Expert Advice

I listened this morning to the news on my way out to work. It was only a couple of minutes but I heard the presenter introduce Bobby Flay as the expert that would help people how to do better when proposing marriage. A study, said the presenter lady, suggest that most woman are disappointed by the way their husband proposed to them.

I would be more interested to see the study that links that to divorce, but I digress. Who cares about how a guy proposes besides maybe the bride? I now see that step in a relationship more logically and think it should be a decision made by both and not a surprise… I remember somewhat being pressured to propose on my first marriage, and we all now know it did not work out. That was not the part that really bothered me about the report.

I have come to realize little by little that the news is starting to annoy me. The angles they do on their stories are always so far off from what really interest me its pathetic. Maybe it is because I read blogs for a lot of my news and information now and the commentary and angles are more interesting than what CBS, NBC or FOX think that the American public want to hear. This brings us back to the issue, how is Bobby Flay an expert on how to propose to your future wife?

I know who he is, I have watched him in the food network mostly in the Iron Chef. He has always stroke me as a little too cocky and a know it all. That could just be his TV persona, or maybe it is just the whole Chefs seem to be egotistical bastages because of how they act on TV. Then I thought maybe he has seen many people propose in his restaurant, but then it still does not make him an expert.

I think what made it even worse was the idiotic nature of his first statement that suggested most people want to be told “yes.” Or maybe it was the expert statement that covered the whole world population, some people go all out and some don’t… I stopped listening there because I knew the “you want to be right in between” statement was coming.

What makes him a expert on the subject of proposing? that is the question that still lingers in my head. I could see a jeweler maybe knowing more than him, because he is actually the person that gets to hear the stories of proposal before they happen. I could see maybe someone that did something really outrageous and was turned down… but a cook?

Just being famous does not make you an expert in my eyes, but more and more people with fame get to have a voice. I think that is the real danger of the celebrity culture, that maybe we are getting information from sources that are not very reliable. Be careful of where you get your expert advice, and next time you see one on TV, ask yourself if the person talking should really be considered an expert on the subject.

Sexual Desire

I started writing about sex because of how many of my friends were experiencing a difficult time in their relationship. I never expected to reach more people with it, nor did I expect that a greater percentage of my friends than the ones that had talked to me had been having problems with sex. I don’t claim to be a sex expert, but I do claim to be having a healthy marriage with a healthy sex life. I also know what bad sex is like and what it can do to a relationship.

I was the most surprised when the Sex Workers Outreach Project linked my bad sex post. I then exchanged e-mails with Amanda Brooks who used to be an escort and is now a writer. She said that there were not many man writing about sex the way I was. Then she wrote the following.

One double-standard you almost touched on: it’s okay for a woman to use sex as a weapon in a relationship but not okay for man to have sexual desires – even if he doesn’t act on them. Would love to see your thoughts on that.

This weekend while watching a movie with some of our friends who are a couple, the wife mentioned that her husband’s father used to be a Playboy subscriber. She said that she would not be ok with her husband getting the magazine every month because she knows what the magazine is used for, implying masturbation.

I believe that a man that has sex withheld from him by either his parter or religion is going to find an outlet for it. I know many man use pornography as a outlet for their sexual desires, but this can lead down the road of addiction. Personally exotic dancing does not excite me because I logically know that any attention I am given there is directly related to the money the woman thinks she is going to make, but I think this also can become an addiction if the only positive female attention you get is by paying. I have very limited knowledge on escort services or prostitution but one of my friends has paid for sex before. His experience was positive to the point that he has used them again, but I also believe that it creates a false sense of what sex is supposed to be for a relationship.

Christians think masturbation is a sin because of lust being a sin, however I have not seen a one eyed Christian in a long time. The last sentence being a reference to the following piece of scripture often referenced

Matt 5:28-29 (NIV) [Jesus:] “But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell.”

I find that so many people pick and chose what is law from the bible and what is to be updated with the times. Based on this scripture I think many Christian man should be walking around with patches. I personally do not believe that way and have never thought of the bible as a literal book. So what is a man to do that is not getting sex from his wife and his religion is telling him that he should not masturbate?

The reality is that eventually a wet dream will occur just because of physiological reasons. I don’t know if with age the production of semen will decrease making it harder to have a wet dream like it happens while we are in our teens, but I do think that man do end up masturbating and then feeling guilty about it.

Masturbation can be used in a very positive way. Like sex it releases stress and can help the minute man become a 30 minute man. Masturbation is something that can be done together and not stigmatized.

Even in a healthy relationship I think that sexual desire should not be seen as a bad thing. I think that humans have to be stimulated and as woman like to be given flowers and held after sex, man like to also feel desired and admire the female form. Like anything else anything can become an addiction so if porn or masturbation become more important than intimacy with your partner there is a cause of concern. Just never enter the vicious cycle of withholding sex and then making your partner feel guilty when he resorts to masturbation as a way to release tension. (pun intended).

Heath Ledger Dies at 28

Actor Heath Ledger was found dead today in his apartment in NYC and it seems to have been drug related. He had recently split from Michelle Williams. He plays the Joker in the upcoming Batman Movie.

Daniel just told me about this happening and it made me feel really sad. I don’t remember being this sad when Chris Farley died under also the suspicion of drug overdose. I was living in Chicago at the time and felt almost detached from the whole thing. It was not until the whole documentary about his life came out that I felt a little more connected to the story.

I first remember Ledger from 10 things I hate about you where he played kind of a loner that steals the hearth of the chick that wants nothing to do with boys because of a broken heart. The Movie was a great mixture of a love story and a teen movie without making you want to puke.

Ledger moved on to being in the Patriot which I thought was a good role, and then did the quirky A knights tale which was ok. I had not seen another one of his movies and I am not interested on broke back mountain, but I was very excited to see him as the Joker in the previews for the new movie.

I am sad that his life ended so short because I found him to be a good actor. I am sad for his little daughter that will grow up without knowing a father. I am also sad to lose another great actor to drugs, but it seems like it is not an uncommon thing. Rest in Peace.

Next, What a mess

buy at Amazon.com

I just finished reading Next by Michael Crichton. He is one of my favorite authors, but this book really left a lot to be desired. While I do have to say that I read the book pretty fast and I wanted to keep going, I think it was mostly to see if he could untangle the mess he had created.

The first issue I encountered is that I could not keep the characters straight. Initially I thought it was because he was introducing to many, then later I realized that, while all of the mini stories were connected, they did not flow. I ended up not caring for any character in particular, there was no real hero, no real victim, no real redemption, no main story.

The book tries to bring genetics to the forefront of our mind, but it does so in a very disjointed way. I don’t feel like he was thinking of the reader when he wrote the book, or at least not the average reader. One of the things I have always loved about Crichton is that he makes science seem easy, but in this book we feel very removed from he actual science, catching only glimpses of it. If genetics was to be the main character of the book, it was an elusive character that never quite came to the forefront of the story.

I blame Google for the spastic nature of the book. Imagine someone doing a search on Google about genetics and then trying to fit every link that came back in the first page into a book.

I do not recommend this book, but if you want to read Crichton start with Timeline or Airframe; both are way better written. I am sad to say that this book ended up being an spaghetti bowl that I expected to find meatballs inside of, I searched and searched and in the end I ended up with a bunch of noodles that filled me up, but I did not really enjoy.

Annoying habits

Since I am becoming part of a new crowd, the KC bloggers, Melinda and of my favorite librarians tagged me so I must comply to the peer pressure…

The Rules:
a. list seven habits/quirks/facts about yourself
b. tag seven people to do the same
c. do not tag the person who tagged you or say that you tag “whoever wants to do it”

I don’t remember the last time I did one of the quirk ones, but I figure I will mix it up with habits… I am running low on facts.

1. I read in the bathroom, yes, I think of the throne as a library seat.
2. I get my wife a stuffed animal during business trip, we got quite a zoo now.
3. Even though I am claustrophobic, elevators do not bother me.
4. I like fettuccine with Alfredo sauce and Italian sausage.
5. I do not like to shave.
6. I like having toys at my desk at work.
7. I have to take my watch off when I am typing.

So, I tag everyone that reads this and has not done it… yes it is a lazy post, but I am tired.

Go to top