I have been on a funk for a couple of weeks. My last real (out of the country) true vacation was probably 8 years ago to Cancun. I had other trips in between, but they were either a week that was too busy or went to fast, or a long weekend where the “on call” button was pressed.
I have issues with stopping my brain sometimes. I keep on thinking and thinking about things, and if I catch a bad train, it seems to just take me to the land called the funk.
My grandfather passing away is one of the hardest things I had to go through. I cannot even imagine how hard it is to lose a parent or a sibling. My wife and some of my friends have experienced this and I cannot imagine doubling, let alone multiplying the pain I feel for that loss. Losing loved ones scares me, my Mom being sick recently scares me… but she herself told me that we must enjoy the time we have together and not think of the what ifs.
I don’t want to waste my time here on earth. I also don’t want to not enjoy it by over thinking everything.
Yesterday I realized how lucky I am. I have been learning a lot from my wife on how to deal with situations. She has many good things to say about her father and how he dealt with what life sent his way. That helps. In fact, it helps a lot. Also knowing that she has gone through some difficult losses in her life and she is still able to smile gives me strength. She is a good listener and has the ability to process information that sometimes comes out of me all jumbled and still make me feel understood.
A conversation with my friends at lunch yesterday, one with my Mom, another one with my sister and then with my wife really broke me out of the funk. I was able to get off the wrong train, that as one of my friends put it made me all “Emo.” I saw how lucky I am to have people that care so much about me. I might have lost the greatest cheerleader of my life when my grandpa passed away, but that does not mean that I still don’t have a team of them behind me.