Wrong place to converse

I dislike public bathrooms. I think they are filthy, and no matter how many studies tell me that the door handles actually have more germs, I still would feel better if I had a bottle of lysol every time I had to sit on one of them.

As males, we can pee standing up which is a total perk to holding the man card. However, there is a negative there. Most urinals are positioned either way to close or without dividers. I have no interest on glancing at someone else’s junk or them checking mine. I have enough with Chimpotle already commenting on my Prince Albert.

So as you guys heard, the company I work for has new digs. I will put more pictures when I actually get some stuff on the walls. It is the first time I officially have my own office with a window. The first week has already made all the back pain from moving totally worth it.

There is a huge drawback between this building and the one we used to work out of… we have to share a bathroom with the whole floor.

At the old building we had 3 bathrooms. There was two public ones with stalls, and one that was a private unisex. The stalls were ample and since we there was only about 15 people at the office, there were tons of chances for privacy.

At the new building we have on public bathroom and the urinals are so close that if there were no dividers you would probably be shoulder to shoulder with the guy next to you. Granted, I have taken a leak at ballgames where there is just a communal urinal and everyone just kind of looks up. The second drawback to this bathroom is that the people are dirty. I can completely blame the other tenants because at our last place the bathroom was pretty clean.

The above are things that I can completely ignore for now and eventually get used to. However, I have been attacked by a bathroom chatter twice now. It bothers me a little that we are in a piss schedule already, maybe he is a coffee drinker also… but twice now I have started to let my stream go and lo and behold the stall invader shows up.

The first conversation was permissible. Hey, are you from the guys that just moved in or from the other tenant? I am guessing that on the other half of the floor that we did not monopolize there are going to be 3 different companies. I responded in as many monosyllables as I could and figured the next time I saw the guy would be in the elevator or a hallway.

No such luck. The very next day the same guy starts another conversation with me. I am not pee shy, I can continue my business while the guy is trying to establish acquaintance status with me, but I am starting just get a little uncomfortable. I could use one of the private stalls, but I feel that the urinals have to be used if they are available.

I am seriously dreading my third encounter with the bathroom conversationalist. Anyone have a message for him? any idea of what can give him the subtle hint that I do not like to get to know other guys while manning the fire hose?

17 comments on “Wrong place to converse

  1. I hate that too. I always mumble in response in order not to encourage the talker. But what takes the case are is cell phone conversation while sitting on the crapper. That should warrant major ass-kicking.

  2. Man Law: You should never strike up a conversation with another dude at a urinal unless there has been eye contact or you know said dude beforehand.

  3. I always get a laugh out of guys – women never do this – who head toward the restrooms at work carrying newspapers.

  4. Yeah cell phones are the worst. I always got to the sit-n-shit, and make LOUD noises for the listening pleasure of whoever they are conversing with.

    Sitting brings up another point tho. When I first got my Prince Albert, they said I might have to sit to piss for a while, as controlling the second whole was difficult at first.

  5. Next time he starts up a conversation, keep your stream going and then turn to face him directly, pissing all over his shoes.

    He’ll never want to talk to you again.

  6. “Prince Albert” lalalalalalalalal don’t need that visual!

    Tell him “Nice junk”. I bet he will never go to the bathroom at the same time as you.

  7. Very funny…can imagine your discomfort. My suggestion: Wear your ipod…or maybe even just the earbuds…then you can act like you don’t hear the dude. What a goob for wanting to talk while your doing business.

    Also…since Friday’s Feast is vacating, I left a comment over there with a feast of my own. Play along if you’d like!

  8. Or just yell “WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING TO ME WHILE I’M HOLDING MY COCK?” in his face. I suspect that would straighten things out in a hurry.

  9. I’d start going to the bathroom on the floor below yours. Just ditch the guy altogther.

    Or just turn and go, “Shhhhhh…” when he starts talking. Seriously, unless you want to be friends with this guy, why worry about what his reaction will be? Tell him to STFU and move on.

  10. I was in the airport mens room another day, and saw this guy at a urinal saying “Oh. Oh yeah? Wow, that’s amazing!” I was like WTF until I noticed one of those wireless cell headsets sticking out of his ear.

    There should be a clear rule: go in, do your business, and leave.

  11. Where I used to work, I would dread it if my boss came into the bathroom at the same time. Not only was he a bathroom talker, but he often liked to joke while he was in there. I would be washing my hands and all of a sudden he’d let one go and yell out, “that still works”!! Seriously, you’d expect more from your boss!

  12. Emaw beat me to the piss on the shoe trick.

    Just pat him on the back as you walk away and he is still going. Contact during urination should break him of any desire to talk to you anymore. That, or you’ll have found a new buddy to make subs with.

  13. Wow. I was about to scream ‘earmuffs’ when you said “manning the firehose”. lol. I would just politely tell him that you would rather continue this conversation while you’re not urinating.

  14. One of the perks of being a woman is that we don’t talk to each other, esp. if we don’t know each other. It’s okay if you’re friends and you continue your conversation when you first go into your respective stalls, but then it stops to do your business (though we also have doors and dividers). If it were me, I’d drink a little less or more to get on a different pee schedule:)

    Ted says to pee in the stall.

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