After reading April’s post and knowing the guy that originally posted what prompted her commentary (btw, it was not me) I felt somewhat at odds with Feminism. I have always been a huge promoter of equality of the sexes. I think both man and woman can perform every job out there. I don’t have a problem with woman in the military or police force, even though in the back of my mind I believe that woman should always be protected and taken care of.

I’m a man and proud to have a protective personality. I like being a provider, but I would not mind being with someone that also provides, I would not even mind to have someone that makes more money than me. However I still feel that there should be roles in a relationship and that the man should be he head of the household. Do I want to marry a homemaker? not really, I think someday I will have enough to hire a maid… however I do want to be with someone that takes pride on their home, kids and taking care of her husband.

Coming from a Spanish background I have grown up seeing roles that some women in the U.S. would consider from back in the 50’s but let me tell you how good it feels to have a home cooked meal by your mother. That does not mean that I also don’t enjoy cooking and helping out around the house, but I think that a woman is a better nurturer than a man is.

I don’t think having defined roles in a household is sexist. While many man out there are being homemakers today, I still think that woman are better at raising children. I also firmly believe that it takes a strong family of both a man and a woman to raise a child. There are a lot of characteristics in both man and woman that a child needs to experience.

I believe feminism when taken to the extreme kills the family structure. Just like taking machismo to the extreme is also wrong. A woman should be the centerpiece of the household, the glue that holds everything together. When you have households where no one wants to take the “homemaker” role, fights erupt over who is going to do the dishes or finish up the laundry. While I am not opposed to 50/50 I like to be taken care of. Is that really that wrong?

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15 comments on “Feminism

  1. “I think that a woman is a better nurturer than a man is.” Okay Logtar, PROVE IT. I rest my case. Subjectiveness, ahhh, it just doesn’t save us all. LOL. I knew the feminism would get your creative writing juices going, lol.

    Also, “I believe feminism when taken to the extreme kills the family structure.” — really? Stereotyping feminists… ah-ah-ahhhh…. it’s just not becoming of you my friend. Do more research on the types of feminists there are, and you’ll see what I mean. There really is no such thing as extreme feminists, only different types of feminists.

  2. Hmmm… Food for thought. I have trouble with this one, coming from a Hispanic family and all that. I grew up seeing my mother being the centre of the household, the nurturer, and my dad being the provider. That is all right in my mind and I don’t see why it should become a war.

    What do I want for myself? I have no friggin’ idea. I wouldn’t mind living the same kind of life my parents lived, as long as I don’t feel like I’m depending on someone 100% — That already happened and you and I know how it ended.

    I don’t think it’s a matter of sexism, feminism or whatever. It’s a matter of what a couple feels comfortable doing, and it also depends on the cultural background. I’m latina… I behave like a latina and I want to live my life as a latina. If that means some people will think I live in a sexist environment, then so be it.

  3. “I think that a woman is a better nurturer than a man is.” Okay Logtar, PROVE IT.

    My breast don’t give milk… how do you like them apples!

  4. When a woman tells me I should want more than just being a mother, I’m almost offended (almost). My children are old enough that I now have a job. I chose to stay home when my children were young because I felt I was the best caretaker. I don’t appreciate being told there is something better for me out there when I enjoy what I have at home. I take care of my children and my husband and I take pride in that. I’m not forced into a role by any man. As far as I’m concerned too many women have been brainwashed to think they don’t need that cookie cutter role to feel complete. All I ask is my girls are given the choice to go either way or mix it up to their liking. My mother worked only because she was a single mom for a while. Given the choice, she said she would have stayed home at first. My sister and I both stayed home, then pursued jobs outside the home. I don’t mean to go off, but since I live in the U.S.A, I can.

  5. That is what bothers me, that woman that make that choice to stay home and be proud of it are almost chastised as being out of touch with some kind of weird alternate reality. I am sorry but there is nothing more beautiful than a strong family.

  6. Interesting post. I grew up in a house where my mother worked full-time while my dad (after getting fired for being Latino) went back to school to get his degree. So from Preschool up until second grade, my father was home with me and was my primary source of care. It was great because I have a different bond with him than I do with my mother. But with each parent, I have an equally strong bond, due to the, at the time, unconventional way I was brought up.

    With that in mind, I was also taught by my dad, that women are to be protected (don’t mistake that for controlled) and respected above all else. I was raised to be a gentleman: open doors, provide as much as possible so the wife doesn’t have to work, etc. I’m adjusting, but i still feel like I’m a bad provider when my wife brings home more than I do. It’s nothing against her, or women at all, it’s just that I feel like I’m not doing my part. But I guess that’s how women have felt for eons, only because they weren’t given a choice.

    The problem I have with Feminism, is when it’s taken to the extreme and some out there try to make all men seem obsolete and unnecessary. Seems to me that Feminists, above all else, should know what it’s like to be judged solely by a factor you have no control over – your gender.

  7. “With that in mind, I was also taught by my dad, that women are to be protected (don’t mistake that for controlled) and respected above all else. I was raised to be a gentleman.”

    Good for Daniel :-)

    I forgot to add that just because a woman wants to be the centre of the household, it doesn’t mean she can’t go out there and have a career. People confuse being a housewife with having no goals in life. My mother stayed home and took care of us while my father worked. I haven’t seen many people who feel accomplished the way she does.

    If a woman is forced to stay home, then there is something wrong there. But if she willingly accepts the role of a nurturer and her life feels complete that way, then who are we to judge her life choices? It’s all relative. I like to feel protected and cared for.

  8. “My breast don’t give milk… how do you like them apples!” — Oh really? I don’t know… maybe you’ll like your own apples cuz guess what? Men can breast feed if they so choose. However, men breast feeding tends to make other men feel like they are “gay” or what-not. Some men feel too much pressure from other men not to nurture. I think that is a shame, because the potential for men to nurture is very biologically possible. The only thing men can’t do is have a baby in their body. However, this alone should not stop men from being nurturers. I think the argument I am putting on the plate here, is that why aren’t more men trying to be as nurturing as women? There is a lot more pressure for men to not nurture, and there is a disporportionate amount of pressure on a woman to be the nurturer of the family. See what I mean?

  9. My comment was a comical one, not a serious one. I completely disagree with you. Man are more nurturing now than 10 years ago. I have a lot of friends with kids that not only take an active role in every aspect of their children upbringing.

    The family structure in America is in crisis and in part I think it is because there are so many people trying to destroy that basic institution of our society. Family is the basis for everything in life… we have so many people in today’s society with no one to go to with their issues… why, because they don’t truly have a family that serves them as a support structure.

    My nurturing comment was meant not to just the husband or the kids but to the family overall. Women are better equipped emotionally to be empathetic being (not all but most) and it is very acceptable by our culture standards for a woman to be in touch with her emotions. Families need that balance. I think a Matriarchal society is way better choice to be truly honest with you… it is just that feminist want to kill the thought of “male dominance” yet so many woman complain that chivalry is dead. What is it that feminist really want? Equality? Career? What about a family?

  10. John, I think that women want what men have: unlimited options, choices, and opportunities outside of child-rearing and within the child-rearing realm. Feminists want this for women, and this is why we advocate. The majority of men and women assume that the “natural” choice for women is to be a nurturer. Again, I ask you — how come more men are not fighting to feed their kids with their own breast milk? As unpopular as this sounds, I ask you to think about what an average male would tell you. They would probably say you are out of your mind. They might even be insulted to think that a man could serve this role. Why is it so distasteful for a man to breastfeed?

    John, if we truly are as “advanced” as you say men are, then why don’t men concentrate on more biological ways to nurture their children if that’s the only difference between men and women? You know why? Because they pressure women to do it and they just assume that women will do it for them, i.e. “passive-aggresive” behavior passed on from generation to generation culturally (this is the reason why you advocate it so much — because it’s part of your culture and this is what you were taught, not by choice). Men are able to dominate the world because culturally, men have had more options and opportunities in life outside of child-rearing. They have also placed more value on being the “bread winner” than on child rearing. You really should think about being a feminist John, because if you value women in the home, then you need to advocate for pensions that help women take care of their children. It’s not feminists that devalue the cultural expectation of a woman as nurturer, it’s the fact that women do not get much compensation for being mothers — think about it.

    Not only are women limited in opportunities, so are men. Men are expected to keep gender roles without choice. Ask yourself … why? How would we know it’s the best if we haven’t tried things any other way?

  11. Frankly, it doesn’t bother me if women work, or don’t want to have children, or don’t even want to marry. However, the rise of feminism has been the main culprit in the rise in divorce, crime, bastard children, and new terms like ADHD.

    Am I laying blame? No. However, when society for centuries have dictated the rolls of men and women, making drastic changes disrupts the balance of that society. When women no longer stay at home and take care of their husbands, it causes jealousy and resentment. When they no longer stay home to raise their children, they become dependent on somebody else’s cares and values, and not the love and attention they deserve.

    It would have been just as absurd for men to say, “We no long want to work to provide for our family. Instead we wish to stay home and take care of the domestics and send our women into the work force.” Because women have decided to make that change in reverse, they have burdened their men with the additional stress of domestic affairs that they were not responsible for. Recently my wife has re-entered the work force. Is the money nice? Yes. Is it worth the stress? I guess only time will tell.

    As a man, what is the marriage and the family worth working for? Apparently, statistics show that it is not. Call me old fashioned I guess. If that makes you angry, it’s you problem — not mine.

  12. When my wife was pregnant with our second child, I first heard about men being able to coach their bodies into breastfeeding. The idea seemed like something out of Arnold’s “Junior” movie in all honesty. My son is allergic to Soy, which means my wife’s vegetarian diet was causing some problems, he reacted to soy-based formula by violently vomiting almost instantly, and he refused the regular non-soy formula. The more I thought about it the more I realized that IF (i say if because I don’t know if studies have been done, like they have for female breast milk) for some reason my wife couldn’t nurse our kid(s), and if male breastmilk was just as good (or even better than formula) as female breast milk, that I would take the leap and do it or at least try. From what I understand, not all men who have tried to coach their bodies into producing milk were successful. I vowed long ago to do WHATEVER was best for my kids.

    This past year on Mother’s Day, something remakable happened… I was given a gift. My In-laws gave both my wife and I a gift for Mother’s Day. The reson they gave me one, they said, was because they’ve seen me nurture and “mother” my children as much as any mom they’ve ever seen.

    I think that “nurture” is a relative term. What seems to me as being every-day and ordinary seems to others as me being Super Dad. What seems to me as not being nurturing enough, when I look at other parents, works just fine for their respective household. I think it’s obsurd to allege that women don’t have a choice in how nurturing or what role they play in their family. Families do what works for them, and any parent worth their weight will do what’s best for their kids – regardless of what they personally want.

    The essense of parenting is being self-less and all-giving.

  13. As always, you make a great point. I also agree in equality, but there are some things that we’re somewhat predisposed to do just in the we’re wired (though, of course, there are no absolutes). I think some of it also has to do with people also dividing out what they feel comfortable doing, like my Ex and I had an arrangement where he did yard work and I cleaned the inside b/c we both hated the other chore.

  14. I guess I have more to say. I think that it’s good to share the duties that make a household work, but the issue nowadays is that no one should be forced into doing something just because of their gender. For instance, if both the male and female despise cooking or cleaning, the female shouldn’t automatically “have” to do it — they either go out or hire someone (not that I’m saying that you’re insinuating that).

  15. You stink for not putting up my comment Logtar!!! :p I know it was long, but you could have shortened it. Scared of me being right?

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