Lost Trust

Luandro posted a comment that told the most significant truth of this week for me. In any relationship trust is the ultimate foundation.

Bea told me to write about what I am going through. It is a good feeling to know that someone “gets” you and encourages you in every step you take. I sometimes trust too easily and that can be considered a personality flaw. I have trusted my feelings and instincts before, and they have failed me only a handful of times. I have trusted other people and it is sad that so many people in the world just cannot be trusted. I am lucky that I do have many people around me that deserve my trust. They are the ones that make my life the beautiful garden it is today.

I was lied to recently by someone I thought was becoming a friend. This lie was probably not one of the biggest ones I have been told in my life but it directly violated my trust on that person. I had asked a straight question and got a lie for an answer. The bad part was not the lie, I could have even lived with the lie, the bad part was the words or reassurance sprinkled over the lie. The sort of thing that a man says to another man, “I got your back.”

My instincts had told me that this person was not to be trusted in situations where there was going to be pressure. If in a bar, with a bunch of people a fight broke out I knew I could not count on this person to have my back. Even with that knowledge I took the words this person said as somewhat of a oath to be there for me when I needed them. I was not going to be left hanging.

When I had to hear about the history of my parents relationship after their divorce I realized something. My Dad had never fully trusted my Mom. He had not trusted her from the moment they had met each other. Doubt is a powerful ally to fear and they can eventually take over someone’s mind. Even though jealousy was not the only culprit on that relationship’s demise, it was certainly one of the weeds that took over the plants of love and turned that relationship into a wasteland.

What happened to me recently was overall without much consequence. This person was obviously not a friend, but just someone I knew and had to put trust on. Trust that maybe was not deserved at all. We all make mistakes, however insult was added to injury after the situation transpired. In the end I do have people that have my back, and well, that person was not going to do much backing anyway… that I knew. The biggest loss was that a relationship I thought was flourishing had never even been planted. A friendship seed planted on barren ground…

What do you want to do?

Are the goals you are currently pursuing yours or someone else’s

I have been reading the articles that were linked by life reboot on the post 10 articles that changed my life. There are several golden nuggets of information there not just about how you should think about what you do for a living, but how you are living your life.

It set in motion several trains full of ideas that I want to write about. I know that putting my thoughts into words always helps me sort them out. If in the process I affect someone’s life in a positive way, even better.

My first take away from everything I read there was about goals. Not just how important it is to set goals, but to make sure that they are your own. If you are trying to for example make someone else happy at your own happiness expense you are wasting your time. You would be surprised how many people fall right into that trap even if they know and understand that happiness is something that comes from within. Sure, a great friend or relationship can pour gasoline over the happiness fire, but it does have to be sparked from the inside with some good all positive thinking.

After you determine that your goals are your own and not societies current trend to make us all rich, super skinny and famous you need to make sure they are attainable. While it is important to think of where you want to be five years from now, it is important to set course, you also have to get some rewards along the way. Many people that set sail for that virgin beach in the middle of the ocean sometimes forgets that it is all about the trip and not the destination.

Having short term goals that you can attain will make it a lot easier of time while trying to accomplish those long term goals. For example, right now I have a new attitude towards health. I quit smoking, stopped drinking pop and started to throttle down on carbs. While my ultimate goal is to be healthy and shed some pounds, if I only concentrate on the scale and my next cholesterol doctor check up I would not have much to be happy or proud about. Then when I did accomplish the huge goal I set my eyes on, I might not enjoy it as much if I did not have those other short term goals to keep me going.

When it comes to goals in life, I think it is important to make them personal, attainable and rewarding.

Friends of the Opposite Sex

When in a serious relationship some people do not agree with having friends of the opposite sex. I have a lot of friends and some of them are of the opposite sex. I am lucky that Bea understands that you can have friends of the opposite sex without having to worry about what I am going to do. This is based on trust, and it is something that not everyone has for their partner.

What is even more dangerous is when someone tries to be your only friend. Cutting you off from your social life because they want to be the only person you have to rely on.

After going through divorces in the past, both Bea and I have agreed that the thing that made those situations bearable was to have a support structure. Friends and family are the key to enjoying life to the fullest. A relationship that has no outside friends is one that should be evaluated. While I understand the time demands of todays life, I think having friends or at least a close family it is an important facet of every relationship.

If someone has issues with making friends, that person is probably not ready to be in a relationship. Lack of friends shows that the person has issues not just making but keeping relationships. Being introverted is understandable, but you should be very careful when someone does not have anyone they call their friend.

*** Thing that makes me happy ***

Listening to the theme of the last American Hero on the news.