I have helped a couple that was on their way to divorce make the right decision for them, which was to stay together. I also supported the divorce of another friend as a smart move, even though it was painful to see one of the first couples that I even witnessed joining matrimony.
In the past month 3 long term relationships have ended around me, two of them with over 15 years of history and both of them with kids. You would think that someone that has been divorced before and who’s parents also divorced would be used to it, but even today it pains me to hear about it.
One of the many problems in our society today, or maybe even the biggest problem, is that relationships are disposable. Being part of a community does not have the same feel it did before, being part of a friendship feels temporary to so many, being part of a marriage to some is just a matter of numbers, half are going to end up divorced.
Divorce is a horrible thing to go through, I don’t recommend it. Nobody sets out to marry the wrong person, but many of us do. I think it has a lot to do with maturity in many levels. Nobody under the age of twenty five should get married in my opinion. I have seen that most people experience a lot of changes in world view during their early twenties and it can wreck havoc on relationships crafted before that. There is nothing wrong with marrying your high school sweetheart, just make sure that you both don’t wake up when you are in your forties wondering why you are so unhappy with the life you thought would be perfect.
I believe that divorce is the answer only when abuse of any kind is involved. A lot of the other problems in marriages can be solved if both parties are willing to work at it. I believe in counseling to find answers, and have seen that most problems with marriages come from bad communication. We all have wants and needs and being able to convey those to the person that is going to spend the rest of our lives with us is critical.
If you are a friend or a reader that is going through some tough marital times, don’t be afraid to send me an e-mail. Even if I don’t have the answer, and in most cases I don’t, I do know of a lot of resources that might help mend a relationship.
I am going to deviate from what I do most of the time and get a little personal… not sure if this will apply to others or not, but what gave me a clue that I had found true love is the following.
In every single relationship I’ve had before I would always wonder if I could put up with, behavior A, attitude B. Ever since I have been with my wife, that thought has not entered my mind. I am convinced that we can face anything together, but most importantly is we BOTH want to do it. Neither of us is unrealistic to think it is perfect, and we went into it not thinking it would be forever (since we both had experienced it before) but wanting it to be forever. I want to grow old with this woman and that is a wonderful feeling.