One of the biggest paradoxes in my life has been the definition of love. If I have tried to love so hard, why have I never been in love? Over and over in my head I have tried to define what love is with no luck… that is until now. I think I have finally found a good definition for that feeling that is so hard to define.
Before getting into the solution to the problem why not talk about the road there? How many times have I really loved? Is any love ever complete? Can you have true love with only one person feeling the need to do everything possible to make the other one happy? Is there such a thing as unconditional love?
Love is not perfect, that I know. Love is something that cannot exist without peace, patience and hope. Love without lots of humor is not much fun. The is actually not a bad place to start looking for a definition for love. 1 Corinthians 13.
After being in serious relationships I thought I had it all figured out. After telling people that I loved them I figured I knew what I was talking about. While I had the feeling right, the emotions in tune and the delivery supposedly down path I thought I knew how to love. However the mix for that love potion was not mixed correctly and in a couple of occasions it made me sick… one I thought it was going to kill me.
The first time I thought I was in love is probably the hardest to rationalize now… should I call it puppy love, or should I give it the respect of the way I felt then. I can only hope that some day I can feel that innocent love again and that it has not been tainted. The woman I married, and who I am still very good friends with, I loved as a friend and now I also hope that I can someday love someone and call them truly my best friend. The first time I felt love mixed with passion was intoxicating, to the point that I did not see how wrong it was for me to be with someone that was in a total different timeline than mine… then again I still want to feel that passion and not be blinded by it. The last time I loved was the first time I was truly committed, to the point I lost myself in the process… I did everything for someone that did not deserve any of what I had to offer… yet I still someday want to love someone so much that I would truly do anything for them.
Mixing elements in a chemistry lab is something you are not supposed to do unless you know what the reaction is going to be. How are we supposed to know what the correct amount of doubt, insanity, or faith is supposed to be mixed in. I have so many times loved with so much doubt in my heart it was insane, and the only think that kept it going was faith… faith not just in a relationship but as sick as it sounds, faith on myself to be able to be something that I was not just to make someone else happy.
For the longest time my definition of true love was very simple. It is when two people feel the same way about each other. Maybe I still have it wrong, but today after giving it a lot of thought I have come to the conclusion of love is when you can find someone that you want to grow old together with.