Not Scared of Being a Man

I would like to first clarify that I believe that men and women have equal right and opportunity. Mentally I find them both at the same level when it comes to capability for comprehension and learning. I however believe in certain differences that make one superior to the other in some situations. However, that is something many people are afraid to think and even more to say so.

I am so glad that I married a woman that knows a lot more than me in many subjects, she is way more talented than I am in science, and can even give me a run for my money in many others. Intelligence is defined in Webster’s dictionary as “the ability to learn or understand, or to deal with new or trying situations.” She is also a very intelligent woman, and does not feel like she is less than me when she takes care of me by cooking a meal or having my clothes ready. She has a way higher earning potential than I do with her Biology degree, and could be telling me that she does not need to do any of these housewife duties. But instead she is proud of being able to do them for me. She enjoys it and does not feel less; in fact she is very against the idea that a career woman is more successful in life than a housewife.

Having her by my side has enabled me to not be scared of being a man. I take charge in many situations and she does not mind. She lets me wear the pants in the house because she knows that every step I take is to make our lives better. In turn I value her opinion and will many times take her word on some subjects even over my own. We come to agreements using true compromise and deal with most things with laughter. She has no problem making me feel like a man, and I in return give her the respect every lady deserves.

Since women started joining the workforce the dynamics in a household began to change. Now man is expected to share chores that they were not only not trained to do but even made to look as demeaning or “women” jobs. While I think those tasks should never be looked at that way, like the whole “boys don’t cry” mantra many people grew up with those ideas. I believe that chores in a household where both people work, should be separated by a list where both people get to pick. like picking kids at school… and that last chore gets to be a compromise. I do not believe that all responsibilities should be divided along gender lines but more about what the couple like. I personally don’t mind laundry, vacuuming or cooking but hate picking up after myself and dusting. I don’t think performing tasks around the house makes me less of a man but it was something that society and the way I grew up told me differently.

Sexually it is also very frowned upon to be masculine. Man end up becoming pigs when they have to limit their talks about sex to a group of guys talking about the opposite sex like a piece of meat. Men do not discuss any issues besides politics with any seriousness because we are thought that you just don’t bring that kind of stuff up. Sex is as taboo of a subject as how long you take in the bathroom. I am not saying that I want to discuss details with my friends, but it would be nice if society allowed for open conversation. The couple of times that I had a friend bring up the subject of sex in his relationship was almost like we were doing something illegal even though he needed to vent. Many men deal with sexual rejection from their partners and vice-versa; the difference is that women can talk to their girlfriends about the issue but men are left to deal with the situation by turning to the wrong outlet for their sexual frustration. When masturbation becomes something you hide in shame but do to relieve tension it can truly affect your overall sexual life.

Something awful compiled a list of the 13 most awful fears and guess what number one was… men. While it is just funny satire it does come from some truth. When I was in an abusive relationship my biggest fear was that I was going to be the one accused of abuse. Society paints men as the enemy even if most of us are doing nothing more than trying to provide for our families. I personally feel OK being considered an alpha male even if an extreme feminist might look at me as macho and misogynist. I know it only comes from her own misandry.

7 Responses to Not Scared of Being a Man

  1. I’m all for equality. I don’t like when I chose to do something that might consider me the “weaker sex” and get verbally attacked for it by Femi-Nazis. I think if there is more than one person living in the home able to help out, then they should. I agree there is no set male/female tasks anymore as long as everyone is willing to help out. I will do the laundry one moment and mow the lawn the next. If it needs to get done, then it will get done by whoever.

  2. But boys really shouldn’t cry. As Stephen Colbert once said, crying is for babies. And girls. And little baby girls.

    Falling apart in the face of a difficult situation may have all kinds of psychological benefit, and may be the healthy, well-balanced thing for you to do as an emotional creature, but in times of tension, crisis, drama, or danger somebody needs to keep his act together. Many would say that girls hold up great under duress, and my experience tends to confirm that. Frankly, girls shouldn’t cry either.

    As for topics of conversation, the general rule is not to bring up sex, money, religion, or politics if you want to be safe. Safe conversation is boring, so pick one that you’re reasonably comfortable with and dive on in. My sex life and financial situation are none of your business, so I tend to lean towards the religion and politics end of things to keep conversations spicy.

  3. So what burro is trying to say is that his wife lowered his allowance and he is not getting any.

  4. Yeah, pretty much.

  5. You know how I feel about this. You even call me progressive. ;-)

    I just wanted to say thank you for portraying me this way. Love you!

  6. It’s interesting that men aren’t really “allowed” to talk about sex with each other b/c I do it quite a bit with my close girlfriends — not too detailed, though.

    Ted and I have a similar approach to chores in that we’ve divided them up based upon what we can most tolerate doing, and then we share some of the mutual ones (like laundry). He cooks more than I do and does more dishes, but I tend to do the bathroom and floors.

  7. Make sure your wife knows that if she doesn’t use her degree, at least by working a few days a week outside the home, that it will look really bad on her resume, and the validity of the degree will be questioned if she ever wants/needs to actually venture into the workplace.

    It is vital to both of your lives that she maintain her earning potential, even if she is a superbly successful housewife.

    On the same note, it sounds as if you and your wife have a fabulous relationship based on understanding, compromise, and equality. I’m happy for you both for the rare gift you have given each other. *smile*

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