I am close to 30 now, and even though age has never been a huge factor in how I see myself, it is a big factor for how society sees me. I should have accomplished X and Y, and in some cases I did… but then I realized that those accomplishments where for other people and not really my goals.
Over the last couple of weeks I have been really introspective with my emotions. I have shared them with people, but I have been trying to dissect what I am feeling before I let the emotion take over me. I am a very emphatic person which is a double edge sword. I can get to know people very quickly and relate to them, but at the same time I can get caught up on someone else’s emotions.
I have been working my way on the emotions jungle lately and started to discern like never before where someone else’s emotions ended and where mine began. I have been trying to get in touch with what I really want for quite some time now, but I feel a huge break through lately.
People say things that hurt us all the time. I have way too many though the following about someone else, “You hurt me with what you just said.” Even though I don’t voice it unless the person is someone close to me, that phrase has been evolving. The first step was turning it into, “What you just said hurt me.”
I have known for a while that I need to go back and rely on personal responsibility for my happiness. I am the only one that can truly master all of my emotions. For year I had been working with anger, which is the emotion that I was weakest to. Emotion could take over and cloud my judgment quicker than any other. I work well under pressure, fear is not a factor for me and guilt is an ongoing battle. Sadness however was almost a afterthought to my other emotions.
I have realized that most of the time people’s words did not immediately made me angry, most of the time it was sadness I felt when people felt one way or another about a topic or what I was feeling. I have realized that sadness is one of the emotions that actually hurt me the most and woke up anger. Even though I know how to control my anger, I still was not stopping it cause just dealing with the symptoms.
The phrase in my brain eventually evolved to “What you said made me sad.” At this point I realized something. I had to dissect my thought process to really understand the emotion. I am happy to say that I can finally say inside my brain, “I let myself feel sadness because of what you said.” It does not take the sadness away at the moment I feel it, however I get over the emotion very quickly. I post this because in this journey through my emotions I hope to help others… maybe not, but just in case it does I will continue the journey inside my brain and little by little becoming the master of my emotions.