Sahara (*)

Matthew McConaughey plays Dirk Pitt, yea and the movie stinks just as much as the name of the main character. To say that the script stretches the boundaries of reality is being kind. Scene after scene you keep on wishing that the movie comes back to reality or that it goes into full fledge science fiction mode. I am sure that people that actually have any knowledge about Africa, sunken ship retrieval and physics had a worse time than I did trying to make sense of the miss portrayal of this subjects.

I don’t even know where to start washing this pile of dirty laundry, the futile attempt of my mind trying to forget this movie while not working its making it difficult to discern where the strongest smell is coming from. Oh wait; I see a big brown stain, fight scenes. I am an action movie fanatic, and not because of the explosions but because of the gun fights and hand to hand combat. I am not sure how much of an action hero McConaughey wanted to be after this movie, but next time just let a double do the work instead of chopping the scene into a mess of choreograph punches. My mind was remembering the old Batman action live series where the POW, and KABOOM appeared in between scenes. The fight scenes were so segmented that it felt like they had spent half of the production time just getting every punch right independently.

There were a lot of good actors in the movie; sadly none of them was acting. It was more like they all wanted a vacation so they took on the project that I am guessing was filmed in Morocco. Steve Zahn saves the movie with his comedic timing and gets the MVP award for actually doing some work. I don’t even want to start talking about Penelope Cruz who did not convince as a doctor and now that I think about it I am not even sure why she was cast. She did not bring one thing to the character, even when trying to play compassionate to the sick people she was trying to help she seemed more disgusted and ready to get out of the set into her air conditioned trailer.

Delroy Lindo shows up and I wonder if the movie is now going to pick up some speed. Maybe he will get the movie in gear and we are going to finally see some action… sadly he has about 2.5 scenes in the movie and it is almost like a lifesaver that is made out of toilet paper and dissolves as you try to hang onto it.

The final scene is both unrealistic and insulting. While it is possible to shoot down a helicopter with a cannon that has not been used in 100 years, I find it highly doubtful that the following circumstances will all line up in a real life situation.

1. That the aiming mechanism on the cannon will not be rusted together and will work like it was just oiled 20 minutes before shooting.
2. That the gunpowder and wick are still flammable on a ship that sank.
3. That the helicopter pilot is stupid enough to actually line himself with a cannon that is visible because they are aiming at the porthole where people keep on coming in and out of.

After swallowing that pill and making all that believable, I wonder how the shooters connect on their first try… Not only is the helicopter clearly out of range and physically impossible to hit with a civil war cannon but today’s helicopters can avoid being hit by rocket propelled grenades… I would hope a slow moving cannon ball would be avoidable. Let see if I can help the writers here, how about this. I give you that the cannon would fire no problem, why not have the helicopter stars of the movie get the cannon ready and then stay vewy vewy quite, then when the helicopter come to check on their demise KABOOM blow them up… but having the helicopter ready to once again shoot and line itself up perfectly for the second time (the first time the cannon did not work.) was just too much.

I have so much more to say about this dirty diaper but I must stop before my override my brain and actually commit this movie to permanent memory. Please stay away from it, please don’t see this movie, save your money.

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4 comments on “Sahara (*)

  1. Logtar, he tratado de hacer lo que decían las instrucciones que debería hacer, pero evidentemente Blogger es una vil re-porquería y no me dejó re-publicar el template… Si algo se puede hacer o algo se puede mirar, se lo agradezco.
    (Y que pena, por cuestiones de que me van a colgar de un área sensible si no me desconecto ya, no he tenido tiempo para leer el post)

  2. Ok, ya leí, lo supuse, en general los trailers denotan la repugnancia de las películas, entonces acerté en no ir, al parecer.

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