Going Straight to Hell

I can totally try to blame Chimpotle for this one, but in reality I have been racking up my hell points way before I met him. He would be proud to know that he has become a bad influence in my life. He just posted about two hilarious sites, and even though laughing at them should be enough to get me the one way ticket there, my brain had to once again take me to the place where the little devil in my shoulder lives.

The site is called Garfield minus Garfield and it is as simple as what it sounds like but it packs all kind of hilarity in that simpleness. Garfield has been one of my favorite cartoons my whole life, and John Arbuckle has always been such a secondary character that even Odie scores higher in my book. When I thought about it some more I figured that if it was not for Odie, Arbucle would be the male version of a cat lady. Still not hell worthy that I called a cartoon character what most people consider the lowest level of the social inadequacy meter. So what is it that I thought about and did that has such negative connotation?

Before I get into that I want to illustrate my previous low moment and reason that Chimpo is not the sole reason that I am going to hell. I was sitting inside the office at a company I worked at busy with writing computer code and accompanied by a couple of my coworkers. It was a small company and we did not really have a receptionist, so when the sales people would go to lunch, people would walk in and eventually be face to face with programmers. Yes we are almost like mythical creatures in companies that rarely get to see, and maybe due to good reasons. For the most part it would be people that ignored that no soliciting sign that ended up changing places like five places because my boss said that people did not see it.

So what pushed me over the edge on the highway abyss that time? A guy with a voice box. Even though I know that people that end up having a tracheotomy and are subjected to speaking via a voice box for the most part (at least the ones I have met, which surprisingly is up to like 3 now) have been people that caused harm to their own body because of smoking, I still think that laughing at them is wrong. He walked in asking for directions because his car had broken down, it was hard for all of us to keep straight faces because he sounded just like Ned from South Park. I held my breath for as long as I could and I was refusing to make eye contact with anyone else in the room. The guilt of making fun of someone with a disability was the motivation for not laughing at the moment, however I saw out of the corner of my eye that one of my coworkers was doing the same and turning purple. That made everything even funnier so I could not hold it anymore and started laughing along with the rest of the people in the room. The guy did get directions after we got our composure back and he was not offended, but it was still wrong. Funny, but wrong.

Something along those lines happened when I saw the Garfield site. I happen to know a 40 year old virgin, and as hard to believe the veracity of this claim, I would not want or know how to check to see if it was true. I know other people that also know this person, and his cat lady like reclusion. I could not resist the urge to not only laugh at joke, feel guilty for it, then laughing some more, but I had to share it with someone. I then proceeded to share the joke with some of our mutual friends, and while it is wrong to make fun of my acquaintance for being a real life John Arbuckle without Garfield, its freaking hilarious… I know, I know, I am going to hell.

7 comments on “Going Straight to Hell

  1. That’s it! No more hanging out with monkeys. I won’t risk my ticket to heaven because of you.

  2. Hey, you at least felt guilty about it.

    That means you should be salvageable.

    Just in case, you might wanna go play with some orphans or something!

  3. people with disabilities do not have their sense of humor impaired, I make fun of the paraplegic guy at work for always beating me to the elevator on the way home.

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