Male Bathroom Etiquette

The first time I entered a female bathroom was when I worked for Mc Donalds. It was one of the dreaded duties but someone had to clean the bathrooms. I had my first encounter with the “extra” garbage can and just overall niceness of female bathrooms vs. males. If you have not puked yet and are still with me, lets move on to more disgusting things.

I have been in female bathrooms twice after that, and the lack of smelly urinals alerted me that I had picked the wrong one. I have always been amazed that the female versions have couches and overall pleasant smells. Men are not that lucky.

I don’t like using public bathrooms, there are many reasons but I think the one that remains the key to that lock box is that I did not get bathroom passes, I had to train my bladder when I was a kid because the teacher said so. This created the trauma than unless I was at home, I could not fully enjoy the freedom of going as I pleased. To a lesser extent it is that I also call the bathroom the library.

About 5 years ago I took up the drinking tons of water at work hobbie. Why is it a hobbie you ask, the more you drink, the more you have to let out. This is not a problem most of the time since I have trainned myself to be a long distance runner when it comes to breaking the seal.

Not too long ago I had to go to a different building than where I work and had the opportunity to use a public bathroom. It was pretty inevitable and I had done everything I could to wait, but my bladder was as tight as a fully inflated ballon. So I had to go release.

I never thought I would encounter the trifecta of male bathroom etiquette. As I walk in, I hear another guy releasing while being very vocal about his accomplisment. The moaning was getting to orgasmic level and as I got closer to the urinals the dude had parked in the middle one. I had no other choice but to use a stall. As I am waking past him he lets a fart rip… and I was almost impressed.

I got to my destination and started evacuation procedures. I had one that rivalled Austin Power’s duration. Then I hear someone start rapping. Yes ladies and gentleman rapping in a public bathroom. The guy was not bad and would have been not disturbing if it was not in a public male bathroom. I finished my business and even though I did not want to meet the MC I had to… he was washing his hands and to my surprise he was white… and not eminem white, not even Bill Clinton white, he was all the way Dick Cheney white.

5 comments on “Male Bathroom Etiquette

  1. I mimmick your thoughts pretty straight up. I wish you had a minidisc recorder in there. I’d pay money for a repro of that day!

  2. Funny stuff. I have such an aversion to public bathrooms. I know where all the nice, sanitary bathrooms in my area are. I have been known though to leave a store and drive all the way home to use the restroom. I thought I was strange but I’ve learned that most people feel the same way.

    Thanks for sharing. *grin*

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