Time to pick on the Christians

I might have an explanation for Christians believing that there is a war going on on Christmas, and it goes beyond just the air of political correctness that is currently lingering like the proximity to a garbage dump. I think people have just bought into stupidity via proxy. If a talking head is outraged, well, so should you! More so if the person claims to be something you are.

I am not talking about just the latest insanity over overpriced coffee. It baffles my mind that there are people out there that actually believe that there is a war on Christmas and also a war on Christianity as a whole. I do know people that in the bottom of their hearts think that Muslims are taking over and we “as Christians” should reproduce to take the balance back! That at least is something I can find some positive spin on because it leads to more shagging.

Ignoring most of this stuff has become almost a past time for me. I see how many post I can stand before I hide someone from my feed. I can stomach about 3 post and then un-follow. So my life is pretty boring since most of those voices have been muted. I am no authority in the matter of Christianity ever since I totally forgot about lent one year (too much work I suppose and not enough visits to actual church) and I ate mean on a Friday. Instead of inspiring the usual Catholic guilt, it made me say “well, wasn’t the tradition pretty much an economic/political move by a pope?”

My Christian walk since then has been full of bumps. And recently the birth of “tiny tyrant” has re-sparked my interest on the divine and providence and even full on Catholicism.

Enter our family adopting two wonderful new pups. A very interesting story on its own, they were already more famous than I could ever be at barely two weeks old.

We decided to adopt the pups and in trying to decide on names with opted for 2 names that started with N. Nala and Nero. Easy to pronounce, somewhat distinct sounding but still similar. There was thought put into it but no nefarious intentions. I did not want to piss someone off.

The dogs were being fostered by a volunteer, we have since become friends since they also have a daughter and are transplants to the area. They are exceptionally nice people.

The day before the adoption was final I went to the Great Plains SPCA location where they were first dropped off and paid the fees. I also wanted to buy some things from their store to support them a bit so I got collars and tags from them. I then happily posted it on facebook, as you do with anything that you want to brag about and I tagged the foster mom. Never in a million years did I think I was going to get the response I got from one of their friends.

Nero and Nala
Nero and Nala

Friend of the Foster Mom ยท Friends with (Foster Mom)
Interesting choice of name in Nero, Biblically speaking, with its implications.
My Response
John Guzman I don’t remember Nero being in the bible at all… just the emperor that is blamed for burning down Rome. We will keep a eye on Nero for sure, but I think Nala will be the trouble maker.

Not going to lie, I was a little concerned that the foster Mom was going to freak out about us adopting the dogs if I went all out on responding to the dude. So I held back. Now that we have the pups and I was able to determine that this guy was just an acquaintance and not a friend I can vent.

See, that dude is the problem with Christianity in this country. Christianity in the way I was thought was more about accepting others and kindness than being right. Today, even naming a dog can be considered a trespass to some of these crazy people because well, he killed Christians… therefore you are naming your dog Christian Killer. Like seriously, who is up at 4 AM in the morning trolling facebook to make religious arguments about how a dog is name. That is way beyond me.

The dog is actually named Nero after Nero Wolfe the detective. Not quite called Batman but close, right? The only fear I have is that he might burn down the house. Well no, not really.

So fellow Christians, if you have never met or interacted with a person before; what makes you think that starting a argument with them about religion is going to do to their perception of other fellow Christians?

Talk to ME Dr!

Everyone puts a lot of trust on doctors. I am not about to attack the profession. I respect it, I have doctors in my family. I have doctors that are my friends. That said they are still human beings and do not have WebMD downloaded into their brain. They make mistakes, your health is YOUR responsibility and also the life of your child.

After enduring the various videos the hospital made us watch. “You will kill your child driving home 2” followed by “Your child will die while they sleep 15.” You are petrified by the whole experience of childbirth and here comes the never-ending flow of information on how you will more than likely mess up somehow and put your child’s life in jeopardy. Did you know a simple infection can leave your child blind, or that talcum powder will give them asthma? Did you know that there also tons of unexplained reasons why a child just does not make it.

I feel sorry for everyone that has to go through any of this and lose a child, or even go through the pain of a miscarriage. I sincerely don’t think all the gloom and doom videos can help to prepare you mentally for a loss of that magnitude. So inside of this frame of mind think of how it will feel when a Dr start going through a chart and talking to a resident rather than talking to you.

Again, we have been very lucky, dare I say blessed that our little tyrant was very healthy. That said she did not cry a ton when she was born (which worries you because that is what you see on TV.) and she was also tiny. We had no clue about this, but on an early ultrasound they found something that the tech noticed. We were never informed and the Dr discussed it very non nonchalantly with the resident. First time hearing about this and other things that ended up being “normal” terrified me to no end. I was patiently waiting for the Dr to be done with the conversation and come and address us, when they both just left the room.

I was pretty livid.

Naturally I wanted someone to suffer the anguish and anxiety I was feeling because that is the productive thing to do. I kept it together and found a nice nurse that came in and went through the whole chart with us in detail and explain what she could. She did put in a note for them to come back and go through things with us.

A resident came by the next day and more terrified than helpful he did not say much. I did catch the Dr eventually and had a conversation with her. What she told me kind of baffled me.

She said she was very surprised. Most parents in that hospital did not want the details or even review the charts of the kids. She told me that our daughter is lucky because we were already ahead of the game by being involved and interested. I’m still shocked for many reasons.

– How do doctors become so used to patients not caring… even for their own children.
– Maybe the reason they give you all those videos is that more people take an active role?
– Am I just that paranoid?

I am thankful that everything was. Everything is normal with the baby. I am more relaxed about things now, but still super freaked out because being a control freak and having a child are pretty mutually exclusive. I can only hope for the best and be involved.

Watching a TV show gave a new dimension to this conversation. Without going into too much detail a summer camp for blind children talked about how the goal was for them to learn to become their own advocate. Not so much about educating their PE teacher about how they could be included, but the child saying hey I can play kickball if you use this ball that makes a sound. Or I can run with someone if you use a rope for me to hold with someone.

I am learning this parenting thing little by little, but the lesson here to me is that we need to be advocates for ourselves and teach our children the same. They need to be responsible for that advocacy and make sure they understand that it is important to speak up.

This post is part of a series!
Hurry Up and WaitHere she comesAnd who the F@ck are you?Talk to ME Dr!

And who the F@ck are you?

Motherhood is something that is hard to understand unless you see someone experience it. Society in the US has a really weird relationship with nudity. It is supposed to be shameful and nobody is supposed to see anybody else naked, yet the internet traffic’s highest percentage goes to porn. So someone is watching live nudes. All day, every day.

Boobs don’t offend me and never have. Something switched in my head when my wife started breast feeding, it is one of the most natural things I have witnessed and there is no shame on the practice at all. Not sure why people get all up in arms if someone feeds a baby in public. I do digress.

Our little tyrant was born in a teaching hospital, which means that there are double the people around because they are still “learning.” As a patient you do have the option to not let students be a part of your care. We did not mind people learning but at the same time wanted the birth to feel like an intimate experience.

That is the exact opposite of what happened.

We had met what we thought was all the staff that was going to be involved with the birth. Oh how wrong I was. Once the practice pushing moved to the actual pushing phase the room filled with about 15 people. I am not even exaggerating, from the 3 doctors already there and the handful of nurses we had met it multiplied and filled the whole room.

I did have a huge issue with one of the people, but more on that later.

The part that makes this difficult is that there are people coming into a very private moment and you have not even had a chance to learn their name. They all had some kind of role and I am sure they were there for our benefit more than anything else, but it was still very hard to get over the fact that a bunch of “strangers” are now going to be part of one of those once in a life time moments.

I know it is almost unrealistic to expect us to meet everyone before they come in and I am thankful that if something would have gone wrong there were plenty of people there with specific skill to deal with certain situations. Still, the intimate setting that a child birth could have been was lost on the sheer amount of people that came in when it was about to happen.

I think I would have digested the moment better but one of the nurses tried to push me away from the bedside because I guess she could assist the pushing better? Maybe she just wanted a better look. That really kind of pushed me over the edge and I said no, I will stay by my wife’s side. I’m glad I was part of it and the fact that I did not pass out.

This post is part of a series!
Hurry Up and WaitHere she comesAnd who the F@ck are you?Talk to ME Dr!

The race of my child

I wish this topic was a lot less complicated. Race relations in the US are already a multi-layer mess full of landmines. Add to that the fact that I have a hard time trying to fit into that complicated structure of labels and you have yourself a very difficult conversation that I will someday have to have with my child.

Daddy, what am I?

Start by the fact that I had to be told I was not white as soon as I moved to the US. That said (and it is probably a good idea for you to read that post) I don’t have identity problems. I have problems fitting into American society labels, but I am very proud of my heritage. Not just as Colombian but every day I learn more and more about what it is to be Latino in the US.

If I had to have the conversation with my daughter today I would probably start by saying, you are half American and Half Colombian. I think nationality is a good way to start the conversation. It will continue with, you were born in Kansas City but your Mom was born in Denver and I was born in Cali, Colombia. I will eventually get to the ugly labeling of human beings part, but I want her to first think of people as a complex set of experiences and not just the color of their skin.

Race has been on the news a lot lately. Ferguson is now something cemented in our brains as a negative from both points of view. You can’t win that argument with people that are polarized by it. Then you have an NAACP advocate identifying as black when she was really white. I feel she has been treated unfairly because she should be judged more for the work she does rather than what she identifies as. Eminem did not get rejected by Dr Dre when he found out he was white.

Today another incident is being labeled as a “hate crime.” 9 people are dead supposedly because of the color of their skin. We call it a tragedy, but in reality it is something that should simply not happen anymore in a modern society. We watch Game of Thrones and at times think of that world as barbaric. In reality we are really not that far away from that world where people kill in the name of an affiliation.

I have no clue how much discrimination my daughter will have to face. I don’t want to make her afraid of other people or think of the “race card” as something real. I am curious as to what other parents of mixed background or with mixed children think.

Here she comes

The pain of childbirth is not something I ever want to experience. I know what you want to say, there is no way a guy could experience that… but leave it to the Chinese and they have a way to let you experience it. No thanks I saw my wife going through this and it was a horrible experience.

Before we get into that, and I will do my best to leave out any gore, I had a huge issue with the whole childbirth experience. I know, once again I have no right as a father to have an opinion since I technically did not “push the kid out.” But I was there and I get to be pissed off if I want to.

From previous visits and knowing the OB-GYN I knew most of the people coming in and out of the room. My wife being a nurse has introduced me to little nuances about hospitals and how to be a good family member of a patient. I am polite, I don’t ask for much and try to stay out of the way. The staff at the hospital was absolutely fantastic up to this point.

We were at a teaching hospital, which means tons of short coats (yeap, easiest way to recognize a resident.) Which overall does not bother me, but I will get more into that on the last post in the series. We did however say that during the birth we did not want a parade of people in the room. This is supposed to be a magical moment and we wanted it to be just about the birth and not about teaching people how to be a Dr.

I cannot even imagine what would have happened if we had not said this. Up until this point we had 3 people in the room, sometimes 4 at most. Fast forward to the birth and there were at least 12 people in the room and I was less than pleased about it. I will explain why soon.

I like to get to know the staff that will be handling my wife and future child. Mostly to be thankful for what they do. I know how hard all of it is. Things started to go fast and furious because the contractions were coming pretty quickly and dilatation even quicker. The first order of business was to get that epidural done. Not an easy task when contractions are really close together.

Even though we got to the hospital with still plenty of time having 10 births made it that we did not get into the actual birthing room until it was pretty advanced and the pain was horrible to look at. I cannot even imagine what my wife was going through because she has a high pain threshold and she was basically a mess after every contraction. There was basically nothing I could do for her. No breathing would help, no change of position, pretty much nothing could really alleviate the pain once a contraction came.

Not enough can be said about trying to get that epidural in early. After the epidural was in it was night and day. She did not look like she was being ripped in half by an invisible magician. She could actually concentrate on what was being asked of her rather than just try to stay conscious through pain that seemed to almost make her want to pass out. I find it almost barbaric that some people think that woman that don’t experience the pain of child birth without an epidural did not do it right.

Stress level at this point start to get to a good place and concentrating on the actual birth is what comes next. I really thought that the anesthesiologist taking too long to put the epidural was going to be the end of my rage inducing events. It was only the beginning.

This post is part of a series!
Hurry Up and WaitHere she comes – And who the F@ck are you? – Talk to ME Dr!