Master of my Emotions

I am close to 30 now, and even though age has never been a huge factor in how I see myself, it is a big factor for how society sees me. I should have accomplished X and Y, and in some cases I did… but then I realized that those accomplishments where for other people and not really my goals.

Over the last couple of weeks I have been really introspective with my emotions. I have shared them with people, but I have been trying to dissect what I am feeling before I let the emotion take over me. I am a very emphatic person which is a double edge sword. I can get to know people very quickly and relate to them, but at the same time I can get caught up on someone else’s emotions.

I have been working my way on the emotions jungle lately and started to discern like never before where someone else’s emotions ended and where mine began. I have been trying to get in touch with what I really want for quite some time now, but I feel a huge break through lately.

People say things that hurt us all the time. I have way too many though the following about someone else, “You hurt me with what you just said.” Even though I don’t voice it unless the person is someone close to me, that phrase has been evolving. The first step was turning it into, “What you just said hurt me.”

I have known for a while that I need to go back and rely on personal responsibility for my happiness. I am the only one that can truly master all of my emotions. For year I had been working with anger, which is the emotion that I was weakest to. Emotion could take over and cloud my judgment quicker than any other. I work well under pressure, fear is not a factor for me and guilt is an ongoing battle. Sadness however was almost a afterthought to my other emotions.

I have realized that most of the time people’s words did not immediately made me angry, most of the time it was sadness I felt when people felt one way or another about a topic or what I was feeling. I have realized that sadness is one of the emotions that actually hurt me the most and woke up anger. Even though I know how to control my anger, I still was not stopping it cause just dealing with the symptoms.

The phrase in my brain eventually evolved to “What you said made me sad.” At this point I realized something. I had to dissect my thought process to really understand the emotion. I am happy to say that I can finally say inside my brain, “I let myself feel sadness because of what you said.” It does not take the sadness away at the moment I feel it, however I get over the emotion very quickly. I post this because in this journey through my emotions I hope to help others… maybe not, but just in case it does I will continue the journey inside my brain and little by little becoming the master of my emotions.

5 Responses to Master of my Emotions

  1. Wonderful post. It is so easy to blame others for whatever is making us uncomfortable. At some point we have to take responsibility for our own reactions, and remember that quote by Eleanor Roosevelt: “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”

  2. Maybe this is just me and my inability to read :)…but I read through your post several times, and other than some vague glimpses of some strong emotional upheaval you’re going through, I really am unable to understand much of what you’re trying to say.

    I think we, as bloggers, are very concerned with making sure we don’t hurt RL peoples’ feelings by supplying specifics about situations – especially emotionally charged ones. But often when we try to write a post without explaining the particular circumstances, it becomes very vague and hard to understand. Of course to the writer it’s crystal clear because we know what we’re talking about in our heads but to others it’s clear as mud ;)

    I want to understand what you’re trying to get off your chest, but sorry…I need examples. :)

  3. This post does not refer to anything in particular. I could add examples during most of the stages that I went through when transforming the sentence in my head from

    “You just hurt my feelings” to “I let what you said, hurt my feelings”

    I feel that there is a lot of information out there including religion that says things like, we need to be the commanders of our own lives, or we need to follow the path. I was just simply trying to put in words my journey from thinking that other people were doing things to hurt me (in this case with words) to becoming personally responsible for giving them that power.

    I also discovered that when people say things it does not make me angry right away, sadness most of the time comes first… maybe you have a good grasp on when people say things and they hurt, that you gave them the power to do that… it took time for me to figure it out and this was a way for me to express it. I was not trying to protect others or be overcomplicated… We’ll see if I can do better next time.

  4. I understand when you say “You hurt my feelings” it gives someone a power over you, as if to say you’re not in command of how you process emotions. But I think that attitude can also tend to absolve others of some blame and responsibility. There are some things people say that are simply hurtful, and no amount of will or inner strength cause them not to be hurtful by intent.

    If a parent says, “You’re useless”, that’s a hurtful statement no matter how you take it. It doesn’t matter if you say, “You hurt my feelings” or “I let what you said hurt my feelings”, it was a hurtful statement. But denying its power diminishes the culpability of the person that said it.

    Think of it like this, if someone walks up and punches you in the nose it hurts both physically and emotionally, especially if you didn’t deserve it. It was most likely a Bad Thing to Do to You. You should tell them, “You hurt my nose.” But you can’t say, “I let what you did hurt my nose.” What you did or didn’t do had no impact on the pain – it simply hurt and was wrong. To emphasize your vulnerability is to diminish the actual “badness” of their action.

    I just think we have to be careful about allowing our weaknesses to excuse the bad things other people do to us.

  5. Totally agree with you Barry,

    I have taken martial arts, so that if someone ever decides to come at my physically they would have a hard time hurting the short pudgy dude that just kicked me in the face (ala, Chris Tucker in Rush Hour “Who kicked me”).

    This post is not for kids, its for adults that need to learn to move forward from the abuse. The first step towards moving away from an abusive relationship is to take away the power of being abused by a person. If the person has the power to break our will and hurt us, it is a lot harder to get up and leave. Most abusers will never claim responsibility for their actions… at least the ones I have met. To me it is a waste of energy to try to make abusers see that they are hurting people, some are aware and don’t care, some are not capable of seeing themselves as abusers because they think the world hurt them and they should dish it out. I might be wrong in my approach, but when it comes to abuse you have to work on getting stronger and just pointing it out does not make it stop.

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