Of Dating and Love
I had an excellent weekend with some of my friends here and KC and the topic of dating came up. It seems that everyone disliked dating quite a bit. Love seemed to be a distant mistress that was never palpable to those that so desperately seek her.
While dating is an interesting concept it is one that not everyone wants to sign up for. Meeting people is a hassle when you are willing to put your heart on the line. Finding trustworthy friends is a hard task, imagine finding someone that you are going to give everything, mind, body and soul.
The easy answer that I hear all the time, and even at times I give, is don`t worry about it… it will happen when it is supposed to! but what happens when your biological clock is ticking, or you just simply don`t want to be alone? Why is it a crime that you want to find the “one.”
I know several people that if I could do the magic matchmaker thing, I would without hesitation. The problem is that meeting and liking someone is a process that involves more than just personalities to match. What eharmony promises is hardly the answer to love. The most compatible human to you might just be your chemical opposite.
The big issue is that when we enter a relationship with someone we don`t already know, we end up looking at a mask and not the real person. We try to see everything that we like in that other person and little by little we start discovering who that other person really is. The complete opposite happens if you date someone you have known as a friend for a while. That is probably the ideal situation when it comes to dating.
Building a group of friends is the easiest way to find actual people that you can eventually date. It is an easy way to find new people without having to go to dating sites or singles events.
The big plus to a group of friends is also the human contact factor. I think that one of the reasons we end up falling for fruitless relationships is because we become starved for contact with other humans and as time passes we will settle for anything instead of waiting for what we really need.
I wish that dating was a way of finding love, but in reality love finds you. The more we seek it, the further it seems to go. I do not miss dating at all, but I do think is an important part of life. It is the time that we spend figuring out not so much what we want out of a relationship, but what we don`t want.
It is not a cynical view, really. It simply means that once you find someone who you do not see anything that you truly dislike, or someone who`s flaws somehow compliment you, your “search” has ended. If you feel like you know yourself better after spending time with that person, or that you are more who you are than you were ever before… brace yourself, you have found love.