Food Poisoned Before Thanksgiving

What are the chances that the day you are food poisoned is the day before thanksgiving and you spend turkey day sicker than a dog that just ate a pound of chocolate.

I have hosted a weight loss challenge about 4 times. While I do not like to make my blog about weight loss I feel that it is important to motivate those around me and more importantly me. I have struggled with losing weight for a long time and tried to explain it a million different ways but the reality is that I need to control my portions and watch what I eat. The reward meals that I give myself should not be so unhealthy that I undo the hard work of a whole week.

Candy and Melissa have been eager to start another challenge and I have been telling them that it is coming. This year I want to make it not so that after the holidays we start the yearly weight loss plan, but actually start it right after thanksgiving. So Monday we will start the new challenge with the initial weigh in and we are going to motivate each other into shedding some pounds during the remainder of the holiday season. If you are interested just go here.

I have given up junk food almost completely. I have only eaten junk food about 3 times in the past couple of months. Yesterday night was one of those days and you have no idea how much I regret it. I am sitting here on turkey day sick as a dog and I have only eaten some crackers and soda… forget the turkey.

The following is a complete assumption on my part, but I think my logic is about right. I am almost tempted to call the fast food place to complain because I think what they did was unacceptable.

Last night I was on my way back from seeing one of my buddies friends play a gig at a bar. My wife was tired and she did not want to go so I ended up just meeting a friend from work there. We stayed for a couple of sets and then headed home. I had a couple of beers in a two hour period and headed back home. As I start driving my wife asked me if I could pick up a burger and fries since we did not eat dinner, we had gone to the movies and had some theather food but we were actually kind of hungry. It was 10:40 and I was about 10 minutes from home, so I said no problem.

I pulled up at the fast food restaurant and they were turning the lights off. I asked if they were there and they took my order but I had the feeling that they had already began pre-closing. I have the feeling that they actually pulled the meat from a garbage can now, it is the only explanation for me being so sick from that burger. I did not see it happen, I don’t know for sure but I have a feeling that it is exactly what they did.

After today I don’t think I will be able to stomach a burger from a fast food joint for a long time. Laying in bed after having both ends trying to disintegrate me by expunging all the liquids inside my body I feel like crap. Everything hurts, I am running a fever, I am weak and I can think about is how important it is for me not to get this sick. My brain keeps on telling me that if I do not change my portion control I am going to gain more weight and get really sick, my liver already has some fat deposits that mess with it. So I am going to take this shitty day as a reminder that I am thankful to be alive and need to really consider what I put in my mouth.

Vegas: Chelsea Handler vs Jim Breuer

While at Vegas we got to see some excellent entertainment. However when we went to the comedy show part of the Vegas Comedy Festival I ended up with a bitter, sweet taste in my mouth. The first disappointments came when I could not get tickets to Eddie Izzard my favorite comedian. I had no clue the festival was going on until I arrived there, and well Eddie was one of the only people that actually sold out.

Chelsea Handler and Jim Breuer were billed together and the tickets were easy to come by. I have seen Chelsea’s show on TV and found it mildly amusing, Breuer I remember mostly from Half Baked and SNL and was somewhat excited to see up close. I had been walking all day on the strip and the show was at midnight. I needed to be entertained or I was probably going to doze off into the night.

Breuer came out and killed. I now know him a little better and wish I had satellite radio to hear his show. I got to learn from him that he loves his family and is devoted to them. His sense of humor was not just right on, he really worked the audience. His stand up was fresh and I only wish he did more of it. I really look forward to more of his material and if it was not for him I would have been totally disappointed about them whole experience.

Chelsea Handler I actually feel sorry for. I have never seen someone with a TV show actually not do their homework. She not only used old jokes, Asians are bad drivers for example, she actually bombed completely on a couple of her wannabe shocking racist jokes. It would have felt a little better if it was boos that people did but it was more of a collective ouch… that was a stupid joke.

She opened up her act by bringing out her little person friend that was a worse plant than the fake palm tress inside of the hotel. The she moved onto making everyone uncomfortable with her masturbation joke that went on for 20 minutes too long. Then her self deprecating I am a whore jokes somewhat made people laugh until she went for race.

Racist jokes are not as funny as some people might think. Pointing out the obvious jokes mixed with race can sometimes not be as offensives as just stupid old stereotype ones. Well she went for every single stereotype she could think of, and never put a new twist on any of them. I can only think that maybe she was completely unprepared and showed up to Vegas just to gamble and get laid. I will pass on her comedy from now on and look forward to listening to Breuer when I get the chance.

At Vegas I learned…

The following are some of the things I bring back from Vegas as far as knowledge goes…

* Bring some comfortable shoes.
* You are going to walk no matter what.
* Expensive restaurant have no clue at handling parties bigger than 6.
* You can get mugged right on the strip.
* People are dumb enough to smoke a water bong on the strip and then get caught by police.
* Sleep is hard to come by in Vegas.
* Do not get tickets to shows before you get there unless they are brand new, you can get them for way cheaper there.
* Not all Cirque Du Soleil are created equal.
* You have to see Cirque Du Soleil live, it is a must do thing in life.
* The locals are way nicer than the people that move there for some quick money.
* Vegas is trying to capture the Spring Break vibe… or vice versa?
* Gambling can be fun when done in moderation.
* Getting drinks while playing at a table is a lot easier than when playing slots.
* There are sharks at even the cheap poker tables.
* Do not shop at any of the malls inside of the casinos, they are a rip off.
* Even if you went to sleep at 5 A.M. your body will still wake you up by 8 A.M. because it is already 10 A.M. back home.
* Hotels off the strip are not that bad at all.
* The more wiling you are to look for a good deal, the less you will pay.
* Cab drivers will take you for a longer ride even when you know where you are going.
* Some cab drivers are actually nice people that are not trying to milk an extra dollar from you, tip them well.
* If you to to a hotel for a meal, check for deals that are included with a show or attraction.
* For a free pretzel go to MGM and watch a preview of a new TV show, after rating it your only free gift is a pretzel.
* It is fun to rate a show nobody has seen yet.
* Farmer wants a wife might be a new TV show.
* Limos to and from the airport are not too expensive when you slip them with other people and very convenient.
* I am the lightest looking 270 lb guy in NV, I got a free teddy bear for my wife thanks to my fat ass… the guesser was 20 off.
* Do not go to Vegas for a vacation, you will need one after you come back.

Vegas recap

I spent 5 days over at Sin City, my wife joined me for the last 3 days and we had a blast. I have tons to post about but no time to really do it justice just yet. We saw some awesome shows, some others not so good, stayed in pretty nice places and overall had an exhausting time. Thinking of going back soon for sure :)