Unhealthy Love

Some people grow up in situations that change their outlook on life. If you grow up seeing a behavior you are likely to repeat it or at least consider it normal. If your family always communicated with sarcasm, you are likely to use it to communicate also. If your siblings had a tendency of starting yelling matches to get a point across, it is likely you are also going to consider that a normal way of expressing your feelings. On the other side of the spectrum if you never experienced physical affection from your family, you are likely to not be used to someone hugging you or touching you.

So what is considered normal? When should the line be drawn between healthy and unhealthy love?

I think it is fundamental to a good relationship to find out how your partner receives affection. Some people feel good when someone else remembers a special date or detail that you two shared. Some enjoy that public display of affection that shows everyone that you are with them. Some enjoy someone that would listen and some someone that can talk. In the end I think everyone requires love in some form.

So what is the difference between tough love and abuse?

I have come to realize that very seldom do I have an answer that will work for everyone. It is even tougher when I realize that sometimes the answer I had for me needs to change. The good thing is that as humans we are adaptable and capable of change.

If your partner does not appreciate the sarcasm about the way they look, you need to stop it even if that is the way you saw your parents communicate. If you find yourself having arguments just like you saw growing up, it is also necessary to break that cycle because we should be able to say things without raising our voice. I know those are some of the things that work for me.

Also a simple way to make others feel loved is to smile. No matter what, try to smile. I know even when I am stressed or just tired and I try to smile, it makes me feel a little bit better.


It is actually kind of funny that someone might think there is trouble in paradise and think this has anything to do with the relationship with my wife. The funny part is that when I was in an unhealthy relationship I would never feel like I could post my thoughts here freely because anything that I would say would be used against me. I use this blog because it is cheaper than therapy.

My wife and I actually connect in many levels and can show each other love in many of the ways that Barry posted about in the comments. I actually have it a lot easier because my wife accepts love in every single way that that books lists (which btw Barry, I have heard about in the past.) So I am off to have some banana bread that my wife made this week, man is it good :)

Super Smash Bros. Brawl

So one of the most anticipated games for the Wii has come out! and in what a way. I saved all the gift cards that I got on my birthday to buy this game. I had put a copy on hold and picked it up! Bea is playing it right now and having tons of fun :) Best Buy actually got 50 Wii consoles today, but in less than 30 minutes they sold out. Other stores around the area got 100 of them and also sold out. We also had put money down on the second guitar for the Wii, and picked it up this weekend. Bea already Hello Kittyed up. I guess the Wii is going to have an amazing weekend when it comes to sales number. If you feel lucky enough to be able to beat me :) come and challenge me… here are all of our current friend codes. Leave yours in the comments.

buy at Amazon.com
Wii Code: 5819-2355-3304-5713
buy at Amazon.com
Super Smash Bros Brawl: 3050-7251-5160
buy at Amazon.com
Guitar Hero III: 5412-8125-4161

*** Update ***

Check out my review of the game over at BlogCritics. Nintendo Wii Review: Super Smash Bros. Brawl.

Fridays Feast 182

Ladies and Gentlemen! join us and do a Fridays Feast

If you could be any current celebrity for one whole week, who would you want to be?

None, I dislike celebrities overall… think that they are making our society dumber every single day… that said, I think that being as talented as Juanes and be able to serenade my wife would be kind of cool.

On a scale of 1-10 (with 10 being highest), how much do you enjoy talking on the phone?
0 – The phone and I do not get along. However, I do enjoy skype, or using a hands free headset… I like talking in person a lot better.

Name a charitable organization to which you have donated (or would like to).
I have donated to several, mostly Catholic charities of various sorts. I would like to donate to something that improves education.

Main Course
What is a food you like so much you could eat it every single day for a month?
I think Fried Rice… and the cool part is that after an hour I would be hungry again! However, with my new need to lose some pounds I should probably stop dreaming for greasy rice.

Have you or anyone in your family had the flu this year?
I think both my wife and I had it already… it was pretty bad for a couple of days but I still did not miss a full day of work, I did leave early one day.


“Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.”
Douglas Adams

“Experience is simply the name we give our mistakes.”
Oscar Wilde

I have posted about the topic of experience before. The catch 22 of employers need for experience, but reluctance to take the time to give someone the opportunity to acquire it, becomes more painful when the economy suffers and new graduates are trying to join the work force. I remember being extremely lucky when I graduated college in 1999; after Y2K it seemed like people had a hard time getting into the IT world because of people realizing that the world did not end… that and not long after the dot com bubble burst.

One of the lessons that I now call experience, is silence. I love knowledge and discussion, I read as much as I can and I love watching educational TV shows. I can probably comment on most topics, and when it comes to martial arts or computers you can hardly shut me up. I now know how annoying I must have been when I would have something to say about everything. I know that unless I have some deep knowledge of the subject, “I don’t know” is always a better answer.

Knowing enough to be dangerous is something I have found to be very true in my field. Practical knowledge cannot be replaced by knowing a book from cover to cover. The smartest programmers I have met seem to always forget the people that they are writing the software for. When you write software with yourself in mind, you become very frustrated when people do not do what you think they are supposed to do. Some of the worse cases I have seen get very upset with users for not using their software right. It seems these people don’t ever get past the sixteen year old mentality of “I am always right.”

Gathering experience is an expensive process for companies. Many people think that it is about just paying your dues when you enter a field, but it goes beyond that. Listening to your users, or just having them in mind when you code, is something you learn as you fail implementing a new feature. However some people might be in the field for years and never learn that simple lesson.

This is one of the lessons that I have seen most people refuse to learn or be told. Many programmers I have met dig their heels in the ground and refuse to make their application more user friendly. Some even go as far as considering their job done as soon they think something works and not waiting until the users have truly accepted things.

Do you have any examples of people not learning from experience, closing their eyes and refusing to learn?

Go away winter

I am a summer person, even though my favorite season is spring I also love the heat more than the cold. The snow is highly overrated for me since I do not do any winter sports. Driving on that mixture of dirt and frozen water is not what the postcards with fluffy powder snow lead you to believe.

It is depressing to have less sun and to see all the trees without leafs. It is also boring to me to have to wear a whole bunch of layers that get taken off as soon as you enter a building. I have had two snow ball fights in my life and they were not that much fun.

This past weekend we had a chance to visit the Arboretum around here and the weather was fantastic. The windows on the ride there and the cruising we did after were down. The sunlight refreshed our moods and the air hit our face telling us spring was coming.

I do not like to run on a treadmill but I do enjoy getting outside and going around the block a couple of times. I am looking forward for the weather to turn around and being over 60 consistently. By next week it seems like we are going to at least stay over 45 and the thought of no more snow makes me smile.