Filter me this, filter me that

I am so sick of filters. Why can people just say what’s on their minds? When did we become so affraid of speaking our minds that we end up just going on circles just to please everyone around us. (I just re-read what I just wrote and realized that it is a luxury that maybe should not be given to everyone… speaking what is on your mind that is).

Are filters good or bad?

A coworker, in the past was very into expressing himself. The problem was that the expressing was sometimes rated X, or at times XXX towards the opposite sex. I, for some reason or another, do not like being a pig in any situation. I can barely stomach it when there is only guys around. I think its the whole “I have a Mom, Sister and a niece” kind of thought that enters my mind when someone objectifies a woman. Then I hear that he was a different person around his significant other, so he did know how to apply filters. He made it very unconfortable to work around because I never wanted to be associated with such trashy way of talking, specially in a “professional” environment.

So are filters good?

Another coworker had no filter when he talked about bad practices around the office. He went as far as just telling our boss that a decision he had made was stupid. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, he actually said “that is just stupid” to one of the decision my boss had just made. I agreed with my coworker completely, but then again I decided to hold back not because of a filter but because it was just not going to make a difference. I would not have used those words but if I believed that it could change something I would have said it was the wrong decision. When you work in a company long enough you realize that you can either be a change factor or not… I guess my coworker did not take the time to figure that out, or filters were not his thing.

So are filters very good?

While having a conversation with another coworker he defined something for me from a different perspective. He said some people have filters and some people have masks. Filters are the tools we used to hold words while we think before we speak based on previous experience, morals or situations. Masks are when in front of certain people we have one set of morals and codes of action and in other situations we are completely different. I then realized that I am not bothered by filters at all, I just cannot stand masks.

I have worn masks before. I have tried to be something that I am not in front of some people because I thought they would like me better that way. However that made me extremely unhappy and I could not keep doing it. I have realized with time that people either like me for who I am, or don’t like me at all and that’s ok. I have issues with rejection, and I used to strive for everyone to like me. Most people might not have a problem with it, but at times it was hard for me to accept that some people jut did not like me.

Just as hard as it was for me to have a mask on, it is hard for me to stand people that wear masks around me or around certain groups of people. Maybe because I do not know who they really are. Maybe it is because of the whole “cool” factor. Then again, how many people do we really get to know for who they are? I guess that is a whole other post.

3 Responses to Filter me this, filter me that

  1. I know who the stupid comment is, but am I the potty mouth?

  2. I too had problems with some people not liking me. Then one day I realized that if I have to be someone I’m not in order to please others, then who on earth am I to myself? There is only so much of our own identity we can lose in order to fit in a society that probably has it wrong most of the time.

  3. I like your co-worker’s explanation. As I was reading your post, I was thinking that filters are a good thing, esp. based upon your examples. But, I do see a difference in masks and pretending to have an entirely different personality. It’s always a fine line to me as far as watching what I say so that I don’t offend someone out of courtesy, yet wanting to speak my mind.

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