“You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment if you don’t trust enough.”
-Frank Crane

Version en Español oprima el enlace abajo

All my life I have been a trusting person, it has caused me a lot of pain that some might consider by principle self inflicted. It has been difficult to learn that you cannot trust people. Even those you call friends always have thoughts about you that they don’t share with you. It could be fear, it could be difference of opinions, I call that lack of trust.

Over the years my ability to give trust has been chipped away at by life. Recently Cielo and I experience a breach of our trust that has been difficult to deal with. Ultimately the lesson learned is that you should not trust people, at times no matter how close you think you are to them. Is it too high of a price to pay in life to become distrustful of everything around you?

This quote made me think about all the situations that I have lived. I was burned over and over by relationships, and I always chose to again give all my trust away until I had a reason to take it back. This might have been the wrong approach but I think that if you don’t trust when in a relationship, then that relationship is not worth it. I want to be able to have relationships with people that I can trust, because the alternative to me is not appealing. I rather put effort into building other aspects of a relationship than putting stock into distrust, being paranoid is no way to be.

As always is that difficult task of striking a balance between trusting enough but not too much. I guess learning what that balance is what leads to good trust in relationships. Even though I still cannot let go completely of the thought that trust should be absolute in relationships, I guess there is not many people in the world that deserve or even want that kind of commitment.

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I cannot remember if this was a meme I saw or not, but I have been thinking about talking about my blogroll, just trying to get people to read the people I read I guess

Michael is an excellent friend, just ask Barry… but besides that he is a super positive happy person, I read him because I love teasing him as well as praising his writting style. You can find tons of info about his loved Orange team, Dr. Who (first Dr.Who appearince in My blog), and always-informative commentary about TV. He is also a SCI-FI buff.

Christian aka Marchal is my favorite German, why well, he takes a great approach to blogging. He is intelligent and kind, but super humble. He always has good topics as well as excellent pictures. He is also always willing to answer your questions and loves to participate in the blogsphere.

Is the ultimate family man, and enlightens you with his commentary from everything from books to politics. He is firm in his beliefs and I respect that a lot. You can always expect great humor and even learn something about life.

A Michigan blogger with tons of talent when it comes to web design. He is also the creator of how to site for both Ping Pong and Tennis. He writes movie reviews that give an accurate (IMHO) view of the movie and even though we sometimes disagree I can always use his for a point of reference.

I am almost lucky to have this guy visit my blog, he is somewhat famous in the blogsphere! but he does visit here.

A fellow Colombian that I first talked to via TOL, he writes about soccer in a very passionate way and is an avid reader here. Go visit and say, como estas Pol…

EvilAtari is not only an excellent writer but is also responsible for the growth of an online group called “El Clan Futbolero” not that he has not had help from his friends but he is making it a force to be reckoned.

Reading this blog makes me jealous, he has a way with words that I can only dream of having. There is always something good to read there, don’t be afraid to go back in time here.

When I first encountered this blog I thought it would go over my head, but then I dug in and I love reading it. There are complicated topics at times but he always will make them readable. Go there, you will come out feeling smart!

I love this blog, but this is a blog with a cause, so go visit get informed and let me know what you think.

Kelly has been a blog friend for quite some time, her blog has been in the second hiatus… right now is due to moving to Indiana… she has posted a couple of things, the first hiatus was thanks to Final Fantasy. Even though she is not posting much lately there are tons to see here, she has links to scawy stuff!

Another writter that scares me to even comment, talented, very cnadid with her life and just overall entertaining.

Go check out her beautiful Lab, then read up on her life on display… at times I would love to be this open but it is scary… I give her credit for putting so much out! but I am sure it is helping others.

Glen is scared at the moment, I challenged him to UT and the dude totally disappeared, I am hoping that he resurfaces soon so I can let him know about a Lan Party that is coming up!

Enlightened.

I am not sure why I have not updated his link since he is running two blogs and one in an independent domain… I think you need to set aside some time to check this one because there are tons to discover along with some great pictures.

Ah another online celebrity that visits this blog, he is not just young and super smart but has always shown intelligence. Go read up and you will not be disappointed.

I am sure that Dougal has been here, but I must say that he is too busy writing cool software for all of us to really blog. Classic post about webbed feet is a must read.

Mexican blogger, tons of talent, funny comic, go enjoy a cup of caffeine.

Italian blogger that has been a regular visitor of this blog.

Fabian is another Colombian blogger that makes me feel like I am falling behind in my languages. This guy not only dominates English and Spanish but French. I am truly jelous… he is also a great source for news on the Open Source front.

Aka TOL, The Open List. Before blogs were cool, TOL existed as a community for Spanish speaking bloggers, it has grown and taken over as a IRL community with meetings in Bogotá and who knows maybe even in the US some day. Go check it out, you might find something you can really get into.

I actually know this dude IRL, he came and visit LaCasa Logtar for our latest BBQ with his wife Katrina, he is a programmer that is living the dream of working for himself. His software is worth me money to, go check out Mr Gauchosoft!

I have toyed with the idea of becoming a regular poster there… but I lack the time… we’ll see someday maybe!

Latest find, talent just pouring out the blog, not to mention he is going to design a logo for logtar (no presure!)

Last but not least, my blog Sista, activist, intelligent, good writer, if you don’t read her you are missing out!

Well, now your task is to do the same with your blog roll!

I must admit that I did not want to watch this movie when it came out. I have been a republican ever since I could think of myself voting. One of the most important things for me in my life was to become an American because I could then vote. Politics do matter because they run your life. Too bad that I have lost faith on what our president can do for us.

My argument for the war always was, hey he probably has information than you and me will not know about for years or maybe ever. He has his reasons for what he is doing. After watching 9-11 that changed. Not because Michael Moore is an excellent film maker, I am still not a fan, but because some of the things that Bush said and did during the movie could not have been taken out of context, or miss portrayed. He is as the Green Day songs put it an American idiot.

The movie is an documentary, and even though I originally dismissed it as propaganda, it has some merit as a story told very well. A lot of things have happened that have changed my mind pre-election time. I actually voted for Kerry, believe it or not, because in the time leading up to the election I thought I had my mind made, but meeting Cielo changed my life in more than one way. I am not a democrat just yet, I still think that expecting the government to support you is wrong, but at the same time a government that is lying to you is worse.

I could talk about the biggest deal to me, where are the WMD’s? But what makes me the angriest is what this war is doing to my generation, the young people of this country. They are out there in that country that does not want them there fighting a war that is truly not ours. Those poor man and women are going to come back changed disillusioned by their government and tainted by war. There has already been people that came back and snapped and while that is scary is not as scary as a generation lost to a war that has not benefited anyone except the people that have their hand tainted by oil money.

If you have not watched this movie, even if you are a die hard republican please do. It might not change your mind but at least it will make you ask yourself some questions. I am paying more at the pump than I ever had before… this is sad a ridiculous… I sit here and don’t know why we are at war. Bring the troops home!

Fahrenheit 9/11.
9/11, Bush, Iraq War

B.O.B.I. asked, Logtar delivered

Mr. PoopyPants

Cielo found this interesting Meme via B.O.B.I.… basically you get interviewed, you interview others… get it, got it, good…

Cielo says
Ok, Logtar here are your preguntas;

1. What was your most embarrassing moment?
Oh, I’ve had several… by far the most embarrassing even comes with a nickname assigned to me afterwards… I was dubbed BoneCrusher.

It had to be the last class in College for computer security when the teacher (who was both crazy and on some heavy medication) assigned a group project that was both cryptic and open to interpretation. My group was sitting in the back of the classroom and I was voted to be the one to go ask a question to the teacher. It just so happened that the other groups had created a barrier between my group and the teacher… rather than making people move I got a great idea… why don’t I use my cat like skills to use a empty desk to jump over some of the desks… it worked, I had cleared the jump and landed gracefully. I asked my question and was on my way back towards my group. Since the first time it had been easy, I decided to do the same thing… only this time the desk that was to be the launching pad fell forward not giving me the stability to keep on going with my jump… I was mid air waiting to fall on my face with mere seconds to come up with a plan to escape humiliation… I had one exit route that involved stepping on the corner of another desk where a girl was sitting, I believe her name was Kara… it just happened that the was she was sitting a little fat roll was perfectly position on my landing path… I took it, imprinting sketcher on that fat roll. I landed gracefully, but then silence fell in the classroom, everyone staring at me and the girl tearing in pain… I started saying, I am so sorry, I should not have done that… then her best friend sitting right across from her broke in laughter closely followed by the rest of the classroom. I get embarrassed even recounting this story.

2. Would you rather be President of the US or King of England? Why?
President of the US, my first deed will be making Team America’s theme song the national anthem. Why? Simply because I would be the most powerful person in the world… Global domination, Logtar day… ah I am already drunk with power.

3. Who is your favorite painter? Why?
My favorite painter is Botero, two reasons… one he is Colombian and it makes me proud to know such a talented person shares roots with mine… the second one is his style and seeing beauty in what he calls volume. I love it.

4. If you were limited to one type/genre of music for eternity, what would it be?
It will have to be dance; it is uplifting and keeps me happy. It is a hard choice though, because I also love heavy metal.

5. Any reoccurring dreams? If so, what is your interpretation of it/them?
I used to think I did not really have them, but I now can remember a couple. Both of them have to do with fear and surprisingly enough not with my biggest fear which is claustrophobia. One has to do with having a loved one missing and me running to help them, I know they are in mortal peril and I cannot find them. The other one is having a good time in my house, doing mundane things like watching TV, then all of a sudden a kind of alarm sounds and I have to run to cut power to the house and then fall to the ground while a space ship like thing passes over… during the minutes that the UFO is passing over I fear being even heard… in total silence I lay there in expectation. I am not sure if it is for sure aliens or just an oppressing government that will come and get me out of my house and kill me or worse, but the fear is very vivid.

I don’t have a good interpretation for either other than I care about my loved ones deeply and I feel oppressed by the man.

B.O.B.I.asks…
1. A stranger gives you an old-fashioned pineapple grenade. What do you do with it?
Will put a little tag on the little clip with the number 1 on it, then make a little sign saying… complaints take a number… Seen it before, but that is what came to mind.

2. What is your favorite holiday?
I’m not a holiday fan persay… I like X-mas a lot better now because my first one with Cielo was one of the happiest of my life, also because during that time my city back in Colombia has a big festival that some day I would like to take Cielo and Ty to.

3. What is your least favorite commercial?
Tough, I really don’t mind comercials… nothing comes to mind and with TiVo I get to skip them…

4. If you could drive any vehicle that had to be at least ten feet long, what would it be?
If this includes any type of vehicles, I think a nuclear submarine would be fun for many reasons, I love the Sea and well destructive power is not a bad thing is it?

5. Which dictator (past or present) would you most like to be?
Kim Jong Il as represented in the Team America movie.

Oh yeah, the rules:

5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

If you commented your questions are here, click - » Read the rest of the entry..

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Today was Ty’s first day of school, he has just started 3rd grade. He has had a pretty good summer and by the end of it I think he actually started enjoyed going to summer camp while Cielo and I were at work. That was something he was dreading like having a tooth removed.

He has experienced a great deal of changes in his life over the past 9 months. His mother and I starting a relationship, having to move, switching schools, his Dad being in Iraq, having his new friend that lived in the house behind us move about 3 weeks ago… at times it seems like the kid can not get a break. A lot of the changes came with some positives, but remember that when we were kids changes at times seem to be negative just because they are changing our little world. We all feel safe even at precarious situations because that is just what we are used to, and change is a difficult thing to deal with even for adults.

Last year he got into some trouble at school. His teacher was not the best, and she labeled him a troublemaker, so even if he sneezed he would get in trouble. Now, some of the trouble that he got into was his fault, but it was hard to determine what was something he started vs. something he was just a part of. Now being in a new school we are hoping that he can shed some of that skin and create new relationships with both classmates and his new teachers. We are also looking forward to him meeting new kids around the neighborhood.

I must admit that I had no clue what I was getting into when I made the decision to enter a relationship with someone that had a child. In the past always, I had avoided relationships with people that had children, not because there is anything negative with being a single mother, but because I thought that unless I was ready to make a commitment to both the children and the mother I had no business dating someone in that situation, even casually. Even though I had that in mind, and had also always believed that you should always put kids before you in life, it still did not prepare me for the daunting task that it is being a father.

I struggle even today with being a father to Ty, mostly because he already has a real father and I do not want in any level to compete with the love that he has for his real father. His father has remarried and has his own family. Even though he has another family there, Ty is with us most of the time. Especially now that his father is in Iraq, and he needs that strong male figure and craves discipline, I feel a sense of responsibility to be a father figure to him. It is also difficult to come into the picture laying ground rules when 9 months ago everything just revolved around the relationship between him and his mother with little or no outside influence. They have a beautiful relationship and love each other, and I have tried to make sure that I enter a circle and not form a triangle.

It has taken a lot of work to get to some levels of understanding and balance in the relationship we have. I feel it has a long way to come, but I think that in any son father relationship there are changes as people grow older, change and experience life. While it has been a difficult change for him, it has also been a difficult change for me. I thought I had experience with children because for a year I lived with my cousins when I first moved up here. They were 2, 5 and 8 at the time, but that was not even a glimpse at full time parenthood.

There is really nothing I regret about the decision that I made. Cielo and I went into a relationship full force early on, but I now understand that we needed to. We had a child’s best interest before us and did not have the opportunity to do just casual dating. We had to enter a fully committed relationship and all the responsibilities that come with it or date while placing Ty in the back burner. It has been a big task, but I think we are now seeing the fruit of our commitment and our hard work. I think Ty has gathered a lot of new tools to deal with things at school over the summer and is ahead of things emotionally vs. where he was 9 months ago.

Today he starts 3rd grade, I have faint memories of those years. While I still remember most of the people I went to school with, I could not tell you what really happened during those days without looking back at a book that I wrote as a school project remembering those days. I went to a very small school where we all did our first 5 years together, even though I did not keep in touch with anyone beyond that, I know that they all went to become productive members of society. So much is being formed right now in his mind, values, morals, and outlook on education. I was so blessed to have wonderful teachers; they did a lot to shape who I am today. We just met his teacher last week, she seems like a good person, I can only hope she is also an excellent teacher.

Parenting, First day of school

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Who needs aliens when humans can exterminate each other. It is almost beyond comprehension that we as intelligent beings can still live in a world where such atrocities are happening. We let people die of hunger every single day; we turn our backs to people being killed. Ethnic cleansing is not a new thing; it is a lesson that the human race has not learned. Genocide is a word that we all now know… what’s worse is that it is not a word that is only used in textbooks but something that is happening even right now.

Hotel Rwanda is a film that I had wanted to see since it was in the theaters, and to my surprise it was even hard to find in the video store. Now that I have watched it I feel sad because of what I know has happened in the world I live in, but it also fills me with hope that there are still people out there trying to make this a better place to live.

Don Cheadle has always been one of my favorite actors. He always delivers a great performance; this one however was a difficult task for him. He was not portraying a fictional character, he was playing a man that had to survive the killing of thousands around him but managed to save 1200 lives. Cheadle was able to really make us feel the man’s anguish and pain as he had to make decisions that would not only put his life but his families at risk. It also painted the picture of how a man sometimes has to think of his family first before he can think of other people, I am not sure what I would be able to do in that situation if I had to chose between saving my family or saving my neighbor.

What makes me even sadder about this picture is that I did not know any details about the situation and it is a shame that I had to wait for Hollywood to let me know. I wonder how much can I really prevent something like that from ever happening again… I guess a good place to start is here

http://www.amnesty.org/

Hotel Rwanda, Human Rights, Amnesty International, Genocide