S.W.A.T. Dream

I don’t remember my dreams all the time. I wish I did more often. Once in a while I have some very vivid and complicated dreams, and this one I remember as if it was something that actually happened. Maybe some of it is because I had it close to when I was waking up.

I dream of my childhood home more than other places. I live there from around 8 years old until I moved to the U.S. The house is still owned by my grandfather, so there is a chance that one day I might see it again. Two things are very vivid in my mind about the house. The ceiling on the front rooms of the house had wood finish instead of regular wall, I remember looking at the ceiling for the shapes on the wood.

My grandfather owned a pharmacy when he lived in Colombia. He moved to the U.S. years before me, so I remember the place as a kid. There was some commercial space right next to the house. When my grandfather lived there it was the pharmacy, but after he moved here there were a lot of other businesses there. A clothing store, a bakery I actually worked at, and last time I was there, a little grocery store.

Something else my dreams do is mix past and present places as if they were one. That childhood house often morphs into a two story place. This was one of those times. The surfaces, ceiling and overall feel was that of being back in Colombia. The having an upstairs was totally more similar to where I live now.

While downstairs watching TV I see my sister as a 12 year old girl come half of sleep to tell me if I can hear all the noise. I certainly cannot, but when I look at the patio I see shadows coming off the roof. Silhouetted by the moonlight several man advancing toward the roof of the commercial place.

Dreams are weird because at times they just don’t transport you to different place, they also give you a whole other reality. Almost like having a back story I knew that the current tenants of the commercial place were doing illegal stuff, so a S.W.AT. like team on the roof did not surprise me at all. My sister and I went back upstairs and saw that there was holes on the roof and you could see through the wood finished ceiling. I climbed to a terrace in the back of the house to talk to the S.W.A.T team about the damage to the roof. Their commander was pretty nice and said that everything would be taken care of no problem.

Then the dream got a little movie like. Their gear and weapons was just too advanced. Lots of what looked like unmanned weapons just wired to shoot via an electronic command. Tons of wires. Then the dream got weird and a priest was blessing the roof of the house, I asked him for a blessing and right after I shook his hand I woke up.

Got Soccer?

Yesterday was our leagues second soccer match. I have to admit that with my recent back problems I took it pretty easy the first week, but yesterday I started kind of trying. I was surprised that even though I have not played soccer in years I still have some sprint left in me, just not the stamina.

First match we actually lost 5 – 4 mostly because a couple of bad calls by the ref. Our line judge had to be around 14 and it was probably his first match holding a flag. This week we actually won 5 – 2 and it could have been 0 if our goalie did not have to leave at half time to go to work. We ended up with no subs and a regular player as goalie.

I did not expect much out of playing soccer besides just being able to kick the ball around like old times, but I am getting a lot more out of it. I am actually having fun regardless of the outcome. I think next week I might actually be playing at a better level that when I started, I say I was at about 20% first week, this week I think it jumped all the way to 45% and by next maybe 60%.

I am playing defense on the right side mostly, but who knows I might be playing midfield by the time we are done with the league. So what did you end up doing this weekend?

‘nother Friday Feast

Appetizer
When was the last time you visited a hospital?
I just had some blood work done not too long ago, but the last time I visited a hospital was when a coworker ended up there because of some serious problems that almost made him leave this earth. Lucky he recuperated and came back to work.

Soup
On a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being highest, how ambitious are you?
I don`t like the word, but I know I have some… I like being driven better but if I have to put a number I would say a 7.

Salad
Make a sentence using the letters of a body part. (Example: (mouth) My other ukelele tings healthily.)
Forever our otter talked.

Main Course
If you were to start a club, what would the subject matter be, and what would you name it?
The Cook Geeks Gang. Comprised of a group of geeks that do not fit the typical label but like to do geeky things. We’d get matching tattoos and would be a motorcycle gang.

Dessert
What color is the carpet/flooring in your home?
Beige.

Master of my Emotions

I am close to 30 now, and even though age has never been a huge factor in how I see myself, it is a big factor for how society sees me. I should have accomplished X and Y, and in some cases I did… but then I realized that those accomplishments where for other people and not really my goals.

Over the last couple of weeks I have been really introspective with my emotions. I have shared them with people, but I have been trying to dissect what I am feeling before I let the emotion take over me. I am a very emphatic person which is a double edge sword. I can get to know people very quickly and relate to them, but at the same time I can get caught up on someone else’s emotions.

I have been working my way on the emotions jungle lately and started to discern like never before where someone else’s emotions ended and where mine began. I have been trying to get in touch with what I really want for quite some time now, but I feel a huge break through lately.

People say things that hurt us all the time. I have way too many though the following about someone else, “You hurt me with what you just said.” Even though I don’t voice it unless the person is someone close to me, that phrase has been evolving. The first step was turning it into, “What you just said hurt me.”

I have known for a while that I need to go back and rely on personal responsibility for my happiness. I am the only one that can truly master all of my emotions. For year I had been working with anger, which is the emotion that I was weakest to. Emotion could take over and cloud my judgment quicker than any other. I work well under pressure, fear is not a factor for me and guilt is an ongoing battle. Sadness however was almost a afterthought to my other emotions.

I have realized that most of the time people’s words did not immediately made me angry, most of the time it was sadness I felt when people felt one way or another about a topic or what I was feeling. I have realized that sadness is one of the emotions that actually hurt me the most and woke up anger. Even though I know how to control my anger, I still was not stopping it cause just dealing with the symptoms.

The phrase in my brain eventually evolved to “What you said made me sad.” At this point I realized something. I had to dissect my thought process to really understand the emotion. I am happy to say that I can finally say inside my brain, “I let myself feel sadness because of what you said.” It does not take the sadness away at the moment I feel it, however I get over the emotion very quickly. I post this because in this journey through my emotions I hope to help others… maybe not, but just in case it does I will continue the journey inside my brain and little by little becoming the master of my emotions.

A Voice is Dead

Wow… I am not even sure how to post about this… I had a couple of chances to meet Greg IRL via blogger meet up, but did not. KC lost one if the best bloggers it had. He always seemed like someone that I could probably get along with IRL. I have been reading his blog for some time now and it kind of pains me that I am not going to get to laugh as his funny, blunt, and at times obscene way of writing.

You and your funny pictures will be missed.

RIP Death’s Door… and in your honor I will close this post the way you always did yours,

And the monkey flipped the switch.

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