Mental Domination

Everyone thinks that they are never manipulated. Without even realizing it, you might have bought a shirt just because you were influence by advertisement or went to a place for lunch just to keep up with the crowd. When in a relationship it is even harder to admit that you can be manipulated. When someone has done it to you it is very hard to accept even if inside you know it is happening. There is a defence mechanism in the brain that manipulators use against you, it is your desire to not believe you are being manipulated but doing things because you want to do them. There is a difference between doing something because you chose to do it and because you are coerced into doing it, but it is at times very subtle and hard to tell them apart.

Most people are not liars, they might not lie to others, but you might be surprised how much people lie to themselves. The dangerous slope gets more slippery when we are in a relationship and we start lying to others about how things are going. Manipulative people will destroy your support structure first, then slowly they will make themselves the only source of positive reinforcement. At first their negativity will show up only once in a while and it will be excused as something the person is trying to change. Slowly but surely a manipulator will start to show more and more negative behaviour and eventually the positive reinforcement only appears when the other person is ready to leave… eventually not even then, but our self esteem is so low at that point that it is almost impossible to leave.

Manipulators truly make you believe that they are not aware of their behaviour. Everyone has issues, and I am sure that we can all be unbalanced at times. Guilt and fear are great motivators, we all fall weak to them some times; manipulators are motivated by greed and jealousy. Most manipulators want to take up all of your time to serve their every need, and it is not about money, it is mostly emotional. The manipulator knows that their behaviour is eventually going to kill any good feeling that you have for them, so they start working on other feelings like guilt, which by the way it is something they do not feel.

So how did I end up with a manipulator?

Most manipulators are very good people for a while. Most look for people that have just ended a serious relationship and feel vulnerable. It is very hard not to get into a relationship after a divorce or ending a long term relationship. You are used to companionship and routine and you want to recapture that. Do not start a relationship unless you already know how to survive on your own. A person that is codependent to a manipulator is like a limping gazelle to a lion.

So how do you spot a manipulator?

If the person you are with displays jealousy towars your family, your friend, kids or pets it is a great indicator that they have a warped sense of ownership. If at any point the person turns something that they said as a compliment in the beginning of the relationship into something they see as a flaw. Any kind of emotional blackmail is a clear sing that someone is trying to manipulate you.

So how do you stop a manipulator?

I personally feel that people that are involved in relationships with manipulators are enablers. Some people can coexist in these kind of relationships, but I believe that the price you pay is too high. I think that a relationship with a manipulator cannot survive unless the person is willing to get professional help. The issue is that most manipulators are never going to admit they have a problem and will try to blame all the problems on someone else, their family, their environment, their partner. I believe the best step to take is to put distance between you and the manipulator and inform as many people as you can about the situation. Please tell your friends and family if you ever feel like you are in an abusive relationship. Get out of the situation as fast as you can and do not look back, because most manipulators keep on abusing the same person because they establish a pattern with that person. They feel if the person really cares, they should take the abuse and accept them for who they are.

* This post is for a good friend, who I believe is going through some tough times but is feeling like (he/she) is alone. I am here, you know how to get a hold of me.

** I am not currently in an abusive relationship, but I do speak most of the points from personal experience. I got out, so you can too!

11 Responses to Mental Domination

  1. Like I said, we reach new levels of psycho every day.

    The good thing is to recognize it and get away, move on, and forward.

    Excellent post, my love.

  2. Relationships are a covenant, not a contract.

    I’m glad that you are in a loving relationship now, one that allows you the freedom to be yourself, and to be appreciated fully.

    :hug: Have a good day!

  3. This is beautiful. I hope it reaches not just one, but many.

  4. Nice post. It’s not good to start a relationship when you just ended a long one.

    Also note that a manipulator might not know he/she is one.

    This is hard.

    Talking about manipulations, I don’t like conspiracy theories much but I am aware of the power of advertisement.

  5. I am proud to say that I am independent enough to have never been in a relationship like that. I think I’ve learned to spot an abusive relationship because some people I’ve known have had those kinds of relationships. Your words are very true. I imagine it is difficult for someone to admit to themselves that they are being abused. Afterall, they may have a good heart with good intentions. It’s just to bad that the other half is childish and needs to grow up.

  6. I think I got to that point in my last relationship adn finally couldn’t take it anymore. I don’t want to make that same mistake again in the future. Although I care about the person I was with, she needs to recognize that I need my space now and she doesn’t need to worry about me anymore. All it does is add unnecessary stress to my current situation. Stress that I can no longer afford to endure. Please let me be. Please…

  7. Just stopping by to hijack your post and send a HUGE hug to Travis. Hang in there, and you know you can count on us.

  8. Thanks Bea, you are the best.

  9. I’m so glad to hear that you got out of your relationship and are in a much better one now:) We all deserve a second chance, don’t we?

  10. Twstdbudha

    relationships are inevitabley destructive regardless of the relationship.i have ony had one real intimate relationship, inwhich my heart was broken.Since then i have embraced my inner beast,meaning that,emotional relatioships should be understood in such a way as to never take away from the others individuality. Also,sexual relations sholud be as free as the persons ability to exprss them seleves sexually.My advice is if u are in a relationship,that u should remeber how that person made u feel before u felt that they are your possession,which they naver can be unless u practice slavery.Sexual partners should be a choice whrher u are in a relationship or not.Jeaoulsy cannot be used as manipulation if u understand that both people in the relationship are free to do as they choose without hurting the other emotionally.Now this is not not for a person that doesnt want to learn to control themseleves and their understanding of attachment.Think of it this way. native americans had no concept of the idea of ownership. they lived for and with everthing in their life in the most positive way available.Emotional attachment is no different, if u truly love someone u must be comfortable with the idea of letting them go.if not u will only destroy yourself. This is my first time coming to this site and if u are interested in corressponding with me then feel free. i am currently studying manipulation and other powerful vehicles of thought and would much appreciate someone whom i could feel as my equal. thank you and good luck to all those whom are being manipulated. and to the ones who use nlp,hypnosis,transactional analysis, and the dark arts of ninjitsu,naver let the suckers rest in their untrained monkey minds of illusionary society.

  11. I am trying to end such a relationship but there is never a right time, I am tired of waiting for the right time. I have accepted that I am being manipulated But I also feel like a kind of manipulator myself. The experience will make a great story.

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