thinking everything that happened around me had something to do with me, or take too many things personal. I still take a lot of pride on my work and relationships, but have learned that if someone’s issues or unhappiness are in some way caused by me, they will let me know. At least I expect them to tell me.
When it comes to relationships between couples a lot of this issues societies have with truth are amplified. I know couples that don’t talk about intimacy at all, even if there are issues. Money, religion, morals are all conversations that people should have while dating, but a lot of people wait until they are emotionally invested before finding out what someone thinks before they claim to “love” this person in that level.
One of my favorite conversations to have with people and I think everyone that plans to get married should have with their significant other is, “if you won the lottery right now, what would you do?”
People’s answers vary, some people want to be very self indulgent and travel (count me in), other want to pay off the debt of everyone around them (I’m right there too), some say charity because it is the right thing (I believe in good causes, but this one for me is more about involvement than money), most would help their family and friends. While this is not the ultimate gauge for anything, it does give you an idea of what the person would do… it would also tell you if they have completely opposite views on money than you. How your finances are handled plays a huge role in your relationship, and trust me when I say that if you don’t see eye to eye there will be issues.
It still surprises me that so many people never say what they really mean, but rather what they think the other person wants to hear. It makes having relationships that much harder and I think without any real reason for it. The movie makes it seem a little like woman are more at fault for creating alternate realities where the guys are just clueless drones that need to be figured out, but when a man does not communicate their intentions or feelings there is a lot of room for interpretation. So mean what you say, and say it often, specially if it is that you love those around you like it should be!
Have an excellent week everyone!