Friend or Foe

Whenever I meet someone that likes to be the center of attention, they become either friend or foe. I have to admit that when I was younger I might have tried to take the center of the attention and compete for it. I have moved on from that and do not feel like being the center of attention unless there is nobody else to take it.

The last time there was a struggle for being the center of attention it ended up being a very sad situation. I lost a friendship that I had poured a lot of effort into. Ever since I have been trying to evaluate situations and not try to ever steal the thunder from someone else, or burst any self created bubbles. People are very attached to their bubbles no matter how fragile they are. But this is not about the sad stories… this is actually about someone I thought was foe and became a friend.

I was not the most popular kid in high school, as a matter of fact I was quite unpopular. Funny thing about it is that even though a lot of the people that would pick on me thought that I did not get their sarcasm. Moving to a different country changed a lot of things and gave me the opportunity to catch up on age, one of the biggest factors on being picked on. Thanks to facebook I have reconnected with a lot of the people that I knew back then and I have started to see that there was a lot more people that I actually liked and got along with. The horrible memories I have from back then are actually just due to concentrating on the negative, there was actually more positive than negative.

During college I had a nemesis that a lot of people shared on disliking. I would challenge him every single time I could because of his knowitall attitude. He was very intelligent and capable but even teachers would get annoyed by his attitude. Funny thing was that we ended up in a very small class together, only 5 people. We went head to head every single day and the teacher was more of a referee than anything else. Towards the end of our college career we ended up having to see each other more because of a friend in common and I started to remember my days of being the outcast. I reached out and ended up making one of the best friends I have now. He is a very constant friend now that we are adults. I was at the hospital the day after he had his first kid and I was happy to hold his kid in my arms. He went from being a foe to being a great friend.

Being competitive has taken a toll on my relationships in the past and I am glad I am over trying to be better that anyone at anything. I still have fun being competitive playing video games or even board games, but professionally or in relationships it is just not worth it. It feels a lot better to build bridges and relationships than try to come out ahead.

If you liked this post, then try these…

Angry Black Cat is one of the new blogs I have been reading. It is the blog of an interracial couple that blogs on the same domain. The topics are mostly race related, but the writting is witty and fun. Another thing that I believe they have executed better than anyone else I have encoutered is the related post part… they call it If you liked this post, then try these…

I have posted related links in the past and even done some compilation posts, but this one seems to really grab you and keep you reading their stuff… so I am going to steal the frase and start putting the…

If you liked this post, then try these…

Another Year of Bloggin. Compîlation of some great post circa 2005.
Blog Roll Shout outs. My reads as of 8-2005.
A Blast From the Past. Good story, old versions of my web presence.

The Time Change SUCKS!

Yes, I admit it, after being a cynical about people that complain about the time change I have also began to not like it. This time it seems to be messing with my internal clock more than others.

I woke up with no problem yesterday, but still felt like something was off all day. I stay at work late most days because during the quiet time after everyone is gone, even just an hour of extra work seems very productive. Last night it seemed like I was staying way too late and it was not even past 5.

I hope my internal clock gets in sync again and it seems ironic that one of the bugs I had to fix yesterday was related to UTC time. Maybe it is the whole week later thing and my body was totally cool with the other change… who knows. It just does not seem natural anymore… stop the time changing already!

Guitar Hero III ROCKS!

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My wife secretly wanted to be a rockstar and when we saw guitar heroes this weekend she wanted to tell me to pick it up, but she held back her dreams of fronting the band until I actually brought it up. One of my buddies said he was going to get it and I expressed interest… then I mentioned it to my wife and she was like go pick it up. I did a 180 on Panther (yes my car has a name) and headed to the nearest Best Buy :)

If you have never seen Guitar Hero, picture a toy guitar that interfaces with your console almost like DDR. The notes come down a bar that resembles a guitar and you are supposed to match the color and time your strum. It is really that simple, the rest of the stuff you pick up as you play the tutorials. It is very rewarding to string together combos to your favorite songs.

I am not sure what kind of song list past versions had, but this one is impressive and I am not even 1% into the game. It seems to have a lot of extras for good replay value. I think what makes it a must have is the online play. You can battle against people online as well as link your Wii to your account and show off your stats.

If you need a reason to get a Wii, guitar hero is just one more :) the wii remote fits nicely into the wireless guitar and you are rocking in no time. The first couple of times I played it seem like the initial load was taking forever, but a full power off and power on of the wii took care of that problem. If you are going to get a wii for the holiday season I highly recommend you pick up this title!

Want to battle me? take the friend code from the sidebar and send me an e-mail with yours.

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Strong Relationships

I have dated outside my race, but more important, I have dated outside my culture. While I am not against dating inter racially I think it is important to date inside your own culture. When you grow up receiving love via the home cooked meals your Mom makes for you, or snuggling up to your Dad while you watch TV it is going to be very hard for you to live without someone that enjoys making home cooked meals or snuggles up to you while watching your favorite TV show.

One of the first conversations I had with my wife about our relationship was about what makes it strong. I actually first heard about the concept in martial arts from sifu Chung, my Kung Fu teacher. He was talking about training but then I applied the idea to relationships. Think of relationships as a rope full of little strands of thread. Everything you like about the other person or you share is a thread that strengthens the rope of that relationship. One thread alone can be easily snapped with little force, but the more threads your rope has the stronger it becomes.

The relationships I had in the past did not have many common threads. When one of the threads would give away and snap, there was not another one to help support it. If both people like movies, but eventually you are burned out from watching movies so much, then what other common things do you have? If your common thread is one type of music, what happens when you already listened to the same CD for the 20th time?

Relationships with people that share something culturally with you are more likely to be successful. If you are passionate about your religion, or are into geek or Internet culture you need to find someone that shares some of that culture with you. I think that if you grow up around people of a certain social class, you are going to have a different set of ethics than someone that grew up dirt poor.

So Pretty Woman is unrealistic?

I think so. While the people that I have been with in the past had lots in common with me we did not come from the same culture. Understanding being an immigrant is something that is hard to relate to unless you have lived it. Same with racism. Someone that has never experienced racism to the same degree you have cannot understand what it makes you feel.

For someone with a complete different culture to work out in a relationship with someone else, there is a level of give and take that has to take place for the people to come up with a new culture for that relationship. If one person tries to force the other into buying into their culture while losing theirs, it spells disaster.

Having the same background helps with threads that make relationships stronger. Relationships with people different than us take work, and if both people are not willing to build those threads the relationship just falls apart when the main thread is not there anymore. If you want a successful relationship with someone makes sure that you build threads along with the ones that brought you together in the first place.