Friends of the Opposite Sex

When in a serious relationship some people do not agree with having friends of the opposite sex. I have a lot of friends and some of them are of the opposite sex. I am lucky that Bea understands that you can have friends of the opposite sex without having to worry about what I am going to do. This is based on trust, and it is something that not everyone has for their partner.

What is even more dangerous is when someone tries to be your only friend. Cutting you off from your social life because they want to be the only person you have to rely on.

After going through divorces in the past, both Bea and I have agreed that the thing that made those situations bearable was to have a support structure. Friends and family are the key to enjoying life to the fullest. A relationship that has no outside friends is one that should be evaluated. While I understand the time demands of todays life, I think having friends or at least a close family it is an important facet of every relationship.

If someone has issues with making friends, that person is probably not ready to be in a relationship. Lack of friends shows that the person has issues not just making but keeping relationships. Being introverted is understandable, but you should be very careful when someone does not have anyone they call their friend.

*** Thing that makes me happy ***

Listening to the theme of the last American Hero on the news.

8 Responses to Friends of the Opposite Sex

  1. Hah! Do I know about this? I learnt it the hard way. I understand some people are shy, I understand some people like to live their lives alone sometimes. But the lack of social skills kind of scares me.

    I think it is very important for a couple to build a support network. I was wise not to let my friends go when I got married, even if I moved away from my country. They were who eventually helped me through the trial divorce is. My friends and my family.

    I will never understand people who pretend you to cut people off your life and forget that there is a world out there. But all in good measure.

  2. Well, my wife’s opinion is that you should “never put yourself in the position”. Meaning you shouldn’t have those relationships that have the potential to turn into something more. I guess she has had too many experiences where someone had no intentions of falling for a friend of theirs and then it “just happened”. I don’t quite fall into the same thinking (although I haven’t had her experience either) and it has caused some problems. I play a lot of volleyball and have been asked a number of times to play in co-ed leagues. I tell everyone no immediately now because it would tick my wife off if I even asked to play in those leagues. I guess you can never agree 100% on everything with your spouse, eh?

  3. I agree with Mark’s wife. My mom said the same thing to me all the time, to never put myself in certain situations that can get risky.

    I still stand by my idea that having friends in a relationship is not only healthy, but necessary. That being said, most of those friends should be mutual, or at least well accepted.

  4. My wife and I don’t have much in the way of outside friends, which is unfortunate. There’s only so much to do without her around and she doesn’t have time to do anything at the moment. I also get the sense that she and I look for different things in friends, which could pose a problem later on. But for the most part we are supportive of each other’s social endeavors and we wish that we could do more of them together. Hopefully when she’s not working 80 hours a week we will be able to make some mutual couple friends.

    There are friendships and then there are friendships. The question of whether or not there could be a potential problem is if you are frequently alone with a person. I have personally decided never to be alone in a room with a woman that I have ever been attracted to or dated. It’s not that I think anything would happen, but I just want the line drawn in the sand so that if I am ever in a situation where my marriage is on the rocks, I know what the boundaries are before a rough patch becomes something irreparable.

  5. You are right. It’s all about trust. Always. If you can’t trust someone, you have nothing.

  6. I agree it’s about trust. Without that, you ain’t got nothing.

    As for the people who want to the only friend…that drives me up the wall. I met a woman last fall who wanted to be my one and only everything and to have every last second of my spare time all devoted to her. That eventually drove me to have to cut her completely out of my life because I just couldn’t handle the pressure…and, of course, when I did see her again a few months later, I was the bad guy for not being a good friend.

  7. Ok. I understand all this about trusting. What about the topics of conversation with friends of the opposite sex. I have no problem with spouse having friends… it the sex conversations, flirting, pushing the boundaries- the “talk” that gets to me. He says not cheating… well he is not physically but… and yet somehow I am the bad guy. So to me if you can’t be friends without the trash talk- maybe you shouldn’t be friends at all.

    Opinions welcome…

  8. Boundaries are very important Marge and if it makes you uncomfortable it should be respected.

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